When you get into a bad place, it’s pretty hard to shake out of it- at least for me, I’m as stubborn as it gets. However, last summer when I felt like my word was falling apart I found clarity and guidance in the place I was least expecting.

Mid-July Ohio, I lay in the backseat of my family car with my earbuds in drowning out the sounds of pouring rain hitting the windows and the rush of cars zooming past. It was July however it was stormy, I seemed to notice whenever I was in a bad mood the weather corresponded. The last few weeks had been tough, summer was supposed to be a time of relaxation and joy, it was at first but then problems arouse and the truth came out. My mom looked through the rear view mirror and sighed, “Carlee please sit up it’s dangerous to lay down like that in a car”, I sighed and sat up in my seat. as we drove farther and farther away from Franklin my thoughts consumed me and I couldn’t decide if I didn’t want to leave or get as far away as possible. I decided getting far far away was a good thing, I was drowning in my problems and needed an escape. My family and I were heading to New York, I had been looking forward to this trip for months, however on the road trip there I couldn't find the excitement in me where it was before. Yet, hour after hour ticked by and the earbuds began to hurt my ears- then we finally arrived in New York.

Our first stop was Niagara Falls, I didn’t know what to expect I had never seen it before besides some vague pictures years ago. My parents booked us a hotel for the night and I remember going to a pancake restaurant at eight o’clock that night when we arrived. “Okay kids were on vacation, you can get whatever you want”. said my dad, my little brother's faces lit up as they ordered pancakes piled high with whip cream and rainbow sprinkles. I tried best to enjoy my pancakes and my family tried to put me in good spirits but still I couldn’t shake that feeling in the bottom of my stomach and my heart feeling like weights had been put on it.
The next morning it was time to visit Niagara Falls, we climbed a bajillion and one stairs, minutes passed and after a lot of huffing and puffing I finally I could a platform deck looking over the falls. I was out of breath from climbing and was gripping the dated railing bent over. My feet instantly were surrounded in a puddle as I walked towards the railing, water was misting all around me however the sun was shining and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. I looked over the railing and saw the massive waterfalls gushing down all around me, that’s what really took my breath away. It really hit me how amazing it was and how amazing life is despite everything that's happened and my problems didn’t seem so big standing next to hundreds and thousands of gallons of rushing water. The sight took my breath away. My family and I also went on a ferry that went right next to falls and even climbed up next to one of them. It was one of the best days I had in awhile, the negative thoughts that swimmed in my mind seemed to disintegrate.

A couple hours south was our next destination- Cooperstown, New York. My younger brother and my dad who is the coach had a baseball tournament, although this was the stop I was least looking forward too it ended up being the most rewarding. Cooperstown is a very small town with only local cafes and unique shops filled with little souvenirs and knick knacks. It was very old fashioned and I felt like I was in a little piece off unchanged history. We stayed in this huge wooden house in the deserted green hills and it was so nice to just be able to spend time with my family and all the baseball families we had become so close too. The connection on my cell phone was absolutely atrocious, which was very frustrating for the first couple of days but by the end, it was nice to just take a break from it all and just forget about everything happening at home. Being in Cooperstown gave me a sense of youth, family, and comfort. I’m a very independent person and sometimes it’s hard for me not to feel alone and ask for help but in that week gossiping with all the baseball moms gossiping about team drama and playing capture the flag with the whole baseball team and their siblings it helped me realize I’m always going to have my family to rely on. I’m so young and I shouldn’t feel so stressed, my heavy depressing adult problems seemed hundreds of miles away (literally).

Lastly was New York City, to me the city is the absolute best place in the world- I’m even considering applying for college there so I was ecstatic. My parents knew how much I had dreamed about New York City and let me make all the plans, I was ecstatic. Walking through lively central park with the faint smell of hot dogs always lingering in the air, shopping in a three story forever 21, and eating some of the most fattening and delicious food that littered the streets in food trucks, was very theraputic however I think the atmosphere of it is what comforted me the most. To some this may seem shocking- New York is one of the busiest cities in the world which so many different kinds of people crowding every street. It was very chaotic but to me whenever I looked around and saw hundreds and thousands of people rushing about their day, dealing with there own problems of everyday life. It comforted me in a way knowing that I'm just one person in a big world and i'm not alone and seeing all of these wonderful things and wonderful people really healed me and inspired me to not worry so much- it gave me hope and it gave me confidence to better myself and think more positively.

When in New York I found the answers where I was least expecting to find them. It opened my eyes to the world around me, back home I felt so closed off and now I could see the world clearly. I went home from New York with a completely different mindset than I did when I left. Personally, I thought that was pretty amazing. The sense of clarity and guidance I got from just a summer trip surprised me but also gave me life lessons I will remember for the rest of my life. I am so thankful I got to share that experience with my family, this trip to New York was at the perfect time and when I got home I dealt with the heavy weight that has brought me down so much and came out a much stronger person than I was before.