“ I’m not crazy!”

  “Sure you are, sweetie. That’s why you’re in here,” the orderly tells me narrowing her eyes. Her lips curve into a sneer as she gives me a look of contempt and shuts the door to my cell.
“ You’re effing crazy,” I screech as I run and kick the door in frustration, a loud clang echoed .out shortly after. I no longer remember how long it has been since they’ve trapped me in Edinburgh Asylum, but what I do remember is that they made a grave mistake.
I picture my brother Abel with his mousy hair and haunted eyes. The day they captured me was fuzzy, but he was there lying on the floor.  I can’t remember exactly what we were doing there. Was he even there? All I remember is blood, so much blood. It was smeared across the wall, in pools upon the cracked concrete floor, and on my hands. That can’t be right, can it?
There was no blood, just my vivid imagination painting the picture the demented psychiatrist told me had occurred. Every day he asks me what happened and everyday I tell him that this is all a misunderstanding, but he never listens! The psychiatrist and his doctor friends sit me down and tell me I am a bad man who has done a very bad deed.
They are wrong! This is all a mistake! I am not supposed to be here. I need to get back to my brother. He cannot live without me, he needs me.
Days have passed and thanks to the medication they have given me I am starting to forget that I need to find a way out. I have been taking the pills they give me and stuffing them in my pillow so my mind will be less distorted and more aware to plan my escape attempt.It does’nt seem to make any difference. All that changed was a wicked headache pounding upon my brain all moments of the day.
On the third day they let us out to get some exercise. Edinburgh Asylum could have(,at one point) been a very impressive manor house before it was taken over by the mentally insane. The entrance is made up of white marbled walls with high ceilings and arches (converging) into the exquisite glass chandelier. The second floor overlooks the first with a greek classical style balcony.  The balcony overlooks a floor to ceiling window that provides a clear view into the gardens. From there the orderlies can monitor without actually having to do anything when we do our recreational time.
It may seem like you can see everything with those windows, but there are certain blind spots(which Only those who have spent the longest in Edinburgh know of. I have only been here a while but I’ve learned to make friends with those who have. Those who have been here the longest come in two different kinds of crazy.There are the ones who are so doped up on meds that they just stare into vast nothingness, never lucid. Then there are the ones who have lived through all the alternate methods of curing insanitycrazy whoand are left with a voracity to live life before they to are sucked into the emptiness of that Edinburgh makes them become. That is exactly who Salem is. He is one of the oldest patients by far and people seem to steer clear of him. He scares people. It must be his reptilian features. Oddly enough he seemed to know me when I had only heard of him due to his popularity amongst the orderlies.
“Cain!,” he greeted me, “How’s it rollin? Seen your brother lately?” he barked out in a loud voice as he lifted his brow, shooting me a sneer .
My blood ran ice cold. How could he know about my brother? No one in the asylum could have known. “Who are you and how do you know my brother?”
He laughs and tilts his head back while scrutinizing me. My looks seem to do little to impress him. He quickly turns and looks intently upon a peach tree as if it carried all the answers to the world.  “ You told me all about it don’t you remember? Anyways I did what you asked, I found it!”
“Found what?” How can I not remember ever having a conversation with this man. It’s because you are crazy.
“ A way out silly just like you asked me too.” He speaks slowly as if talking to a child who does not understand which immediately sets me on edge.
It takes me a moment but I finally understand what he has been trying to tell me. My stomach drops down to my toes and a million possibilities enter my head. Has God finally answered my prayers? Is there really a way out? “Really and where is that?” I ask, attempting to feign disinterest.
He laughs and gives me a conspiratory wink. “There is a door the orderlies use that leads to the streets for their smoke break. It’s hidden behind the marble lion and is usually locked unless one of the orderlies uses it to get outside to take a smoke. Wait for them to open the door and don't let it close all the way. Wait two minutes for the orderly to walk to the other side then slip through and hide. When the orderly is done they will go back in and lock the door. From there you just take the way the orderly went, it should lead to the outside.”
“Why are you helping me? Are you trying to leave with me?”
“ No just helping an old friend. Besides there is nothing left for me on the outside.” In that moment he begins to look his age as an unreadable expression crosses his features and he quickly turns away. “Good luck,” he adds.”And tell your brother I said hi.”
“ Thank you,” I said sincerely as I ran off into the asylum, except I was not running into madness. I was running to freedom.Through the windows I see one of the workers sneaking behind the lion. Now is my chance, it's now or never.What if freedom is not what I imagined?
I run behind the lion just in time to stop the door from closing.I recite the song I’m Comin’ Home by Diddy twice before I decide I have waited long enough. Rushing through the door I forget any warnings given to me and continue running. For a second I can almost taste freedom, that is until I am seized by the neck aggressively from behind.
My captor uses my momentum against me and slams me down against the ground. An explosion seems to go off in my head making my continuous dull headache into a monster obsessed with destroying my brain.
“Thought you could get away did ya?”
I clench my fists as I wrap them around my head.Freedom is so close and I will not allow anyone to keep me from it. As he bends over to pick me up I sweep his feet from underneath him and jump atop of him. Screaming out a curse I begin to pummel his face. I keep wildly striking him until he goes limp. Satisfaction runs through me Abel I am coming, I think to myself.
Feeling a warm thick liquid upon my arms I look down and see that my hands have been soiled with blood. This brings back a memory of a similar situation. It is as if I have opened a floodgate because suddenly I am bathed in a memory, it is the memory of the night I have been trying to forget.
It was a really horrendous day. I had a horrible headache pounding against my temples that no amount of alcohol could not seem to dull. I also kept hearing voices but whenever I looked around there was no one there. I sighed and hunched over the cutting board. Just a couple more hours, I thought to myself, then you can sleep it off.
Suddenly I heard  guitar strings being strummed . I jump and turn to see Abel on the kitchen counter playing with my most prized possession. My father’s guitar, the only thing I have left of him.
“Pretty cool isn’t it,” he declared “I found it amongst your things. It is pretty old but maybe someone would buy it and we could get a new one?”
I clenched my fists and feel my face turning red. He began to strum it again and one of the strings popped off in the process. That was the final straw to my already stretched thin emotions. It was as if a floodgate had opened up and released all of my pent up anger.
“That was my father’s guitar!” I screeched as I lunged towards him. He did not see me coming and had no
time to move as I jumped atop of him and attacked him. All the while those whispering voices came back but ten times louder. Kill him! They raged at me. Do it!
I don't remember what happened next but when I regained control of my emotions I took a deep breath and shook myself of  all of my negative feelings. I opened my eyes and what greeted me was a nightmare come to reality. There was so much blood. It was smeared across the wall,in pools across the cracked concrete floor, and on my hands. So much blood.
My muscles convulsed and I fell to my knees onto the bloody cracked concrete  floor. “Abel!” I cried out with my stomach heaving and tears streaming down my eyes. “Forgive me brother for I have sinned and you my sweet sweet brother have paid the greatest price.”
I could not let this crime go unpunished. There is obviously something really wrong with my mind that I have ignored for too long. I need to turn myself in. A monster like me shouldn't be allowed out in the streets.