Shaded Love | Teen Ink

Shaded Love

January 21, 2012
By AnnaBrown SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
AnnaBrown SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
9 articles 1 photo 0 comments

The clock read a little past midnight. I cracked the window open and looked anxiously around to make sure no noise was coming from the house. The house answered me in eerie silence, almost as though it knew what I was about to do, and was preparing to rouse my parents from their deep slumber. I dropped my gangly legs over the window sill and stood on the stacked garbage cans. I looked back at the house, reassured that the lights remained off. I turned and looked into the darkness looming in front of me.
“Hey,” A voice whispered. I jumped down from the cans and wrapped my arms around the figure standing in front of me.
“Are you ready?” My companion and I walked across the damp grass and quietly slipped into the car. We drove for some time, not saying much, each lost in our own confusing thoughts. It isn’t right to hide something this big from your own parents. My conscience told me this wasn’t a good idea, but I had this need to fulfill. Arriving at our destination we got out of the car, and started walking to the end of the pier. The waves crashed against the rocks, seeming angry. They appeared to be saying “No, go home! You shouldn’t be here.” But I ignored them and continued walking.
“Sit.” We sat side by side. It was warm and my bare feet welcomed the water lapping at them. She turned towards me and her face was illuminated by the moon. Her black hair sparkled in the light and her big innocent eyes stared into my own. She leaned closer; I leaned closer, until we were centimeters away from each other’s face. Her lips felt good on mine, and we sat there, just enjoying the moment. My parents were gullible; they thought we were merrily best friends, not girlfriends.
“Are you ready?” Jen asked her soft voice entering my bubble of contentment. It was time to unveil this secret that hovered over our hearts. Together we decided we couldn’t hide it anymore, if we wanted to be a happy couple. But now I wasn’t so sure if I was ready. What if Mom and Dad flip over the idea that their only daughter is a lesbian? Well it’s my life; I should be able to do what I want to with it!
“I don’t know Jen; I just don’t know how they’re going to react!” I looked down ashamed that I was thwarting our plans. I mindlessly twisted strands of my auburn hair while waiting for Jen to reply.
“It’s your life, live it the way you want, without worrying about what others want,” Jen said calmly, but I could hear the disappointment in her voice.
“I know but… it’s just that it seems like they have already planned out the next twenty years of my life for me,” I said with regret.
“Listen, you only live once, be wild, take chances! Just LIVE, for crying out loud.” Jen said this sternly but I could still feel the hope and love as she spoke. I want to make her happy and I want to be happy with her, but I just can’t bring myself to break the news to my traditional parents.
“Do you remember when I told you about their reaction when they heard that New York decided to make same sex marriage legal?” I inquired.
“Yes, your mother cried wondering “What has this world come to?” and your dad started cursing at the news reporters. But these are your parents; they’re going to love you no matter how you decide to live your life. Parents always love their children despite what they choose to do, and if they don’t love their child for making their own decisions in life, well, that’s just sick!” Jen was blazing now. Her heart and my own really wanted this to work.

“You would think,” I muttered under my breath.
“Listen to me! What’s the worst thing you could lose by admitting this to your parents? And if it doesn’t work out now, perhaps later in life their narrow minds will disappear, and they will accept you!” Jen and I had this odd but perfect friendship. She was my spunky fighter and had no problem speaking her mind. Though it got her in trouble, it also helped me break out of my secluded shell. She encouraged me to take small steps toward what I had yearned for. I knew she was often right and that’s why I had faith in her and thought I should give it a try. I hoped this pattern wouldn’t change now that I was taking a risk and revealing my immense secret to my parents. Really what’s the worst thing that could happen? Suck it up and just stop being a scaredy cat, my conscience yelled. I wanted to give a try so I said to Jen, while masking my uncertainty,
“Yes I am ready.” The grin on her face conquered any lasting fear, and my confidence rose as we kissed again. I know I will tell them, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps a week from tomorrow.

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