I am too careful with you.
No other words seem to come to me, when I think of the way I treat you. There’s tenderness there, a gardener caring for a prized petunia, a nurse monitoring her ward through the night. But I hesitate to say love. I know what it feels to be consumed by something. I know that utter abandonment that clings to passion, and it’s not there.
I fear terribly for you, unsure and unafraid of the endlessness of a candle’s death. Just poof! No more, no remembrance, no regret. That’s not what life is about. Its so much more than your stupid complex rat race, there’s emotion holding us all together. You see failure because you are blind to everything else and that kills me. It absolutely kills me. You suck the life out of me with every negative word you say, every night you can’t talk because you are too depressed and your stupid pride doesn’t let you get help or go to a doctor. You’re an idiot. But I guess I am too. And now we’re stuck tied together with a rope, if I try to leave you’ll pull me off the cliff with you. But can’t it be in my favor for once? Can’t I pull you slowly to greener places? Come to my side of the mountain please, the grass is greener the future is bright and the sun shares its secrets with you while you sleep under the dull glow of a pale moon. I care about you. And I think you care about me. But come on, let this be about more than getting me on a couch every weekend so we can ignore a movie. Extend past the religious talks of blasphemy and undeniable death that you know will one day consume you. Bulls***. Suck it up and live. For gods sakes man, if I can do it you better at least try. No life isn’t perfect, and no, you don’t have any money, you have something better. Youth and people who care about you. Time is yours to bend. Conquer it! Let the warmth of the ones who love you burn tirelessly throughout this journey, and don’t leave room for depression and guilt. If you truly believe there is no afterlife, no continuation of the soul, then finish what you need now. Don’t wait. Because soon, I’ll stop waiting for you.