My world had nearly stopped turning. I could barely feel the cold rain pour on. The harsh wind was blowing hard but I could hardly hear and feel it. All I know was that He was gone. Gone and never coming back.
"Sorry." That was his last word. Sorry. Sorry for the upcoming destruction of my life. But what about the memories? The happy moments we had together? All will be washed away by the rain?
My first heartbreak.

My father packed his bag, rushed outside, unmindful of the tears of my mother. His cold words struck me with so much pain that it nearly broke me down. His words were etched permanently on my heart. They were like sharp knives that keep on stabbing me and my soul. I never knew I could feel so much pain like this, not until now.
My second heartbreak.

"You were never a best friend to me. Like you said, I barely know you. You're crazy. A fool. I wish I could take back those times I wasted on comforting you." Those were the words that left me so speechless. I could feel the tears run down my cheeks. No, I tried to say but my voice was inaudible. My voice has failed me. "I need you." These were the words that I want to say. But before I could speak again, He was a thousand miles away from me. My best friend (or I thought he was), the one who would wipe my tears when I cry, my best friend who would make a fool of himself just to make me laugh and forget all my sorrows, my best friend who would buy me my favorite chocolates, my best friend who would ditch class with me, my best friend who was my strength, now vanished like he was a part of a dream. Maybe he IS a just a dream, a dream that when I wake up, I would find that he's not here after all.

That was the time that really had me crying. It made me want to scream to the Lord and ask Him why? This was the time that I asked myself, "Why is someone always saying goodbye?" My faith in me was gone. Maybe there's something wrong with me. After all, they are leaving ME.

Every night, I pour it all out through my tears. Every night it made me wonder, what if I was good enough to their eyes, will they stay? Probably. Probably. But I'm not good enough. I was never good. And the truth is slapping me wide awake. They're gone. They left me broken, lifeless.

And that's the reason why I trust no one, not even myself. I do not like the idea of going through another goodbye. It would kill me. But since I'm in a world of realities, I know, there would be more to come. I just hope I would be strong, by the time they come.

But not just now. I had enough for now.