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Evolving With the Times
Never in my life has my fear consumed me like it is tonight. I’m fearing for 3 lives instead of one. I often ask myself why me, why am I the one who is responsible for this? Using my advice for others is generally okay, useless to me, but it is not enough for me to tell those who need to hear them. On a complete side note, I’m fearful that on the fateful day when names are called and diplomas are handed, mine will not be with the rest. My legs will not walk and the crowd will not cheer. My name will not be on the “Class of 2014? list of graduating seniors. My inability to finish the things that I start may be the cause that’s dragging me below the surface of the waters known as life. Cautious to not sink, I approach my dreams with care, and an extreme capacity of wonder. I wonder about when things in my life will finally start to go right, and when they wont be so damn confusing. When I may be able to finally reach the center of my dreams and maybe even reach the full potential that has always been told to me. Although, I believe that potential is a dirty word. Its always what you can do, never a goal that can be fully fulfilled. Leaving an open ending to any statement, it can cause a place of confusion and loss of self identity. Therefore creating an illusion that we were okay, when we are indeed broken and bleeding. I am at a place in my life right now that I have decided that I am my own person and I do indeed have problems. I remember back to a time when my self denial and self seeking personality caused me a mass amount of trouble. I was lost between myself and who I thought I was. Now I have finally come to the realization that to be happy, all I have to be is me. Me. Finally concerning myself with my own problems has created a more mature version of myself. I’m growing, but not physically. Mentally and emotionally. I have begun to look past the mere side effects of the everyday hatred that comes from being in high school and have learned to just look past what they say. After all, why does the words of another insecure individual rule my life? It has and it will not anymore. I am finished with living based on how other people think or feel. I am tired of constantly pressuring myself to be perfect and those who love me will understand. Like my favorite artist and role model says “Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.” Demi is my hero, and will always hold a special place in the discovery of myself. She has taught me so much in learning to love who I am rather than hate who I’m not. So here is my suggestion. Live your life for you. Not anyone else and you will find so much more happiness and serenity within yourself.
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