Opulence: Another Peek | Teen Ink

Opulence: Another Peek

November 4, 2008
By AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
5 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

Life it too short to let you matter.


I drive up to the gate, leading to the huge group home. It’s brick, old, and three stories. This is the local area for trainers and apprentices to stay. I moved out a while ago, when my basic training officially ended and I turned eighteen. Since then my office, at the nearest O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E. building, has been more than enough. I travel a lot.

“This place is huge. Are you sure we’re allowed to be here?” Evan asks, gaping at the fortress from the window of the car after I turn down the music.

“I have the code and they’re expecting us. Rooms have already been prepared, along with a work space. Walter’s even here. He was my trainer, and now will over see my work with you,” I say, not mentioning how upset he’d been with me when I took the time to tell him what happened, during a bathroom break.

“So he’s your boss?” Evan asks as I put in the code and pull up to the residents’ driveway.

“No more than I’m yours. He’s simply my teacher and superior in the organization. I have plenty of respect for him, but I report to others, not him,” I say with an eye roll at the very idea.

Evan says as I pull into a parking spot, “You realize I don’t know any magic. I don’t even have any stuff, like clothes. This is all a bit sudden.”

“Best to keep a brisk pace or you’ll have time to think of how odd this all really is. You don’t need to worry about any belongings. Your room is furnished and we’ll provide everything you need for magic training. Besides that, all apprentices have a cafeteria to eat at, that costs you nothing. You also have an apprentice uniform, which you’ll be fitted for first thing,” I say as I leave the car.

“Great, this is sounding almost as bad as school,” Evan sighs.

I grumble as I lead him to the main entrance of the estate, “You were never this chatty back at school. I wish I’d known about your complaining before I signed on to be your trainer.”

I don’t mention that he’s my first apprentice, and I would have taken anyone.

“I’ll take you to Walter first. Then I’ll show you your room, our work space, and where you will be able to find me. I don’t normally stay here, but as your trainer, I have to be readily available. After all that, you’ll be fitted for your uniform and I’ll give you a tour of the place. I’m sure you’ll find it to your standards,” I say confidently.

“Wait,” Evan says, grabbing my hand to stop me.

I act on reflex, everything happening before I have the chance to realize I have him turned around, pressing the pressure point on the back of his neck as I hold his arms behind his back. He gasps in shock and pain. Then I realize what I’ve done and release him sheepishly. One such as myself, small and cute, I need to have fast reflexes. The places I go aren’t always the most civilized, and I look like I could easily be taken advantage of.

“What was that for? It really hurt!” Evan exclaims, rubbing his arms.

“Sorry,” I say, slightly embarrassed. “What were you saying?”

“Sure, just go on like nothing happened. I was going to say that you’re rushing things a bit. I don’t even want to be here, not that you bothered to ask,” Evan says, dryly.

I shrug and continue moving toward the building, saying over my shoulder, “That doesn’t really matter, Evan. Every person with the power must be trained, under law. It will be easier if you see this as helpful, instead of mandatory. You could really hurt someone, without proper control of your abilities. Besides, you should be very comfortable here. It won’t be forever.”

“How long will I be forced to live here?” He asks.

I ignore his negativity and say, “It depends on how well you commit yourself to your studies. If you don’t accomplish the basic training then you have to stay. Once you have you can request to be moved back home, where you’ll be put into contact with a tutor in your area.”

“You’ve been here for over a decade. Is that how long it takes for ‘basic training’?” He asks as I open the front door and usher him inside.

I laugh lightly and say, “Of course not. I completed that years ago. I’m well within the realm of mastery. It just happens that I have no where else to go, and trust me, I don’t mind. I would much rather devote myself to the power. I don’t see it as a punishment, but more of a privilege.”

“You mean, I don’t have to go back home?” Evan asks.

I raise an eyebrow and say, “I thought you were eager to go home and be back with your parents?”

He laughs, a harsh noise and says, “If what you’re saying is true, that everything here isn’t that bad, then I’m fine with staying here until I’m eighteen. My parents never wanted a child, and even less so after they had me. I doubt I‘ll be missed.”

Evan finally comes into the house and I close the door behind me. In the foyer there are smooth, hard wood floors, with large closets along the walls. The room leads out in three ways, forward and to the left and right. There are lights set dimly with no windows besides the one above the front doors.

“I’ll take that for you Miss Wordsworth. I hope you had a most pleasant trip,” A middle aged woman says as she rushes in, face flushed, dressed in a staff uniform.

“Thank you, Kate,” I say as I hand her my light-weight, green trench coat.

“No problem Miss. I’ll take your’s as well young man,” Kate says happily, reaching for Evan’s coat.

He hands it to her awkwardly and she quickly hangs them up and puts them in the residents closet. The clothing is neatly labeled in sections for apprentices, trainers, and such. Evan watches her perform this task uncomfortably. He will soon have to get used to it, seeing as staff and such will be around him often now. I don’t see why people are distressed by servants, since it’s their job.

“Evan, this is our housekeeper, Kate. Usually the butler comes to the door. Kate, this is the newest addition to apprentices, Evan Grant,” I say to them both.

“So nice to meet you, Mr. Grant,” Kate says with a smile and a slight nod of her head.

“You can call me Evan,” He mumbles back.

“Mr. Grant, there is protocol here. I don’t mean any disrespect, but this is a formal relationship. Now, would you like me to show you two to your new accommodations?” Kate asks expectantly.

“Actually we’ll need to be shown straight to Walter,” I redirect her.

“Of course. I’ll show you myself this time, Mr. Grant, and don’t hesitate to come to me if you need help. Other than that, I run this estate. I do not play tour guide or bell hop. I am very busy and while I’m here to serve, serving you is not necessarily my main task. I organize everything, so one of the other staff will usually perform these tasks. I shouldn’t want you to be confused by it,” Kate tells Evan politely, while telling him firmly where she draws the line in the sand.

“No problem,” Evan nods, a little confusion showing on his face.

Kate wisely ignores it, trusting me to clear things up later on estate etiquette, and says, “Very well, this way then. He’s on this level, in his office.”

Kate leads us out of the foyer, to the left. It’s basically one main hallway, decorated with ornate light fixtures, intricate paintings of important organization members, burgundy rugs with gold details above the hard wood floors, cream walls, and gold trim. Overall the appearance is grand and sophisticated. It seems warm even though it isn’t necessarily.


As the three of us continue we pass countless doors, large, dark wood ones. Behind them are offices for the employees here, trackers and trainers that are currently here doing desk work. This is mainly the newest and oldest members. They are not doing field duty at the moment, but are still involved. The first offices are secretaries and other low ranking members. Since I’ll be actively training, my office will not be among these.

Kate takes us a little further before stopping and announcing, “Here we are. I assume he is expecting you. Should I send for any refreshments?”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” I say distractedly, ignoring Evans eager expression.

“Very well Ms. Wordsworth. It’s very nice to have you back here, and it’s very nice to meet you Mr. Grant,” Kate says courteously before moving back the way we came.

“Who is Walter again?” Evan asks as I’m reaching for the door.

“Hush! Would you like him to hear you say that?” I ask, removing my hand with a jerk. “Walter is my trainer and who we will be reporting to. You had best remember that. If you excel, or fall behind, he is who you’ll be dealing with.”

“So he’s your boss,” Evan smirks.

“Just try not to say anything stupid,” I sigh before throwing the door open and entering, Evan following behind.

The author's comments:
Thank you very much for all your feedback on Opulence. I was very surprised. I'm writing it as a full length novel, and as many of you have guessed, these are just short scenes. Only a bit of time has passed from the first segment to this one. I hope you enjoy.

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This article has 187 comments.


on Oct. 5 at 5:40 pm
easternredcedar, Lincoln, Nebraska
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Hi AquaGem!
I have a little advice for you:
1. Try to make your descriptions a little more interesting. Use some verbs besides to be verbs. Also try using some low-frequency words in your descriptions. Since they're naturally the least interesting part of the story, people will skip over them if they aren't well written.
2. Don't put so much explanation into how the people are talking during dialogue. For example: "Kate tells Evan politely, while telling him firmly where she draws the line in the sand." Since we just heard what Kate said, you don't need to tell us that she said it like that. All it does is distract from the story.
I would just go over this again and see if you can catch any places where it may need some editing.
Great job so far!

on Jul. 25 2021 at 5:15 am
Crazywolfiegirl2 PLATINUM, Kington, Other
26 articles 3 photos 284 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature—the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter. —Rachel Carson

Wow, this is amazing!

on Dec. 19 2019 at 1:56 pm
Razerblade2019, Hershey, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
i can't wait to read the rest!! this is hooking!!

kitkatmeow06 said...
on Jun. 11 2019 at 8:41 am
kitkatmeow06, Lahore, Other
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Shoot for the moon, if you miss, you'll be with the stars...

this story so juicy that even Thanos couldn't snap it out of the universe... I LOVE IT! KEEP GOING IT'LL BE GREAT! ;D

on Oct. 5 2018 at 1:26 pm
Hermione-Granger BRONZE, Bethel Park, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 198 comments
This is so cool! You have to let us know when you finish the novel! I can't wait for it!

astrosack GOLD said...
on May. 11 2018 at 11:07 am
astrosack GOLD, Ashburn, Virginia
16 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nobody's here for a reason. Make one."

Great story! Very descriptive and I hope to see more like it! Keep up the good work!

DuckLover GOLD said...
on May. 31 2017 at 9:28 am
DuckLover GOLD, Winchester, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be happy, not because everything you see is good, but because you can see the good in everything.

OK! I'm a little disappointed my articles have no comments. ):

DuckLover GOLD said...
on May. 31 2017 at 9:22 am
DuckLover GOLD, Winchester, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be happy, not because everything you see is good, but because you can see the good in everything.

"I'm Joona and I love you so much" Is what your quote is. But you commented in a very...unloving way. I undestand your opinion, but these comments are supposed to be helpful to the author. Maybe put what you thought was bad? That would certainly be more helpful and less useless. Besides, did you read the first part of the story?

DuckLover GOLD said...
on May. 31 2017 at 9:19 am
DuckLover GOLD, Winchester, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be happy, not because everything you see is good, but because you can see the good in everything.

PLEASE PLEASE if this ever gets published in book form, I WANT A COPY! I NEED TO READ THIS STORY!!!!

on Nov. 5 2016 at 8:11 am
gayatrielliot BRONZE, Delhi , Other
1 article 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The autumn leaves are a riot of color. They remind us of the good, colorful things, and their crunch beneath our shoes also bids adieu to all bad things that have long gone,"

It isn't that great, but I think everyone has their own opinions. It's oh-kay.

rakhshi SILVER said...
on Feb. 1 2016 at 4:02 am
rakhshi SILVER, Patna, Other
6 articles 12 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
''NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME''

what it is......

on Mar. 25 2015 at 10:37 pm
JordannaStarr BRONZE, Vancouver, Washington
1 article 1 photo 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life isn't about learning to wait out the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Please elaborate further, I disagree. This is beautifully written and the plot seems very interesting based on this excerpt.

Joona said...
on Dec. 10 2014 at 1:14 pm
Joona, Tirana, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Muvies

it's so bad  

on Feb. 11 2013 at 3:32 pm
BreakAwayFromMe, Big Island, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim." --"Can you Feel My Heart" BMTH

It's just as good as the first one! I really like it! The only thing I have a note of is that part where you put "your's". Is that right? typo? You might want to read it over and fix that if you can. :) All in all, good story.

on Feb. 11 2013 at 3:19 pm
BreakAwayFromMe, Big Island, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim." --"Can you Feel My Heart" BMTH

I know we all have an opinion so yours is always just as valued. But remember you need to explain WHY you didn't like it. sorry if I'm annoying, just thught I'd throw that out there :)

on Jan. 7 2013 at 12:09 am
Hey! I noticed its been a while since you last replied to any of the questions. First off- I would love to see this book published second off- how is your progress with it thus far? Are you even working of it yet? If so, keep on with it! If you want feed back on any new material anytime just tell me and I can email you (I saw that you hadposted your email in some comments) Thanks, happy writing!

NiaraStorm said...
on Jul. 9 2012 at 12:26 pm
NiaraStorm, Greenwood Village, Colorado
0 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.













Edward Abbey

I thought this was great! My only recommendation would be that the main character should be telling Evan most of the stuff she's telling the readers, like when she's explaining the office jobs. You might already be doing this with you're other scenes though. Anyway, great job!

on Jun. 1 2012 at 3:57 pm
Alyssa.N.S. BRONZE, Toledo, Ohio
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments
Just as AMAZING as the first one, and that's hard to beat!!!!!!!

on Jun. 1 2012 at 3:56 pm
Alyssa.N.S. BRONZE, Toledo, Ohio
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments
Just as AMAZING as the first one, and that's hard to beat!!!!!!

bluhs said...
on May. 7 2012 at 7:04 pm
bluhs, E, Alabama
0 articles 0 photos 111 comments
This is a great story. Keep writing!