I’ll Never Understand Why


A year and six months have slowly flown by. Since the long hard night I cried myself to sleep. I still don’t understand why. So many questions, with answers I’ll never find.

Everyday I feel a little sadder inside. It makes it hard to smile. That loss was so great. That loss was so dear. Is life really that bad?

Why couldn’t he just talk to me? I would’ve helped him try. But instead I got left to cry. For a while I even really wished, that it would have been me, who died.

His mom called me late that night. I was the first to know. As she told me the horrible news, I got a shiver down my spine. I leaned up against the wall; my body just felt too heavy. So as I stood there frozen in a moment I let in sink in. I slid down the wall I couldn’t take it. The next thing I knew I had dropped the phone, and I was crying.

I don’t know how long I sat there and cried. But I know that it was quite a while, because I eventually woke my mom up. She asked me why I was crying. I told her with tears streaming down my face, “Mom, Tommy’s dead”. Then for a moment she seemed to understand my pain.

Tommy was my best friend. He was so kind. Hardly ever been in trouble. He even got good grades. I’d known him since 1st grade. He was there for me when my grandma died, and helped me cope. Plus I remember the night my hand got cut. I needed stitches, and he came with me. We were always there for each other no matter what.

His funeral was a night mare come true. Seeing someone you care about, laying in a box and not moving. No smile. No hello. Or even a hug. My mom and I left earlier than anyone. I just couldn’t take it. I almost got sick, as I was softly crying.

A week went by, and I was still torn up inside. Then a year passed, and I’ll admit sometimes I still cried. Now about a year and almost 7 months, and I’ll admit, I still wonder why he wanted to go. I still wonder why he didn’t ask for help. I still feel a little empty inside. But I try to keep the good memories, and give a little smile everyday.