Josee Whitewater




Chicken Dance
Chickens are stupid creatures. They have brains the size of peas so you can’t really blame them, but come on. They are literally not smart enough to go to another nesting box when their favorite one is taken. They will just go ahead and sit right on top of the other chicken and then proceed with laying. They don’t even try to sit next to them. Nope. Right on top. That is why I can’t wait for butchering season. I have to wait two, long, boring years to do it. And during those years all they do is be loud and tear up your garden beds, and then as soon as they are two and their laying slows down, you get more. Chicks may be cute and I can’t lie, I love chick season. But chicks are almost four times dumber. I’ve seen a chick drown in an inch of water. What the hell? They are all cute and you love them then half die. It’s impossible to have every single chick live to adult hood. Half are going to die. No. matter. What. “Well then take better care of them” you might say. No, that’s not the case. They just like dying. When it comes to butchering day, you have to do it in a small fenced area, because what do they do after you remove their head? They start running. HELLO! YOU’RE DEAD. STOP. BE DEAD. Please? I’ve always wondered why they do it. They are the only animals that do it to. What, do you like to go out with a bang or something? Or do you just like really pissing people off?
Today is my second birthday. Ooooh yippee for me! NO. No yippee. Turning two means it’s time to die. I don’t know why, I mean I’m in perfect health. I do a good job protecting my hens and I have never, not ONCE attacked one of my caretakers. Ok maybe ONCE but hey they snuck up behind me, and I panicked. I don’t think so. Anyways, today is my second birthday and I’m hoping that, like some roosters, I get to live. The hens aren’t that lucky though. Once you turn two, it’s out with the lights and you get a new bunch. That is, if you’re lucky enough to be spared for another cycle. Like my dad for example. He lived to be three cycles old. That’s a long time. I want to be like him. Old and wise. Well I guess instead of moping around, jumping at every sound and cowering in the dark, I think I will go out and check on my hens.
As I walk out from under the porch, I see all of my girls, scratching at the soil looking for bugs. I ruffle my feathers and look around for any suspicious movement. Ok. Coast is clear. I to begin to scratch at the dirt, trying to find any leftover bugs that the hens might have missed. Nothing. Darn. I guess I will just have to wait until the humans feed us. I walk to the gate of the pen. Oh no, the usual signs of slaughter time. They closed the gate last night so we couldn’t hide. Ok, now is a perfect time to panic. Just now I hear the door to the humans place open and close. Uh oh… this is it. The human walks to the gate and sets down a long black blade. I think I should be hiding right about now. Or maybe I should just act natural. Ok. Act natural. I start scratching at the earth again, trying to advert my eyes from the blood stained blade used to do the slaughtering. The human comes through the gate and starts chasing the hens into the nesting cages. The ones that have not yet passed their second year get tossed out of the cages, and the ones that are older than two, stay in the cages for a gruesome death. I hate watching it. I don’t understand it. Off with the head, then somehow they start to jump and run like madmen. It seems like it would be impossible for a headless chicken to move, but every time the head is chopped, they start to flop and run and jump. The humans almost now have all the hens into the cages. I hold my breath. They then start towards me, and since I know the drill, I run in. I’m a little calmer now that I am with my hens. The sorting starts. I know it’s unlikely that I will be killed. I’m only two. But still I hold my breath. Hen after hen is being tossed out. There is about twelve left and they stop sorting. Oh god. No. they didn’t take me out. This is bad. What did I do? I have been perfect! I try to jump out but it is no use. I am to be slaughtered. There is nothing I could do about it either.
Well I guess now I get to find out why chickens jump and run around after the slaughtering. I press myself to the corner. The roosters are always first because we have a tendency to attack during this time. Maybe if I am good and I just let them take the hens they want, then they will spare me. Ok that’s what I will do. I won’t fight. I won’t do anything. I will just let it happen. After all there is nothing I can do. I am powerless against the humans. The human reaches into the cage and takes a hen. What? They always do the roosters first. Come on. Don’t make me wait. Do I get to live? Or do I have to die? They toss the hen out. Ok maybe they just missed one and they are going to let me go next. Maybe they don’t see me. I stand up and make myself be seen. Doing that either shortens, or lengthens my life. Let’s hope it lengthened. The human grabs me by my feet. I flap my wings madly then go limp. Is this really the end? Come on. This can’t be it. Is this really all there is to a chicken’s life? Suddenly I am filled with anger. No this won’t be it. I turn my head and bite into the human’s leg. They jump and bash me into the side of the cage, temporarily paralyzing me. Well that went well. They take me to the head removal block. They throw me down. My head snaps backwards. I can’t move. All I can do is watch. Watch as the long, now blood covered blade rises in the air. The morning sunlight gleams off of it. I want to close my eyes but I can’t. The blade comes down with a loud thunk and suddenly the world is spinning.
Everything is blurry. The lawn spins underneath me. Then everything is black. But wait. Suddenly I am running. What is happening now? I can’t stop. I hear laughing. Who would be laughing on such a gory day? Suddenly I am blinded by the light. A white silvery light. Somehow my head is back on my body where it should be. Did I dream the whole thing? My eyes focus on everything around me. No, I’m not dreaming. I am in heaven. Or hell. It looks like heaven. But it does not feel very heavenly. Ok, if this is heaven, then I want a do over because this is not what I expected. There are lines. Lines everywhere. They look like they go on forever. I am in the middle of one. All the hens and roosters around me cluck nervously. The line moves fast. I don’t stand still a single time. It keeps moving. Closer and closer to a big huge gate. On the other side, it has two paths. One is grimy and dark. The other is warm and happy looking. Is this not heaven or hell, but in-between, where your fate is decided? And if so, how is it decided? It’s almost my turn. At the end of the lines, I can now see chickens running and jumping and flopping pathetically. What is happening now? There is a big booming laugh again. I couldn’t see source of the laughter. The gate opens and a group of chickens run through. Some go down the dark path, others down the warm path. Why would they go down the dark one? I am next. The first chicken from every line steps forward and forms a group. We all stand there shaking. There are about 25 of us. Why are we all in one group? Suddenly the big thunderous voice barks an order at us. “NOW DANCE”, it says. No one knows where it is coming from. At first we all just stand there confused. Then one by one the few in my group start to get put on the path to hell. Now we all understand. Dance or go to hell. What sense does that make? No one asks any questions, they just obey. One by one everyone starts to move their feet. I decide what the hell? So this is why after the removal of our heads we flop around madly. Our souls are still connected to our bodies as we dance. After we cross over, our souls must detach and leave our bodies forever. Why not go out with a bang. I jump in the air. I don’t care what it takes. I am going down the warm path. I jump and swing my wings around. The laughter begins again. So, it isn’t about being good or bad, it’s all just a game, I don’t care. I just kept moving. Everyone around me is following suit; some slide around, pathetically, not knowing dancing from awkwardly jumping in the air. The ones like that are pushed down the dark path before they can even improve. That’s not going to be me. I keep moving. Jumping, twisting, and tapping my feet on the pearly floor. I have no clue what I’m doing, I just keep doing it. There is only about six of us left. We are all moving about, madly trying to go down the warm path. Two more are shoved down the dark path. Then the last four, which includes me, are all stopped. We have no control of our bodies; I twitch slightly at the force controlling me. We are all pushed closer to the paths. This is it. Heaven or hell. I twitch my feet uselessly, as if I can steer myself to the warm path. Suddenly I realize I am aimed at the dark one. Oh no, no, not this. I try to fight this ugly force that has taken control of me, but it’s useless. At the last minute all four of us are given a shove to the warm path, and we get control of our bodies. We run. And run. We don’t stop. There is no way I am stopping until I see those pearly gates. We all turn a corner, and there they are: the gates of heaven. For real this time. We are all gasping for air, but we don’t slow down. We get to the gates. The other three run ahead, and burst through. I stop to take a breath. This is it. I made it to heaven. I take a deep breath and cross over. I am filled with a warm safe feeling. I don’t even look back. What I see is about a million times better than I could have ever imagined.