Breakup Letter | Teen Ink

Breakup Letter MAG

December 6, 2008
By Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"


Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

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This article has 232 comments.

on Nov. 7 2017 at 10:02 am
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
fyuv bkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

on Apr. 1 2017 at 6:32 pm
eshaansoman SILVER, Hillsborough, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 30 comments
relatable lol

Yukine BRONZE said...
on Apr. 26 2016 at 8:46 am
Yukine BRONZE, Chesterfield, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
I like how you integrated an essay style in to something this hilarious and unorthodox. It was a unique, and well done letter XD

on Apr. 26 2016 at 8:44 am
rohanb05 BRONZE, Columbus, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
This is so funny! The ending is so true! Chrome is the new good browser and Internet Explorer just doesn't cooperate anymore, especially with me haha.

Benjy BRONZE said...
on Feb. 12 2016 at 8:27 pm
Benjy BRONZE, Sherman Oaks, California
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." -Henry Ford

This is REALLY hilarious! I loved how you used figurative language to make Windows Internet Explorer sound like a human. I can totally relate to this, too! I only use IE when Google Chrome or Firefox start to stutter on my PC. I still love IE 11, and I use it whenever I like!

on Nov. 24 2015 at 5:52 pm
emmakate45 SILVER, Avon, Connecticut
6 articles 2 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”― Dr. Seuss

This is really funny, I love it!

on Nov. 11 2015 at 10:07 pm
hephillips SILVER, Flowery Branch, Georgia
6 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece of work. I love the way you used personification to give Windows Explorer human characteristics!

larrycain said...
on Nov. 5 2015 at 9:08 am
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
This is a great story. My favorite part was when they said that Napoleon started “busting some moves with his moon boots”.

rebelheart99 said...
on Apr. 5 2015 at 4:24 pm
This is hilarious! :D made my day..

on Feb. 21 2015 at 10:05 pm
WriterOfTheFuture BRONZE, Jefferson, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible"

hi ur piece is realy great will u read mine?

on Feb. 18 2015 at 2:45 am
VartikaSingh GOLD, Ghaziabad, Other
13 articles 1 photo 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
One who make success without any trouble is victory, but one who make a success with lots of trouble is History.

Lovely letter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

on Jan. 12 2015 at 11:02 am
RodrigoC BRONZE, Coconut Creek, Florida
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
The only reason for using internet explorer is to download other browsers, obviously. Hilarious!

on Jan. 7 2015 at 6:01 pm
Thefanatasticagirlie101 SILVER, Euless, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our mind. That's what I hope to give you forever." ~The Notebook

This has officially made my day. It's so hilarious!!!!

on Sep. 20 2014 at 2:15 pm
Bethany_Saint GOLD, Dexter, Maine
14 articles 0 photos 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never regret something that once made you smile." - Amber Deckers

"Stories are more than just images. As you continue in the tale, you get to know the characters, motivations and conflicts that make up the core of the story...." - Livia Blackburne

This made me smile and laugh! Made my day! :)

on May. 14 2012 at 4:00 pm
ScienceLover PLATINUM, Colden, New York
28 articles 1 photo 20 comments
I think Internet Explorer is cheating on you. I'm so sorry to tell this but it's true.

on Apr. 23 2012 at 9:29 pm
_ella_herondale BRONZE, San Diego, California
4 articles 2 photos 222 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...If the Thames that ran beside them...recalled a night where the moon shone as brightly as a shilling on the same boy and girl... and thought to themselves, 'at last, the wheel comes full circle,' they kept their silence."

Oh so funny!!! This was like the story of my life before I went all out Mac. This was such a hilarious story, well written and full of humor!! Congrats on being published in magazine- you kind of absolutely deserved it!

KatsK DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 22 2012 at 10:03 am
KatsK DIAMOND, Saint Paul, Minnesota
57 articles 0 photos 301 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being inexhaustible, life and nature are a constant stimulus for a creative mind.
~Hans Hofmann
You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
~Ray Bradbury

This is awesome! I too have had my share of internet explorer troubles, and am now on Google chrome.

SMILEY738 said...
on Mar. 9 2012 at 11:32 am
SMILEY738, Grand Prarie, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This was weird but funny!!! LOL!!! :)

on Jan. 25 2012 at 4:17 pm
Calligraphic SILVER, Shavano Park, Texas
5 articles 4 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." -Phyllis Diller

I found this absolutely amusing, great job!

on Jan. 3 2012 at 9:57 pm
Cheshirekat SILVER, Boise, Idaho
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Oh you can't avoid that; we're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat

THAT IS SO HILARIOUS! I love it! So awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!