as alice looked out the window the silence in the car killed her mood. She is really excited about returning to her home town in New Jersey she brushed her fingers against her light brown hair and saw the six carat diamond engagement ring resting on her hand looking over to her left seeing paul who was driving his blonde hair flipped over as the sunlight hit his pale hazel eyes made him look even more beautiful . He always smirked even if he was angry when he did something bad or lied he would always

laugh those who knew him always heard him laugh "Alice?"said paul looking straight at the road "yea"replied Alice looking at him curiously seeing how his brow creased when he was serious "are you excited about telling your parents?" he said nervously Alice smiled paul had proposed six months ago. They knew each other since they were kids as years passed they grew closer they were room mates in college "yea i am" said alice as the excitement grew they drove for hours in silence it seemed like an eternity paul took the exit out of the road and started driving toward town. Minutes passed Mr. Sterling's ice cream shop , Paul would sweep the floor every sunday after church and Mr. Sterling would give him ice cream Alice looked at Paul anxiously "stop!!! Paul stop!!!" screamed alice Paul pulled over Alice jumped out and ran passed Mr. and Mrs. Barker's pharmacy taking a turn on main street the trees leafs swayed in the breeze and stood in front of bridal shop owned by Mrs. Iero she opened the door walking inside "hello? Mrs. Iero ?"said alice the silence grew a noise came from the back of the storage room Alice walked slowly and catiously a figure in darkness walked toward Alice panic grew inside of Alice "please don hurt me!"screamed Alice lifting her hands out as if to protect her self a woman about sixty stood in front of Alice ''Alice is that you ?" said the woman "Mrs. Iero!"exclaimed Alice smiling looking around "i came to ask you if you could make my wedding dress the wedding is six months from now" said Alice smiled big blushing "oh Alice! that is wonderful news. who are you getting married to?"asked Mrs. Iero "i am marrying Paul Adams!!!" exclaimed Alice feeling absolutely wonderful like floating in air Mrs. Iero started taking Alice's measurements for the wedding dress Mrs. Iero looked at the clock getting her purse in a hurry grabbing Alice's hand pushing her out the door closing the shop "Alice dear listen to me, go some where safe where those beings cant harm you. go to parents house and do not come out at night at all" said Mrs. Iero getting in to her car driving away Alice stood in the middle of the side walk noticing that there wasn't any one doing shopping or children playing eating ice cream she walked back to look for Paul staring at her feet she bumped in to something Alice screamed as loud as she could some one held her back "ALICE ALICE !!!!STOP!!" it was Paul he wrapped his arms around her "oh paul what is going on? Mrs. Iero kicked me out of her warning me to stay inside at night because the evil things will kill me!!" Alice screamed at Paul they got in to the car and headed to Alice's parents house when they got there it was already night paul got the suitcases out Alice knocked on the door but no one anwsered "MOM DAD!!!!!OPEN THE DOOR!! NOW!!!" screamed Alice but only silence replied .....

I like the story, it is very interesting. But, there were quite a few gramatical errors which made the story a bit difficult to read. In addition, I was confused by some of the parts in the story. For example, why was Alice all of a sudden afraid of evil beings? The story also seems to jump from past to present without any transitions.

The story was an enjoyable read, and I look forward to reading the rest.

By the way, would you look at some of my stories, rate, and critisize? I'd appreciate it.

good...you have a few errors, but other than that, very good and Kudos! :)