I'll Be A Monster | Teen Ink

I'll Be A Monster

October 22, 2010
By ShedYourYellow SILVER, Mission, District Of Columbia
ShedYourYellow SILVER, Mission, District Of Columbia
7 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Animals crawled out of the darkness, hiding under the night sky.
The moon, their guide.
Human carcasses littered the roads, the buildings throughout the town were torn apart.
There was nothing left untouched. Nothing left in tact.
every human had been ripped limb from limb, the sounds of their skin being torn apart still echoed hauntingly in the air.
A tragic, horrific scene.
No one was left alive.

But there was a girl, she wasn't all human. No, humans had souls, this girl had left hers a long time ago. She'd lost her soul.
Cowering in the darkest corner of an alley way, she let out a single, anguished sob of disgust for what she'd become.
Her hands were stained red, and she could feel the blood around her mouth drying.
She'd digested so much blood that it was seeping out her eye sockets.

"What have I done?" She choked out.
Her soul was gone, but her anguish and guilt remained.
the rodents stopped to stare curiously at the girl.
She felt them looking.
"Get away!" She roared, her voice rising, sounding more animal than human.
She turned her bloodthirsty eyes on them, and watched as they continued to flood the town.
She might not have noticed the tiny movement of one human arm, if she hadn't been looking in that direction.

But her sharp, piercing eyes didn't miss the movement.
"Help," the figure moaned, and she realized the pile of blood was still alive.
She walked like a predator towards its prey.
"Hello?" She asked uncertainly, pretending to be merely a little girl, just what she looked like. On the outside.
"Can you help me, I'm in so much pain," he said, gritting his teeth.
The girl dropped to her knees beside the boy, and gently touched his arm.
"What is your name?" She asked.
"Dallas."
She smiled.
"Dallas, have you ever kissed anyone before?" She questioned.
"N-no," he mumbled.

She grinned even wider at this, and slowly touched her lips to his passionately.
His weak lips kissed back with as much force as he could muster.
"oh," he groaned into the kiss.

The sweet scent of his torn flesh was overpowering the girl, she couldn't hold on for long.
But there was a place in the back of her mind.
Something buried long ago, only now resurfacing.
She had a past.
But that past was brutally destroyed when she lost her soul.
She remembered killing her mother first, and the look of utter horror on her fathers face as she grinned, blood seeping through her shirt.
She recalled the satisfaction of seeing her dad cry. He'd once told her that only wimps like her cried.
She watched as his body grew limp, and his soul vanished, too.
She took pleasure in knowing that her daddy had lost his soul.

She was a living massacre.
An anomaly.
A departed tragedy, leaving far beyond the limits of sanity.
She was an immortal monster, forever haunting the town that she once bowed down and obeyed.
But there was one thing she wondered.
Everyone was dead. Their souls demolished.
So why wasn't she dead?
Or maybe she was.

"Dallas, do you know what it feels like to be a monster?" The girl asked, turning to him, watching his forest green eyes widen.
"What?" he asked, his inky black hair matted with red liquid looked shiny in the setting light of the sun.
"Do you know how it feels to lose your heart?" She said, a smile edging its way onto her lips as she watched his weak attempts at moving.
"Please," he sobbed.
"Dallas, do you have any idea what its like to be me?"

His jaw clenched, and his forehead became sweaty.
The girl lost her control.
And without a second glance at his teary eyes, she ripped out his throat.

The author's comments:
This is one of my better stories. I'm actually pleased with the way it turned out.

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This article has 2 comments.


on Oct. 27 2010 at 11:25 am
AaronLawrence SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
9 articles 5 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
I may be an idiot, but i&#039;m not stupid<br /> <br /> Until you change me enough that i&#039;m convinced I need to change, I won&#039;t change

This was extremly dark, and good.  Great imagery but it needs a lot of work.  First thing, it has a ton of shock value, almost overkill, i'd reccomend starting out more gently and ending with the climax of tearing out throat (throat also a little cliche, maybe differant organ?).  I liked the kiss thing, that was hot, but killing the parents is way overused and makes it seem almost sappy (maybe just mention one of the parents, not both),  Also considering mentioning why she's a monster, upbriging, mental disease.  Final thing is pile of Blood??  Blood doesn't pile, it is a fluid, try bloody limbs, guts, flesh, bones, but not just plain blood, i had trouble picturing that.  In all you have a horrific (in a good way) bit of flashfiction.  Keep editing

on Oct. 27 2010 at 11:22 am
AaronLawrence SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
9 articles 5 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
I may be an idiot, but i&#039;m not stupid<br /> <br /> Until you change me enough that i&#039;m convinced I need to change, I won&#039;t change

This was extremly dark, and good.  Great imagery but it needs a lot of work.  First thing, it has a ton of shock value, almost overkill, i'd reccomend starting out more gently and ending with the climax of tearing out throat (throat also a little cliche, maybe differant organ?).  I liked the kiss thing, that was hot, but killing the parents is way overused and makes it seem almost sappy (maybe just mention one of the parents, not both),  Also considering mentioning why she's a monster, upbriging, mental disease.  Final thing is pile of Blood??  Blood doesn't pile, it is a fluid, try bloody limbs, guts, flesh, bones, but not just plain blood, i had trouble picturing that.  In all you have a horrific (in a good way) bit of flashfiction.  Keep editing.