Do you love me? | Teen Ink

Do you love me?

June 24, 2010
By OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch


“I love you.” he states over the phone, his rich angel’s voice hesitant and tender. He can make it sound like anything.

Oh, you love me now? You shouted at me, called me an idiot, a b****. That was love? When you left me waiting in that fancy dress that I’d bought all for you, at that expensive restaurant I’d had to spend a fortune in gas on to reach—left me waiting there pathetically all night while you cavorted around with some other woman. You call that love? I confronted you—you struck me. I can still feel the flash of pain across my face though it is days later. So this is your idea of love.

“Do you love me?” he whispers brokenly. Did he just ask me that? Did that son of a b**** just ask me that? After all he’s done, he has the nerve to ask me if I love him. I have the nerve to consider the question. My once-dreamy hazel eyes gaze through curling lashes at sights only I can see.

You, holding me in your strong, secure arms. Running your fingers through my dark, curly brown hair. Stroking my prominent, milky-white cheekbone. Whispering sweet secrets in my ear. Kissing my full red lips so gently and emotionally that my head swam for days. Do I love you?

“Yes,” I said dully. “Yes I do.” Wonderful. Did I really have to say that? Now he’ll think I’ve forgiven him.

“Will you give me another chance?” he asks, full of apprehension. Give him another chance? Another chance to carefully mend my heart, only to rip it to shreds? He must be joking.

But who am I fooling? I know the monster that beautiful exterior conceals. I know the infidelity, the lies, the cruelty. And I love him. I love him, I miss him, I want to be with him.

I’ve always prided myself on being a sensible girl. Intelligent, logical, always making the right choice. Right now, my heart and mind were grappling for the right to make this oh-so-important choice. They fought as viciously as a pair of wild dogs, but in the end, I proved myself correct. The mind won out. Self-preservation won out. Love lost.

“No,” I say curtly, and slam the phone down definitively, only to slowly slide down the wall until my head rests in my lap, salty drops splashing onto my crossed legs, sobs echoing throughout the desolate building. I made the right choice. I know I did. Then why does it hurt so much?


The author's comments:
I don't write a lot of short stories, but I love Taylor Swift songs, and one of my favorite ones inspired me. Guess which.

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This article has 93 comments.


on Aug. 13 2010 at 9:42 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you! I don't hate you, I love that you gave constructive criticism.

on Aug. 13 2010 at 9:33 pm
squidzinkpen SILVER, Buffalo, New York
9 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet"- Irish Proverb

Please don't hate me after this!

I like how you've written about such a popular topic. It's relateable and makes sense in this crazy and confusing universe we've got. There's a lot of power and passion in your writing, and I applaud you for that!

Now, the tough part. I feel bad about saying this, because I know I've got the same problem, and that's over describing. Cut the fat man. Don't describe everything, just let some of it be. It doesn't downplay your writing at all, just makes it easier to read. In the first/ second (depends on how you look at it) paragraph, it might've had a lot more effect if you had broken up that really, really long sentence with periods instead of commas and the hyphen.

At any rate, I really did enjoy this piece! I hope you don't feel bad about what I've said, I really mean all the best, and I want to help writers as much as I can. You are a writer man! You are a writer! This was powerful and relateable, keep going with that spirit in everything you write!


on Aug. 11 2010 at 3:09 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

You got it.  Thanks:D

on Aug. 10 2010 at 9:22 pm
weebnini DIAMOND, San Diego, California
55 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Done & Over"

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"People should be able to say how they feel. How they really feel. Not, you know, some words that some strangers put in their mouth."

white horse:) haha, nice. its so deep and she's a girl so in touch w/ her feelings i<3 this:)

on Aug. 7 2010 at 8:52 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! Yeah, it wasn't really a happy story.

on Aug. 6 2010 at 1:57 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Wow, this is great! You truly convey the emotions of this girl, the story is so realistic, and sad.

on Aug. 3 2010 at 9:21 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Yep. You gots it. :DDD

on Aug. 3 2010 at 9:10 am

your interpretation of white horse correct?

 


on Aug. 2 2010 at 9:48 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you! :D

on Aug. 2 2010 at 9:47 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D

on Aug. 2 2010 at 9:44 pm
Drizzle29 SILVER, Norwalk, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

wow, that made my heart break a little. that was terrific! the heartbreaking is a good thing :) . this was amazing, i love the way you write too! just an amazing job all around.

on Aug. 2 2010 at 6:04 pm
ithinkijustflew BRONZE, Dreamland, Other
4 articles 1 photo 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Is. 43:2; When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.

Wow, really deep! I was hooked after the first sentence. It's that kind of writing I respect. Really well done :)

on Aug. 1 2010 at 8:47 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks:D   

on Aug. 1 2010 at 2:14 am
Nevermore SILVER, Houston, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Hey, I liked this piece. It was interesting, and I like how it was inspired from a song. The tension drives the piece. Great work!

on Jul. 30 2010 at 6:18 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks!  Actually, I was thinking of writing a sequel where she's pretty torn up and wondering if she made the right choice.  The end of it just sort of came to me...it's kinda cool.

iMonica BRONZE said...
on Jul. 30 2010 at 6:10 pm
iMonica BRONZE, Lincoln, California
4 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to...only to be broken." ~ Adolf Hitler
"Shh...People will say we're in love." ~ Hannibal Lecter

A phenomenal short story.

The only reason I rated it a 4 was because I had longed to see it in a more lengthy, more full version. I suggest adding a dramatic backstory and perhaps a "one year down the road" sequel.

I think it'd be fantastic.


on Jul. 27 2010 at 9:10 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you so much! And lol, I don't mind the comment.  I'm glad that you like it.  I tried to make this as emotional and realistic as possible, and to show how much making the right choice hurts.

xkristinx GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 8:56 pm
xkristinx GOLD, Fairfield, Connecticut
15 articles 0 photos 9 comments
I know, i know, the last thing you want is another comment on how good this piece is. but its true. its amazing in every way. i could totally connect with the way your charecter was feeling. ive had simmiler experinces where you feel like youve made the right choice but it hurts so that you second guess yourself. i think this is amazing. and apperently so does everyone else. it totally made me feel everything you were feeling. never stop writing.<33

on Jul. 27 2010 at 6:43 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you!  I'm glad you liked it.

on Jul. 27 2010 at 6:33 pm
amandap PLATINUM, Midlothian, Virginia
31 articles 0 photos 183 comments
this is so rich with emotion!!!!!!!!!!! such a wonderfully spun story that we can all relate to in our own ways! I loved the ending, the way she sacraficed what she wanted for what she knew would be best for her, its a beautiful piece that relates a story that some people would know time and time over into words on a paper to keep us all engrossed!