I didn’t know it then but Sunday, April 16th, 2024 was the last time I saw my grandpa. 

We went driving as we often did on Sunday afternoons to get my hours in for behind the wheel. My grandpa was not a patient man but he had a way of showing grace when it came to my driving. I may have run over a curb or two when I was first learning but he would either punch me in the arm and tell me to get it together or he would roll down the window and get a little air. He never yelled, never raised his voice, and never made me feel like I couldn’t do it. My grandpa had taught my cousins, my uncle, and my mom to drive also so he had been doing this for years.

Before I lost my grandpa I took a lot for granted, the trips to golf 

the food we ate, the parties, holidays, and movies we watched, the things we saw, the places we went, the things we built and fixed… it all just went over my head.

My mom has told me many stories about when I was born. I arrived in the world 11 weeks early and was very little. I knew from the first time I met my grandpa when I was only days old, under 3 pounds, in the NICU that he would have my back. He visited me multiple times in my 85 days in the hospital, read me books, prayed for me, and supported my parents during the hard times. He was at my house the day I finally got to come home.  He babysat me when my mom and dad went back to work. He learned CPR and was prepared to care for me in any situation.

The day before his death I got bad news, my grandpa signed a DNR (do not resuscitate). I  decided to take the next day off work to go see him and try to convince him to fight and not give up. That night at 12:20 pm  I was woken up by my dad, he said in a soft voice “you need to come downstairs”. I jumped out of bed worried and saw my mom at the bottom of the steps I immediately knew he was gone.  I started crying.  I walked slowly down the stairs in shock.  I got to the bottom and hugged my mom.  She was in disbelief.  We got dressed and got in the car to go see my grandma.  As I sat in my seat in the car, I looked at the seat next to me, I saw his Veterans hat that he had worn the day before.  He was proud of his service to our country.  He had served in the Vietnam War.  

When we got to my grandma’s house and I saw the blank look on my grandma’s face, that’s when it really hit me.  As sad as I was, my grandma just lost her husband of nearly 53 years.  The person she cared for, loved deeply, and made a home with.  She would now be alone. 

Grandma’s house was so quiet.  Grandpa’s laugh was not filling the room. The sound of his walker was not rolling across the floor or hitting the door.  This house was rarely silent.  I didn’t like it.

Let's go back a few years to when I started school, grandpa was at the bus stop on the first day to take pictures because my mom had to work. He helped me get on the bus and assured me that I was going to be ok. He continued to support me through my elementary days, attending every concert, every soccer game, baseball game, and every fun day. His love and support meant so much to me. Looking back, I feel regret, Regret for not thanking him more often. Regret for not running to him to hug him after the events. I wish I could do that today. I wish I could tell him how much I love him. I wish I could hug him one more time. I wish I could ask him to teach me the secret to his alfredo sauce. There are so many things I want to ask him about. He had so much more to teach me. If you think a hug, thank you, or an “I love you” can wait until tomorrow or next time, don’t wait. You never know when today will be the last time. You never know when tomorrow won’t come. It has been one month since his death and I think about him each day 

My grandma gave me the watch he wore almost every day as a gift to remember him by,  I have worn it almost every day since. I use it to remember him whenever I feel upset or stressed.  I hold it like I'm hugging him. 

My grandpa and I bonded over lots of things,  golf was probably #1.  My grandpa was a great golfer and enjoyed teaching me over the years.  He drove me to practice let me drive his golf cart and I helped him get golf balls out of the pond.  I remember one day I was playing golf and he gave me an old driver of his, so we went to the driving range to test it. I managed to hit a ball with that club 280 yards I was so proud of myself and I could tell my grandpa was a little jealous.

The main lesson I learned, is don’t take the small things for granted and be thankful for them. Every minute spent with a loved one should be cherished because you never know when it will be the last time.