Someone once asked me “how do I become tough like you?” The answer is that I don’t know, I can’t give a good answer because I’m not tough. These days life feels like it moves way too fast, we grow up too fast. The first girl I ever kissed is dead, two of my friends died, I don’t want summer to come. Once summer starts it’s bad. Kids want to be grown and those who are grown want to be kids and now there’s a bunch of bodies. The local mall which used to be THE middle school hangout spot is a literal warzone. If Iraq is the real trenches then how come my city had four times the amount of deaths in 2020. I don’t need long words to tell you that I’m sad and scared. I always wanted to be older than I was, and I know for a fact that most people my age feel the same way, but now I have to live with the responsibility of growing up in a world where a cold heart is desirable. I don’t like having to watch what I say to someone because I know the second I turn around I could catch a 9. Yeah, we should be angry, we should be fighting for gun control, but I live in the capital of California, if these policies worked then I wouldn’t be writing this. Welcome to real life, skin color doesn’t matter but for some reason, the logo on my fitted does. I don’t want to hear another person say “We smoking on that (insert name here) pack!” What do those people know? They’re talking about someone’s son, brother, uncle, nephew, or dad. Maybe I need a gun, seems like everyone has one, rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it I suppose. What’s the point of going to school every day, hitting the gym, and benching 350 if all it takes is a hundred-pound wannabe gang-banger to put me in someone’s Instagram highlights? I’m writing this to say that there’s something in the water, something in the air, and something in our hearts. I didn’t have the answer then, and I sure don’t have the answer now, which is bad in a world where everyone has somewhere to go but nowhere they need to be.  Maybe we don’t need any more answers, seems like people now have more answers than there are even questions to answer.