I have always felt different than other students at my school; I’ve been shorter and heavier than everyone for as long as I can remember. I see myself as an overweight, short, pimply teenage girl. My family constantly reminds me, “People are not going to like you if they see your pimples. You won’t find a boyfriend if you are too heavy.” In middle school my struggles with weight began. Papa, my grandfather, helped me lose weight. Starting in middle school, I began to regain the lost weight. I’ve been gaining ever since. My family members have tried to get me to try to lose weight and clear up my pimple problem, but I have not. I have tried not to let my family’s opinions get to me. Besides some of my family members’ opinions, I only care about my friends’ opinions.

Starting around age thirteen, a little voice in my head used to tell me, ‘You’ll never be good enough. No one wants you around. You’ll never find someone willing to go out with you.’ Before I became acquainted with the group of guys I now call my friends, those thoughts came often. Since I started hanging out with them, I have gradually become happier. I’m a teenage girl who only hangs out with guys. It doesn’t bother me, but some may consider it strange. My great-grandmother even told me, “If my neighbors find out about you hanging out with guys and only guys, people will look down on my family. They will say that you are easy. You don’t want that, do you? I only want what is best for you.” None of that matters to me. All that matters is that I am accepted for who I am and my personality, not just my looks.

Thankfully, my friends both appreciate and understand that I am not very feminine and that I don’t like wearing makeup, that I enjoy talking about computers and videogames instead of gossip and how hot the boy the next table over is, and that I am more comfortable hanging out with guys than other girls my age. They have helped me become more at ease around other people and come out of the shell I used to hide behind as an excuse to be antisocial.

When my sister, Chrissy, acts embarrassed to be around my friends and me when we hang out in public, my group feels the same disappointment I do. One of my friends Austin and I were with my mom and sister at the grocery store. Austin made a reference to League of Legends, a game we play with Robert. Because I understood the clever pun, I laughed. One of Chrissy’s friends just so happened to walk by that that moment. Chrissy immediately turned around and started yelling at Austin. “Why do you have to keep making references to that stupid game?! No one cares about it! Why are you even here?! Leave me alone! Just go with your stupid girlfriend and play some nerd game.” Having my little sister hollering at one of my best friends in the middle of the grocery store is one of the most embarrassing situations I have ever been in. I ended up apologizing to Austin for Chrissy’s behavior. Mom never punished Chrissy for it. She said nothing, nothing at all.

At times I still wonder what it would be like to have my own clique of female friends. I wonder if hanging out with guys actually leads to less drama (it usually doesn’t). However, I am satisfied with the friends I have now. They support and accept me in ways that my family does not. They accept me because of who I am, not my outer appearance. For what they do, I will always be grateful. I have pimples; I am overweight; I am shorter than the rest of my friends. So what. I am comfortable with the way I am. Whoever has a problem can just deal with it.