I like to think of a best friend as the person who puts me in my happiest mood, someone who I can share everything with, the person who will always be picking me up when I’m down, who I can watch stupid movies with, spend all night talking to and most importantly be myself with. And in 7th grade I felt like I had lost all chance of having that kind of person.

The middle to the end of 6th grade was when I thought that the whole world was out to get me, and I had nothing left to defend myself. I had lost my Bubbie to her fight with many years of anorexia, my father’s multiple sclerosis accelerated and he was moved into a nursing home, and my best friend was moving to Israel.

In the beginning of 7th grade, I found myself with no friends because I pushed them all away. I didn’t want to talk about what was going on with me. I preferred reading by myself and writing angry poetry instead of letting everyone around me help. After the first three months of being by myself, I decided I didn’t want to feel bad for myself anymore, and it was time for me to smile. I had realized this all one day, while reading one of the many books I completed that year. The girl in my book was in the very situation I was going through at the time. She lost her mom to her battle with cancer. I immediately felt horrible for the character, but suddenly I noticed I didn’t like her as much when she began to ignore all of her friends. I sat there shocked; I just had a breakthrough! I realized that I was being unfair to my friends by pushing them all away, and that maybe you really do need friends to be happy. I looked around and didn’t know where to start. Who was I supposed to be friends with now?

I realized I had barely ever spoken to over half of the kids in my tiny grade. As I began to branch out and talk to my classmates, I felt ashamed of myself. I hadn’t taken the time to ever talk to most of them, but we had already been together for nine years. I found myself making new friends and becoming much happier, and that’s when I like to say I re-met Julie. I had gone into town near my school one Friday with the girls in my grade. We were all running around, and I really wasn’t having fun yet. I decided not to call my mom though and keep trying. As we walked through town, I realized that our group was thinning out and that my old best friends had already left to go hang out with boys. I was furious as to why they didn’t want to immediately be my friends again. I looked at Julie very hurt and confused, it turns out that her best friend at the time had left with mine. As we complained, we realized we didn’t care that much. We ended up, buying candy and we sat down on a bench while we talked and laughed like we were old friends. Of course, we had always known each other, but we never hung out and never tried to. That’s when I realized, I wish I did. She became my best friend, and not just because I had lost everyone else, but because she made it all seem better.

When I think about it, I realize that I have experience that a lot of people don’t think about when they are my age. There are two things that I’ve learned from that time in my life. I understand that not everyone is going to be in your life forever, and that is why you can’t just have a few friends and try to ignore everyone else. Also, your few friends might not be so good to you in the end. What I learned is that your best friend could be anywhere, and that sometimes you might have to leave your ordinary routine and go out looking for her— but she’s worth it.