Dear Board of Education,

I read through the proposal of introducing a dress code for students. I see the duplicity of these lies. Let it be known that I will not tolerate these actions. “An attempt to curb discipline problems and prepare for the working world” was a nice cover, but after investigation I could construe the proposal into the real agenda. To breed monkey alien rats.

I was distraught when I discovered the truth. “Nice pants and shirts” was a dead giveaway. There is a paucity of people who would read this and discover the truth. Nice pants are made of alien rat fur, and only the best of shirts are made out of monkey fur, so why not breed a new race? I know you have an acrimonious view point on the safety of students, but this is a very pernicious crime.

I have contacted the police for your egregious lies. This letter will be going out to the parents of all students in this area, and I’m sure it will elicit an angry mob or two. You will not receive impunity for these lies!