I woke up on a seemingly normal morning to the sound of my phone alarm. I dragged myself out of bed and laid on the ground for a little bit, too tired to do anything. Little did I know in a few minutes I would be wide awake having a nice conversation with a police officer. It’s amazing how quickly life can change. 

I had just gotten my license and I was becoming more confident in my driving abilities. My mother was starting to trust me, which is a pretty big deal because my mom is very cautious. My mom has always been rather afraid of me getting my license not because I couldn’t drive well but because she worries about my safety. I, much like my mother, I was cautious but, my recent achievement of attaining my license was making my cautious side fade away.  

I had my license for six weeks and I felt invincible. It was just a matter of time before I would be given a huge reality check. Like many 16-year-olds I was soaking up the freedom of being able to go where I wanted whenever I wanted. In the morning I woke up and left for school. I was driving down Dixie Highway and the light about 500 feet in front of me had just turned green and the line had started moving slowly. At the last possible second the driver of the car in front of me slammed on her brakes and swerved. I only had time to slow down from 50 to 45 before slamming into the car in front of me. The only thing that went through my mind was, Did this really just happen. I looked up after hitting the car. I couldn’t see or hear anything. My ears were ringing and the car was full of smoke. It felt like I was in a war movie where a bomb went off right next to me and I was in a daze. My brain froze and I just sat there. For no reason at all, I threw my glasses off maybe to get myself to snap out of it. “Oh my lord I’m gonna die,” I exclaimed out loud. I got out of that car so fast and I was honestly surprised by my nimbleness that early in the morning. I looked back at the car, it was crumbled and smoke was pouring out of the engine. The car seemed to be frowning at me. My soul felt as if it had crumbled along with the car. 

I was dying of shame. The trust I had just built with my mom was gone in a fraction of a second. I wondered if there was any way I could have avoided this accident. I pulled out my phone and was getting ready to call my Mom, then I thought, Maybe I should call the police. After I got off the phone with the lovely 911 operator, I called my Mom. She was freaking out and told me she was leaving work right away. The police showed up followed by my grandma. She almost beat the police to the scene of the crash. My grandma and I were joking around and she said, “For crying in a bucket Trevor, how are you going to get to school?” “Forget about school grandma, I was looking forward to the ravioli that I left in the car.” My grandma always knew how to make me feel better; when I was a kid and I would be having a bad day. All I would want to do was talk to my grandma; she just made me feel better. My grandma showing up to the crash first was the best thing that happened to me that day; she always helps me focus on the good.   

This really made me realize how fragile life is and how you never know when life could be over for yourself or the people around you. When my mom showed up was when I started to think about the severity of my situation and how lucky I was to get out of the car unscathed. I could have easily been killed if one small thing went wrong. The crash replayed in my mind over and over. There has not been a time since the accident where I have gotten into a car without the crash controlling my thoughts. Through this experience, I have returned to my cautious ways. Every time I drive, I drive in fear, fear that has consumed me since the crash. I kept a badge from the car that was knocked loose from the airbags. I turned the badge into a keychain that I now carry with me every day as a reminder to live each day like it's your last because all it takes is a fraction of a second and life could be done. Not only do I carry a physical reminder of the fragility of life, I also carry the constant fear of being put in another situation like that. The screams of the kids in the backseat of the car I slammed into on their way to school replay every time I drive down Dixie. The smell of fireworks triggers a stream of thoughts connecting to the smell of the airbags. The blood dripping down my leg and my swollen wrist throbbing are images I will never forget.

Another experience that changed my life is my grandpa. My grandpa has been ill for as long as I can remember. We never knew what day would be his last. He was fighting kidney cancer, a brain tumor, Lyme disease, lung cancer, Parkinson's, and seemingly uncontrollable seizures. It was a ten-year battle and he was no longer the pilot of his body he was just a passenger. Trapped. 

My grandparents came over every Sunday for dinner. Slowly I watched my grandfather deteriorate. He went from walking into the door with no problem to four people hoisting him up in his wheelchair just to get into the door. He went from shoveling food into his mouth to having to be fed by my grandma. I hid in my room trying to forget about my grandpa's suffering. Eventually, them coming over every Sunday turned into every other Sunday then they completely stopped coming. My 4’11” grandma could no longer take care of him and we had to put him into a retirement home. I couldn't visit him as much as I wanted to. Every time I went his condition was worsening. The doctors said his Parkinson's was worsening. I will never forget the day my grandpa no longer remembered who I was.  

Then in February of 2020, the helper at the retirement home found him slumped over, unresponsive. He ended up coming to and he recovered from this incident. The next week my grandma received a call and was informed my grandpa wasn’t going to be alive much longer. My uncle, my cousins, and I were on a ski trip when we got a call from our grandma. “Hey, I just wanted to call to let you know grandpa died”. My heart sank to my stomach. I was sad but also felt a great sense of relief. His ten-year battle was over. 

I was very hard on myself because I would hide in my room when my grandparents were over and I wouldn’t talk to them much. After my grandpa passed I promised myself I would cherish every day I get to spend with my grandma. I never let my grandma leave my house without me giving her a big hug. Through my grandpa’s passing my relationship with my grandma has gone from grandma and grandson to best friends. I do not remember anything about my grandpa when he was healthy. But he always had a smile on his face and he was always cracking jokes. After my grandpa's funeral, I started wearing my cross not only as a symbol of my faith but as a reminder of my grandfather's life and all the things his struggle taught me. I also carry a mental pact to always appreciate the time I have with my family. My grandpa has taught me no matter how bad things get, you have to keep fighting because it’s up to you to make the best out of life.  

I now live life with the idea that tomorrow is never guaranteed. I have made it my mission to leave this earth having made an impact on someone's life. I now make sure to tell my family and friends how much I appreciate them. I now understand how one small moment can change your life or even end it.