Happiness.

The answer to, well, everything.

Think back to a day when you felt happy. Was it that Saturday afternoon you saw the crisp copper and scarlet leaves dancing through the chill autumn air? Was is that Friday night after your annual Christmas dance performance when the boy of your dreams surprised you with a bouquet of fresh baby pink roses, sweet as a bright spring day? Was it when your best friend told you a “Yo Mama” joke that made you have a laugh attack to the point your stomach ached as if you just finished 200 sit-ups?

Or how about any day you see a couple, young or old, laughing and smiling with each other?
Who would have guessed that tragedy struck the pair minutes before you arrived. Now imagine that Eve, the woman in this couple, is sobbing in a corner of Eden. Or perhaps it’s Queen Dido sitting on a bench in a terraced garden overlooking Carthage or Princess-Abbess weeping in her courtyard. Maybe it’s Marie Currie bawling over her radioactivity research in the Poland secret garden.

Why are they crying? you ask.

Because as happens to women everywhere, the men were late.

When the year 1504 rolled around in Nuremberg, Germany, women from all over rejoiced. It was the beginning of a new era. Future generations could only get better.

Why? Peter Henlein had invented the first portable time keeper:

The watch.

Many are familiar with the clock, but for the newbies out there, a watch is a smaller clock worn typically on a strap on one's wrist. This timepiece is equivalent to a secretary or a mother.

Now, men, my question to you is why are you always late when you have your mother strapped on your wrist? (And for those men who have abandoned the classic wristwatches for cell phone clocks, the principle still holds since we all know how devoted to and obsessed you are with the latest technology.)

Women’s biggest pet peeve is being late, and when you all can’t simply be ready or arrive on time, tragedy strikes.

Arms crossed. Annoyed.


Standing ….. Well, there go thirty minutes. Impatient.

Hand on hip. Are you kidding me?

Dagger eyes. Furious.


Men, we don’t just buy Fossil, Diesel, and Ironman watches as presents (or the equivalent iPhone 5s, Samsung Galaxy s4, or the LG Optimus G Pro) because we think they are cool and know you like to be fashionable.

Does the question “What time is it?” ring a bell? Watches and cell phones are meant to keep track of time and make your lady happy.

We try to be patient and understanding, but when our buttons are pushed by your habitual lateness, happiness is lost. When we reach our breaking point, you force us to lie. “Honey, we have to leave at 1:30 to get to the party by 2.” Truth is, the party doesn’t start till 2:30, but men don’t know the difference.

If that doesn’t work, men know we are serious when we begin to yell, “Three. Two. One. I am leaving, meet you there.” Just as we grab our keys, you call out, “I’m almost ready, Hun, just putting on my shoes.” We trek up the staircase and into the bedroom, and what do we see? You doing what men do best, watching sports or cartoons.
My personal favorite pet peeve is when you are taken on a date to the movie theaters. So far the man is doing an excellent job. Now, I don’t know about you but I am not one who likes to sit close to the movie screen or else I end the night with a terrible headache and my eyes seeing triple.

“Sweetie, let’s go see Bad Grandpa tonight at 7:30, but since it just came out in theatres we should get there early like 6:30 so we are guaranteed a good seat.” You would think by now that men would understand that women know best.

You counter, “Babe, don’t worry, we will get a fine seat if we get there at 7:00. Plus, it’s a Sunday night so it will not be crowded.”

The clock ticks. 6:30, 6:45, 7:00. It is now 7:10. We buy our tickets, theatre 2 to our left, without problems, grab a medium popcorn, buttered, to share, and two bottles of lemonade. Everything is going perfectly until… well you can guess what happens next. Theatre 2 is packed like sardines with the only seats available down in the dark cave under the theater screen. Well, there goes that date!

Women can’t win with men when it comes to being on time. Men are too good at being late.

But listen to me, men, it doesn’t have to be like this. Here is a helpful tip: USE YOUR WATCHES (cell phone)!

Next time we have a place to go, just do what we ladies say and be on time. There will be time to watch your games, cartoons, and eat when you get back. No repercussions. No fights.

Just happiness and smiles!