“Look, look!” my friend Anna whispered, pointing at a someone walking down the stairs.

“Who are you pointing at?” I asked, turning my head to look at the person. Woah.. He’s super cute. But I didn’t bother saying anything because I already knew Anna was going to say that she had a huge crush on him.

“Look over there.” Anna said, pointing toward the stairs near the entrance of the playground.

“That guy, with the blue shirt. Isn’t he like... super cute?!” she exclaimed.

I looked at her as her dark brown eyes twinkled in the sunlight as I tried to figure out if she wanted my honest opinion or if she wanted me to say that he wasn’t cute so that she could keep him for herself.

“Umm, he’s pretty cute...” I admitted. Anna smiled, obviously proud that she was again, correct. Thank goodness, she isn’t too invested in this boy yet.

“His name is William, and he’s a year older than us. A fifth grader!” she said, smiling. “Yeah, he is super cute! I wish he would be our friend.” I said.

Little did I know that this very conversation would lead to my suspension from elementary school. After this conversation my obsession over him grew, I thought about him during school, at home and when I was doing my homework. One day, I am going to go over to the kickball field and talk to him. Day after day, I continued to admire him from afar. Soon, he was the only thing that filled my head and soon enough, it became the reason for my demise.

On a cold Thursday afternoon, my friends Anna, Leilani and I were sitting on the bench watching the handball game. The clouds filled the sky like grey paint splotches, and the light blue sky peeked through. The warm sun was nowhere to be seen. Lelani was talking about how her older sister, a sophomore in high school had gotten her first piercing.

“It looks so so cool!” she exclaimed. “She said it didn’t even hurt and that it was really quick.” Why is she talking about this. She’s been talking about this since the morning. I kicked at a pebble next to the bench we were sitting on and wished that lunch would be over so I would see William again while walking back to class. The conversation between Anna and Leilani droned on and on and eventually I zoned out, unable to focus on the conversation. After mindlessly staring at the cement asphalt for what seemed like forever, the bell rang BUZZZ and my class stopped the handball game and stood in two straight lines near the bench.

After getting into line, a girl in my class named Alyssa frantically came running into line. Her hair band was hanging by a few hair strands and her face was blushed red as a tomato.

“I’m not late am I? The teacher isn’t here right?” she asked, worried. “No, Alyssa…” the class murmured.

“Okay good, I am good.” she reminded herself and got into line behind me.

In line she said,

“Hey… Yerin! Guess what?”, poking my back.

“What do you want...” I said. Mind that I didn’t really fancy her. She had the biggest breasts in the grade level and all the boys wanted to be her friend. Most of the girls who weren’t her friend avoided her.

“You know William right? The fifth grader. The one in Mr.Stentzal’s class?” she asked. “Yeah, what about him?” I asked, suddenly interested. Inside my chest, my heart started thumping faster and faster, and blood rushed up to my cheeks, making it hot.

“Well he asked me to be his girlfriend.” she said and the world started spinning, my eyes watered for the slightest second but I turned around and said,

“That’s cool, Alyssa.”

In class, I sat at my desk and wrote William’s name over and over again on my math worksheet instead of multiplying the numbers. He couldn’t possibly like her! It’s just not possible. As time went on, I started to believe it more and more.

After careful thinking, I decided that I was going to confirm it by asking Alyssa again.

“Hey, Alyssa.” I whispered across the desk. She turned around.

“I need to talk to you after school about something.” “Okay, meet me near the front gate.” she said.

After what seemed like an eternity, the bell to end the day rang. BUZZZZ. And I ran out of the class and to the front gate.

Alyssa slowly walked over and asked,

“What’s up?” “Is William really your boyfriend?” I stuttered, afraid of her response. Alyssa laughed and said,

“Yes, Yerin. And don’t worry. I haven't told him that you like him. But I don’t know if that'll make a difference because practically all of 4th and 5th grade already knows.”

I was speechless. HOW COULD THIS BE POSSIBLE!!!? My life is a mess. What is this. My thoughts raced in my head.

This is all Alyssa’s fault I told myself and stared at her, thinking of what to do. After about 45 seconds of silence, I raised my hand and slapped her face and walked away.

The next day at school, my principal walked into our class and asked to speak with me. I had totally forgotten about what had happened the day before and mindlessly skipped to her office.

In her office, she looked at me sternly and said,

“Yerin… I know what you did yesterday.” “What did I do?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“You physically abused another student..” she said. Suddenly I felt lightheaded and I started coughing, cleary taken aback that she had found out. Oh shit. What the heck. At that moment the bell rang to end the school day and I sped out of her office.

At home I decided that I would tell my mom about what had happened. I went into her room and sat at the side of her bed.

“Mom… I did something at school this week and I think I’m in alot of trouble.”

“What did  you do?” she asked. Sweat started streaming down my face and my hands shook. “I uh uh I slapped a girl because she made me mad.” I stuttered. She sat up in her bed and looked at me.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YERIN GO?” she screeched.

“I don’t know mom.” I whispered. Tears brimmed in my eyes and started streaming down my face.

“I don’t know what to tell you but let’s see what happens tomorrow.” she said.

All night, I tossed and turned. I was more scared of the consequences that my mom would place on me rather than the school.  

The next day at school, I was called into the principal’s office first thing in the morning.

“Yerin, have you thought about what you have done?” my principal asked me.

“Umm I don’t really know what to do I guess…” I stuttered. “Well, your teacher and I discussed what happened and decided that you need to be suspended from school for two days.” My world started spinning. SUSPENDED! What have I gotten myself into…

“Oh.. oh… okay I guess, what do I have to do?” I asked.

“Well we called your parents prior to this meeting so your just going to have to go home and come back on Wednesday.” my principal said.

“Okay, well see you soon.” I said.

When I walked out of the principal’s office, my dad was sitting in the chair closest to the door with a big smile on his face. When I walked up to him he started laughing and said,

“So I heard you slapped a girl because of a boy?”

“Yeah… sorry dad…” I mumbled. He ruffled my hair and said,

“Jealousy happens my friend, jealousy happens...”

Through this experience, I sort of created my first real grudge against someone. I blamed Alyssa for my suspension. Until about seventh grade, I refused to talk to her. Looking back now, jealousy and feeling inferior got the best of me. I learned that I shouldn’t be rash about my decisions and to calm down. Now, I try to not make any hasty decisions about anything.