“Tuck yourself in at night for me,” he whispered to me while I attached my being to his. I never wanted to let him go. Spending two days and three nights straight with him was bliss. We stood in silence on my porch for a moment in the darkness. I recollected all of our times we had together, especially our recent nights. The love we made, falling asleep together, just to wake up next to one another the following morning. I could not envision being without him for approximately four months; but it was going to happen no matter what. It’s been his dream for so long. “Say you love me.”

I paused for an instant. I took in his scent. Even though I could not see his face at that moment, I thought about his facial features as well: his deep brown eyes that I could easily lose myself in; his soft, pink lips that I have kissed a countless amount of times; his short brown hair that I loved to run my fingers through; his soft face that I love to cup in my hands while I placed my lips on his cheek, forehead or even his own lips, and so many more things crossed my mind. I could not list them if I tried. Everything that I thought about… everything I loved about him was going away for four months. Of course that’s not all I love about him. I could not list all of the things I adore. However, I do love his personality, his intelligence, his way with words, his zeal and more.

Before I replied to his entreaty, I briefly thought, he’s really leaving. I know when we first started talking this would happen, but I am not prepared. Not now. Please, stay just one more night.

“I love you, Richie,” I replied holding back tears. He kissed me immediately. Before we finally said goodbye, he put his hand on my back and dipped my body backwards; passionately kissing me like I was a princess. His princess. We have only ever kissed like that two or three times and like those two or three times prior to this one, it was special; however, this time…this time was different. He was leaving for four months to pursue his dream of joining the Army as a combat engineer. We have never been without each other for so long.

After saying our goodbyes, he told me good night and held me. He stepped off of my porch and headed for his truck. I ran after him and kissed him.

It was always sad to depart from each other after just a day spent together, but now, this time hurt; he was leaving for a longer time than usual. As I held on to him, I remembered a specific moment that still crosses my mind from time to time; one day, when we spent a few hours together, he told me that we were bad at goodbyes because it always took us so long to depart from one another. Either he would pull away and I would pull him right back or vice-versa. He held my heart in his hands. How could I just let him go so easily? “After all, we’ve always been bad at goodbyes,” I whispered into his ear as I pulled away from him once again. Our bodies separated from one another.
Yet, I could still feel his hands all over my body; holding me against him, holding my face as he kissed my lips and I could still feel the way his hands held me when we made love. His hands. A part of him that I thought I might miss more than anything. His hands not only held my own hands, but held my heart. They always will. And, I still feel that.

He smiled and agreed that we are indeed, bad at goodbyes. When I finally let him go, I walked back inside. I couldn’t look back. I heard his truck pull away and with every crunch of gravel under his tires, my heart sank lower and lower. When I finally decided to look back, he was already down the road. Like I always do when he departs, I mumbled, “I love you,” except this time it hurt.

It has been about two months since he has left on the 22nd of July and now I anticipate seeing him graduate advanced training in Fort Leonard Wood on November 8th. Since he’s left, we’ve exchanged letters often, telling each other stories with every pen stroke. And of course, frequently telling each other “I love you.”

Of course I miss him and I wish he was in my arms at this moment, but joining the United States Army has always been his dream and I am extremely proud of him. Myself, I have learned a lot from this experience as well: love and be faithful, do not be selfish and cherish every moment you get to spend with a significant other.