I commute thirty minutes each morning to get from my house to my school; which is an hour round trip. As a fairly new driver, I use my GPS app quite often to get from point A to point B. This may seem common, but I do something sort of strange while looking at the map on my phone; I zoom it out, constantly. Not necessarily because I am being impatient, but because I want the distance to look shorter. I want to reach point B as soon as possible so I can move on to the more important parts of my day.

Looking back, I have been trying to reach my destination quicker my entire life. When I was five years old, I could not wait to turn ten. Turning ten appeared to be a monumental moment. I remember thinking of how much I could do when I turned ten; I would be in elementary school, not in kindergarten anymore. I would have so many more friends by then, and I’d only be a year away from middle school. 

Unfortunately, by the time I was ten years old, my destination didn’t seem so exciting anymore. Fifth grade wasn’t “all that,” and to be honest I had not made that many more friends. Plus, middle school seemed scary and I’d have to be in classes with the “big kids.” The big kids… although I was terrified of them, I could not wait to be one. The eighth graders looked so much older than me, they were taller and seemed so smart. I was absolutely elated to do their end-of-the-year project (because that’s just the kind of student I am). To top it all off, as an eighth grader, I would finally be a teenager. I remember thinking of how grown up I’d be by then. I would be so cool, and in my mind, all of my anxiety and worries that I had experienced since the age of five would be gone. 

Naive little me, as you continue to travel on, your worries do not disappear. In fact, they usually grow. Which I know is not the prettiest or most comforting thought. But It is up to you to choose how to handle your thoughts; how to cope with them. 

As a teenager, I became as anxious as ever. I experienced panic attacks at home, at school, and at church. It did not matter if I was in my safe space, because, as long as my mind was there, it was just another space. 

Despite it all, I thought that I had finally learned how to take control of my continuous thoughts. The kind of thoughts that keep you awake at night and away from your comforting bed. How did I take control of my thoughts? Well, I learned not to focus so much on the past, which was good. Instead, I really became focused on the future; which was not so good. 

The reasoning behind why this was not good: I was never in the present moment. I was always trying to jump ahead and go faster than I needed to. Any person who knew me could tell that I was never truly there. I was always just sort of there, drifting off into space, wondering what my next stop was in this chaotic life. 

Over time, I have come to the conclusion that It was never about what was next. It was always about the now. Some may think that I came to this conclusion a bit too late. After all, I am going off to college soon; I will be eighteen this upcoming August. But I argue this because, in my opinion, it is never too late to be present in your own life. In fact, as soon as one makes this epiphany, one should act on it. They should make a promise to themselves that they will start living life the best way they know how. They should promise that they will not jump ahead. 

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be: Victoria, please don’t wish your life away. Yes, you’re so correct, the best is yet to come but the best could also be within the now. You don’t need to jump ahead or be so focused on the next best thing. Have goals, but don’t forget that there’s a process to reach said goals, and that takes time.

My message to my current self, and anyone else who cares to listen, is to stop zooming out of your life and looking at the big picture. Simply enjoy the drive.