Our culture is to go against the flow while being a part of it. Being rebellious is “in” conforming “out”. All that teenage pop star crap. “Just be yourself, ya know?”. So does being who we are (or who we think we are) make us conformers? Ah, sweet paradox. Even then we are not truly our selves, what if who we really are is mainstream? What if you want to blend to be like everyone else. Does it take courage to do that? Would that make you MORE of an outsider then actually trying to be yourself like everyone wants you to?
Everyone says that it’s hard to be yourself. So what I’m asking is what is “yourself”? Is it dying your hair pink (or in my case purple) and spending weekends at music festivals? Or is it wearing lots of pins on your backpack and writing on your arms? Drawing on your shoes? Converting to Jainism? Writing on your walls? Shopping at thrift stores and garage sales? Dancing in Wallmart? Being a vegan? Burring incense and sleeping on the floor? Piercing every visible (and maybe not so) piece of skin? Being nice to EVERYONE? Wearing floor length skirts and black dresses? All of these are considered different, but does that make them you? When I was little I remember pulling my pin collection from my back pack, giving my skirts away, and only using my sharpies where the public couldn’t see. I would get so mad because as soon as I found something I thought was “different” everyone would start doing it! I’ve since discovered that just because everyone’s doing it doesn’t make it any less “you”.
I wear things most people consider costumes because I feel like it, but own skinny jeans purchased at both goodwill and the mall. I routinely spend 6 hour periods at Border’s but also go to the movies with my friends. I like Broadway and Christian Heavy Metal but own a Rhianna cd. My favorite TV show is Battle Star Galactica but I also watch reruns of Friends (that is when I watch T.V). I don’t pride myself on being “different’’ or “normal” I just am. If I want to watch something, listen to something, or do something I probably will. From wearing a cloak to school to reading Twilight I don’t try to fit in or try not to. As far I as I can tell that’s who I am. I love to make people squirm and gawk, but also I like making friends. And when people look at me weird or laugh along and (sometimes) even join in, I’m always forced wonder if it’s really “them”. Because mainstream or completely abnormal most people aren’t the same, but many like the same things and if we try to tell them that doing something someone else is doing too isn’t being “them” it might be the truth, but maybe, just maybe, we might be wrong.