Driving in my car with no mirrors.. no looking back. Driving, driving, driving. Away from the pain. Away from the good-bye. Away from the confusion. The words "I don't love you anymore." Do they not know how bad that hurts a person!

I just needed to talk. I shouldn't let him lead me on especially when he just needs me when he has no one else. I just needed to understand. Understand what he wanted, what his intentions were, and what my chances were. To have him, my first love, the one with a lot of my firsts, what I needed to do. He says nothing? He just wants to be friends. We tried this after he ending things, being friends. It didn't work because I love him and I just want more then just being friends, its just hard! Then I ask the big question, if he loves me anymore. And what he says, no.. its a big word! What made it so little before? What made it okay to say before? Why was it okay then? Why it is so big now?.. I don't get it!
I love him, and the sad thing is, is no matter what he says to me and how bad it hurts me I always will. I promised it.. and I don't break promises!

So on to how I am now. I'm hurt. I'm confused. I'm cold. And I'm alone. I have trust issues, I'm one who keeps things to myself and don't let anyone in. He was the only one I made acceptations to. How could he love me one day then the next day say things changed? How can he hurt me?.. I love him. And driving, driving, driving.. no slowing down.. no looking back.. is what I need to do!