baby,
I could see it in your eyes today. Have I ever told you how much I love your puppy dog eyes? On the rare occasion where I can see them clearly, they take my breath away. Today was not one of those days. Today they are glazed over and blood shot, half-lidded and distant. They are the eyes of a boy I don’t know. Your eyes are always like that after you’ve been with her. You watch me silently as I walk over to you. I wonder what you are thinking. I wonder if you know what is written so plainly in your eyes. Your friends look at me with the same lazy eyes, as you wrap your arm around my waist and pull me in tight. My face is pressed into your chest and your arms are holding me so tight, for a second I feel safe. Then I take a breath, and I smell it. If I hadn’t known before, I knew now. You stink of her perfume. You tell me you love me. You tell me I am the most important thing to you. We both know that’s a lie. You love your friend Mary Jane more then you love me. You tell me she makes you happy, that it’s not wrong for you to be with her. When you release me from your embrace I can smell it on your friends, too. I wonder how much they paid you to let them have your precious Mary Jane. She steals you from me. After you have been with her your brain is in a different place, you smell, you do stupid things that I know you would have never done, if it weren’t for your good friend Mary Jane. She makes you aggressive, she takes away all your motivation. You can’t stop being with her. At first you tried, but now you have given in to her. Mary Jane got you expelled from your last 3 schools. How long until she gets you in trouble again? I cry for you, every night. I worry about you every second. Mary Jane is only one her names. She has many. Pot, weed, grass, dope, bud. Mary Jane introduced you to some of her other friends, not too long ago. These friends are rougher on you. Some of her friends are Coke and X. Some of them leave scars on your arms, sharp needle pricks. This is the price you must pay to be with them. But there are deeper prices, too. The day you met Meth was the day I knew I would never see your clear eyes again. Meth scares me. It bares it teeth at me and growls. It puts new fears in my mind. You could die at any time. I no longer worry about you being caught with these friends. Some times I wish you would be. These friends you are seeing all the time are not really your friends. You are running with the wrong crowd. How long until they turn on you? How long until you time is up? But last night was the last straw. You tried to make me be with your friends. You told me I would like them. You told me I should just try it out. You shook me, and you tried to persuade me but I would not give in. Later you apologized, saying that it was Mary Jane that made you do that. But you chose to let her and her friends control you, and you’re not safe for me to be around.
So, I’m saying this now, while I still have the chance. I love you more than anything and I hold you above everything else. I’m crying as I write this, but I know I have no choice. You have chosen Mary Jane, and I have chosen me. I am not your girlfriend, anymore. I need to keep my distance. Because being to close to you and your good friend Mary Jane is too dangerous.
love?,
me