As I look out the bus window I see a swirl of pink and blue as memories rush back to me I can’t help but remember a time when my life was anything but perfect, let me start from the begging.

My mom became a mother at only 16 years old. Sonly she got with my ex-step dad who at one point thought I was his kid. Turned out im half black [both him and my mother were white]. After my mom got out of the hospital after having me and after he found out he wasn’t my father, he beat my mom. No doubt I was there to witness this yet too young to remember.

Fast forward-? 2 and a half years later

Imagine seeing your father a person who’s supposed to protect and love you, hitting your mom over and over yelling and screaming things at her that don’t even make since. Imagine being 2 and a half and being barley 3 feet tall, pounding on your 6 foot 260 pound fathers legs helplessly yelling and screaming at him trying to get him to stop hurting your mom as he furiously screams at you, still holding your mom by her shirt. Can you imagine this being your first memory? Because this is mine.

Your three now, and you can remember everything that’s happened in the last year such as, your dad banging your mothers head in the glass table. You hear a loud crash you can’t tell whether it was the sound of your mom’s skull or the sound of glass breaking then you hear a sound of agony escape from your mother, then in that very second you know it’s both. There’s glass everywhere you’re standing there stunned as a police man takes you by the hand and knells to your height and tells you everything’s all right. And you know that if it wasn’t for the neighbors hearing screams and calling the police he would have killed you and her that day. Not to many weeks after that another fight broke out and ended with him pulling your mom up by her pants at least 2 feet of the floor, your mom yelling telling you to call 911. You go to pick up the black and yellow house phone and dial the 9 but before you get to press 11he knocks out of you hand throwing it at the wall with a loud crash it shatters into a thousand pieces as you stand there helpless once again. Could you imagine being kidnapped by your grandparents who were trying to take you away from the only life you’ve ever known?

There weren’t only bad times though, there were good times too. My mom and I had a lot of fun we he left for work since we weren’t aloud to go anywhere unless he was with us we would order pizza and then watch TV together.

There were so a many more violent times I remember though but it would take me forever to write them all so I’m going to skip some and just tell you she finally left him when I was 5years old. Just to turn around and get back in the same situation. When I was seven my mom worked at abb a welding company where mostly guys worked, there she met James who already had two teenaged kids and was still pretty much married. They dated for 3 months when they decided to move in together which from the start I knew was a mistake. I soon found myself living with my grandparents because my mom wanted to make sure James wasn’t a “bad guy” but I just think that she was trying to shield me from what he really was, an abuser. I think he had hurt her before they moved in together it was just once again my mom thinking she could change them for the better. That same year my mom was in a car wreck I later found out that she had hit a buck going over a 90 mph while trying to run from James. The car rolled 6 to 12 times down a hill. My mom was pronounced dead at the screen but they were able to revive her after using the Jaws of Life to pry open the badly smashed car door. She stayed with him still though. Later own a little after my 8th birthday I was with my mom on one of her rare visits we had went out to eat with James and when we got to my grandparents James got out to go to the bathroom . I stayed in the car to talk to my mom before they left when she told me something a child should never have to hear; she told me that she couldn’t keep supporting me at my grandparents and if things didn’t get better soon [with money] she said she was going to me up for adoption. Could you imagine your mom telling you that? Yeah later on she said it was because of James but still could you imagine it? It hurt me so badly I cried for days afraid of what was going to happen to me.

When I was nine my mom finally left him and we went on with our lives living with my grandparents for almost 5 years until they all started fighting a lot but that’s a story for another day….

and to think a pink and blue swirl brought back the memorie of my life...