I remember that day, the day he just sort of disappeared.
The day I felt like he had abandoned me.
It was a beautiful sunny day; I can almost still hear my laughter echoing among the playground, there was no one else there but us. He was pushing me on the swing, I can still feel the soft breeze, my hair flowing in the wind, The eerie silence of no one else at the park it kind of unsettled me even though at that moment I was incredibly happy at the time. I kept swinging thinking that the higher I could go, maybe there was a possibility that I could fly. I was only five years old at the time.

All I did was stay on the swings that day, I never really was fond of anything else at the park when I was little. I turned my head, looking into blue eyes similar to my own. His eyes showed something I couldn’t quite place at the time, being so little, but I knew something was different that day at the park, then all the other times we have been there. I couldn’t help but ask him.
‘’What’s Wrong, Dad’’? , I said. He seemed shocked that I had asked this question, I didn’t understand why that day felt unnerving as if something was going to happen, something I knew I was not going to like. He looked at me with eyes that resembled sadness.
‘’Nothing sweetheart, nothing at all’’, He said. Suddenly it started to rain, the loud rumbling coming from the sky, clashing with the same sound coming from the little broken up road that led to the park. The sound was getting closer; I started to get anxious, fidgeting on the swing. My dad seemed incredibly nervous. A car pulled up.
It was very shiny; I felt if I stood close enough to the car I would definitely see my reflection, of a little girl with pigtails and a broken expression. My dad stood still, too still to the point where I thought there was something wrong at the time that something terrible was happening. I jumped of the swing, crying. I watched with an unsettling feeling in my stomach as the car came to a stop, and the driver rolled down the window.
‘’dad’’! I said. Pushing him to get his attention, he stumbled looking down at me with surprise.
‘’Who is that, Dad’’? I kept questioning him and questioning him. But he didn’t answer me, didn’t even look my way, as he forced a smile on his face, dragging me by my arm towards the car, I kicked, cried, screamed.
‘’No’’! I shouted. My face was purple by this point; I was so upset the emotions coursing through me literally almost giving me a panic attack as we got closer to the little shiny white car. As we stopped right in front of the car I noticed a women sitting in the driver’s seat, she smiled at me, as if in pity. Her smile made me cringe; she kind of resembled a rat. With her long stringy bleached hair down to her shoulders, her pointed nose that was slightly bent at the end, her squinty eyes and jagged teeth. I didn’t want to move any closer, but my dad pushed me forward, silently telling me I was being ridiculous. This is who he wanted to introduce me to?.
My dad smiled at her, she smiled back but it was a different smile, a smile I have seen before it almost looked like my smile, the one my dad reserved for me making me feel as if I was the greatest little kid in the world. I felt like my heart was shriveling away into sharp pieces of glass that tumbled down into the pit of my stomach. She glanced at me again, ‘’you must be Kayla’’? she said, I shyly glanced up, I didn’t realize I was looking at the ground, till she looked at me like she felt sorry for me, but it wasn’t genuine, this I knew.
‘’Yes’’, I whispered. Not wanting to speak to her at all I turned away. My dad turned me back around, I tried to fight him off but it was no use. My dad looked at me in aggravation.
‘’Kayla stop your being ridiculous for no reason’’! He said looking at the woman even though it was directed towards me. ‘’I don’t like her’’! I shouted silent tears running down my face. ‘’Who is she’’? I demanded. The woman looked at me, smirking. My dad seemed to panic in that moment.
‘’Kayla this is Erin my new girlfriend’’, he smiled at her; I felt as if I didn’t exist anymore, that I didn’t matter in that moment. The world around me stilled, everything was fuzzy, I remember darkness, then nothing. I fainted; last thing I heard was the cries of help, of my dad calling my mom telling her of what happened, I don’t remember anything at the park after that, considering I was unconscious.
I woke up in the front seat of my dad’s car, confused. He looked worried when he glanced at me. ‘’Are you alright Kay’’? He asked. I didn’t want to talk to him, I didn’t like Erin, and I felt even at a young age that she had no importance to me whatsoever.

‘’Why dad what about mom’’? I was irritated, angry that he would even think it was ok to have a girlfriend. In reality my real question was why dad what about me. Did he even consider how I felt about this, I felt like it was too soon, that it shouldn’t have even happened in the first place. As I was having a battle of thoughts in my head, I looked to see my dad with a guilty expression on his face, I glanced to where he was standing and my mom was standing in front of the car with her arms crossed, looking furious.
‘’What did you do bill’’! She screamed in his face, he cringed not looking at either one of us. ‘’I told her’’ he stuttered, I ran out of the car slamming the door so hard that my hand felt like it would’ve fallen off, I heard the chorus of ‘’Kayla’’!, I ignored them running to my room, filled with sadness this emotion that never entered my life that much, because I was always a happy child, my family knew me as the kid that always smiled, that was always happy. Now I sat in my room on my bed, sobbing wondering what I did, why he did this to me, I felt like everything was over.

I stayed in my bed till my dad left, my mom walked in my room hugging me close, practically suffocating me because of how depressed she could tell I was. I cried even more, I glanced at my mom, my eyes blood shot ‘’I don’t want to see him again, ever’’! I screamed. My mom nodded her head, she went outside, I assumed that she told him; little did I know that he took my words to heart that day, and we haven’t talked since.
It’s been nine years since I’ve seen my dad, and we haven’t talked since, to tell you the truth this is the first time I ever talked about it considering that it bothered me that much, I just sort of closed in on myself, pretending I didn’t care, but in reality I did because once something happens in your life that hurts you, it’s hard to let go of that pain even if you try. I remember my dad driving out of the driveway that day, what I didn’t expect was him to just leave, to be gone forever.

This changed me for the better it made me realize that if the people in your life care and love you enough then they won’t leave. It made me stronger in a way, made me realize that sure it hurts and it probably always will because I was close to my dad, but that pain was filled with the love of my mom, and everyone else in my family.

I still pass that park on my way home, but I don’t even glance at it ever, I can’t tell you why, all I can tell you is that don’t let yourself be hurt by the people that don’t matter, because if they matter they’ll always be there for you, no matter what