“Be careful he might have forgotten about you.” 

Jessica was laughing so I laughed too, but a pit in my stomach started to grow. I went to find the stairs. I had never been to this house before, so I was unsure of where I was going. I walked up to the third floor and opened what I thought was the bathroom, it was not. It was my boyfriend and Jessica. Jessica had told me to go look for him and not to be worried and my best friend is with my boyfriend. I stood there with no emotion, I felt as if I had been electrocuted. I didn’t know whether to curse Marcus out, yell at Jessica, slam the door, or cry. Instead I pulled myself together and said goodbye to Marcus, I shut the door, re opened it and told them to have fun. 

It was senior year Halloweekend. I wasn’t a big partier, but when you’re the cheer captain and you're dating the biggest football player you're obligated to go. Marcus got invited to the senior party, so I went with him. He wanted us to do a costume together so we did, he was a cop and I was a prisoner. When we got to the party I knew a few people through Marcus, but I saw a few girls from my cheerleading team and Jessica so I went over. Jessica was looking through the party trying to scope out who she knew and who she wanted to talk to. Marcus told me he’d be right back; he just had to use the bathroom. If I was to go back in time and follow him to the bathroom I would, but I told him to go. I really did trust him, even though I had so many people doubting me. I was told constantly he was a cheater and a liar. He didn’t have the best reputation for past relationships. I would have girls coming up to me asking what I’m doing with my life. I tried to tune out everyone, but when I’m being told the guy I’m dating is a horrible person and he doesn’t want anything to do with me it’s hard. Marcus was known for being a cheater, but we believed in making it work. An hour went by and Marcus hadn't come back so I started getting worried. I told Jessica, my closest friend on my team, I was going to look for him. We had been on the team together for four years and I knew she had my back. She was one of the only people who wanted Marcus and I to work out.

Marcus was my boyfriend of two years. I was told by the football team and all my friends not to go for Marcus. He was the definition of a boy a girl shouldn’t date. Marcus was very attractive though, big brown eyes, fluffy brown hair, and smelled of flowers. Not to mention a very good football player. He had scholarships coming at him left and right.

A lot of people don’t know how Marcus and I met. It was sophomore year biology class. I had a pretty rowdy class, all the football players and class clowns were in my class. My teacher would constantly get frustrated with the level of talking. Around October she decided to make a seating chart and of course I was sat next to Marcus. I was very happy, he was attractive, but so annoying. Marcus wouldn’t stop talking to his friends or asking me for the answers. Then he started off with small talk since he knew I was the cheer captain, but by the end of November we started going out. One day after class he waited for me as he started doing early November and he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with him. It was a big deal since almost every girl in my grade wanted Marcus, but I won him over. I said yes and then we made it official that night. We even had a song that we’d call our song. On our first date we were driving home on a dark windy road when “Young and Beautiful” by Lana Del Rey came on. It described our relationship perfectly, we were young and in love. That instantly became our song. We were going so strong for two years until October hit. 

October was my favorite month due to cheer and football games. I started cheering my freshman year. When I joined the team I didn’t know anyone, but I started to become friendly with a girl named Jessica. We started hanging out before practices since we were the only two freshmen. Sophomore year we both decided to return to this team, but this year we were really close. We were always hanging out on the weekends and on the bus to the away games we always sat together. Junior year she was my best friend and we were so excited to go into senior year together. Jessica and I were the best friends that when someone saw one of us they wondered where the other was. When our coach announced that Jessica and I were going to be cheer captains we were so glad to be doing it together.

Jessica was someone who I called family and to see her do such a thing with the person I loved killed me inside. I walked out of that house and made sure no one was around and I cried. It was such a cowardly thing to do looking back, but I was so hurt. I couldn’t say I didn’t see it coming, but I did. I got up, wiped my tears and called an uber. Marcus and I had planned to go to the same college, University of Michigan. I pulled out my acceptance and decided to take a gap year, which turned into me not going to college. I didn’t want to see that jerk's face ever again. I know I should partially blame Jessica and be upset with her too, but I was the most hurt with Marcus, because I gave him everything for the past two years and got nothing in return. When everyone went off to college I moved out and went to the city. I needed to get away. 

For the past two years I've been stuck in my apartment in misery not sure what to do with myself. It’s hard to pull yourself together after two years of your life were devoted to someone you loved. It was clear he didn’t care about me either. I expected a call, a text, an apology to say the least, but all I got was silence. Jessica on the other hand sent me thousands of texts for me to call her back, but I refused to answer a single one. I got a notification on my phone from Instagram last month and that really put me over the edge. I went to the block button and did something I should have done a year ago. I blocked Jessica so she couldn't contact me. Jessica and Marucs were now dating, but as time went on I realized he was going to do the same thing he did to me so I didn’t care. 

It was ten thirty in the morning, my hair was in a messy bun and I was in the same sweat outfit I’d been in practically the whole month, but there was a faint knocking on my door. I opened it to a girl around my age in all pink with a huge smile painted across her face, she was holding a box of brownies.

 “Hi! Wow, um, I’m Marcy! I live next to you, I assumed three months ago when you moved here you would come and say hi, but now I know why. Yikes, it smells like eggs you do not have like an air freshener. Sorry that was rude, I’m really bad with keeping my inner thoughts inner thoughts!” 

I was confused why she was at a loss for words when she opened the door, so I turned around. My garbage was overflowing and hadn't been taken out in months, dishes were all over the place, and the house smelled like eggs. It didn’t bother me though and no one has come over, so it wasn’t a bad thing to me.

“Thanks, I’m Charlotte, but most people call me Char. Sorry I haven’t been myself, so the place is a mess. It’s nice to meet you.” 

I realized I haven’t been outside my apartment or spoken to anyone since I moved in. It was as if my apartment door was a shield guarding me from the outside world.

 “Of course! Here’s some homemade brownies, if you need anything love I’m right over in 113!” 

She shut the door and left. Meeting Marcy made me think back to how close I was with Jess. I sat on my white couch covered in cheeto dust and turned on Gilmore Girls. I opened the brownies and began to cry. When I had Marcus my left felt so put together, but it only made me realize how broken we were. 

It was six pm and I went to put my frozen pizza in the oven when I saw Marcy through the window. She was wearing these huge bulky headphones with a mop dancing while cleaning. A few moments later a girl walked into her apartment and she greeted her with a huge hug. Marcy was having so much fun, and all I wanted was to be like her. She always had this huge smile painted across her face even when she was alone. This was my routine for the next few weeks. I would wake up and just sit in front of my window and watch Marcy. She would have so much fun on her own. Marcy made herself enjoy cleaning, eating, even watching tv, and she had so many guests over. It was already October and I realized three years was coming up. I wasn’t going to put myself through this again. 

Watching Marcy living her life to the fullest was making me want to turn my life around. I told myself Marcus isn’t taking another year out of me. Marcy was always wearing these big bulky headphones whenever doing something, so I ordered myself a pair. I downloaded a bunch of songs that I enjoyed and I connected the headphones. It was like magic, now I know why she’s so happy it’s like a concert in your ears. I figured I’ve wasted two years of my life in this apartment. I’m turning twenty in six months, it's a new decade and I was going to make the best of it. 

I went to bed that night feeling different. I woke up around six the next morning. I lived in a studio apartment, so there wasn’t a huge space, but I had a lot to get done. I opened my blinds and saw Marcy waving to me through the window. I waved back and realized I overlooked a beautiful skyline. For the first time in two years I really took something in. It was beautiful, the tall buildings reaching to the sky. The tops of the buildings were so sharp and looked like they could cut a cloud in half. The sky looked like swirled cotton candy, a true masterpiece. I smiled looking out at the beautiful view I was too selfish to take in.

 I started with my kitchen. I went through my whole fridge and took out all the gross and expired food and put it in a trash bag. I took the six bags of trash on my kitchen floor out and went to the garbage chute. I had fun sliding each bag down watching as a loud thud sound hit the bottom. I went back to my apartment and started on my dishes. I washed all my dishes and turned my dishwasher on for the first time. I could already smell the lavender scented dish soap working as it filled my apartment. I reached under the sink for windex and I cleaned all my countertops and fridge. I got all the old cakey and sticky substances off my kitchen counters. I stepped back and took a breath of relief. It would take me a while to clean, but it was more than cleaning. Getting myself back together felt so much better than moping around the past two years. I let someone who didn’t even care about me have control of me when we weren't even together. This felt like a sense of healthy revenge.

 I went to my bathroom next. I cleaned my sink, rearranged the underneath, cleaned my shower, and the toilet. My bathroom smelled like mold and now it smells like flowers. The scent started to make me miss Marcus, but at the same time I started to feel myself let go of all the tension I had. I wiped the floor down and you could see the shine from a mile away. Then I went to my living room. I stripped the couch clean of the top cover that was disgusting and gross and threw it in my laundry closet. Then I wiped my window sills down and the little table I had from my mom. It made me regret leaving and I was starting to miss my family. I decided to make time over the next few weeks to see them. 

Then I went to my room, the monster. I swear I could see eyes glaring at me and a huge mouth ready to attack me, but I went in head first ready to tackle this. I started with my bed, I stripped the sheets off and grabbed my pile of laundry that was like an overflowing faucet. I took all the laundry I had and started the first load of what felt like a thousand were to come. Then I dusted the tops of all my closets and bedframe, and vacuum all the food up off my carpet. I was never eating in here again. 

Twelve hours later my apartment was a completely different place, you would've never guessed the old Charlotte was in here. I just put the swiffer away in my closet and I was about to go out to get groceries, when I had an idea. I was going to invite Marcy over to hangout and have dinner with me, show her who I really am. A fresh start. 

 I put away my cleaning supplies and jumped in the shower. I was washing away the old version of myself and I couldn’t be happier. I was listening to Taylor Swift and finished curling my hair and doing my makeup. It felt nice to be put together. A huge crash from inside my house startled me. I started panicking. The echo of glass shattering surrounded me. I ran to the corner of my bathroom holding my phone close in my shaky hand. I heard music coming from my living room, I didn’t leave the TV on. I heard footsteps and quickly locked the door. Lana Del Rey started filling the silence through my living room. It wasn’t just Lana Del Rey, it was “Young and Beautiful.” Marcus. My mind was racing as it had been a race car making laps of everything that I had feared. I walked out of the bathroom, and Marcus was sitting on my couch. Glass was shattered all over my living room floor, it looked like a crime scene. My whole body tensed up ready for a fight.

“Hi, babe, do you like the song? I put it on just for you.”

“Marcus what are you doing here?”

 “I’m so sorry I haven’t called you in a year or talked to you.”

“I can’t do this. I made it pretty clear I don’t want to be around you.”

“I missed you so much my love.”

The way he called me his love, it was like my heart was on a string and it was being pulled to him. Even though we didn’t end the way we should have, I felt a sense of forgiveness for him. 

He reached his hand out to pull me closer to him. I took his hand double the size of mine as he pulled me to sit next to him. 

“What I did senior year wasn’t okay and I wanted to apologize. I was young and drunk and Jessica was pretty. You can’t blame me. We’re turning twenty and we can get married and turn our lives around. You look beautiful babe, can you please take me back?”

“Oh, Marcus. Don’t you think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. If we’re going to make anything work it has to be small steps. You can’t just ignore me for a year and completely destroy my life and then walk in like nothing happened. What happened that night was completely not okay and I didn’t even get an apology.”

“I’m sorry baby, Jessica was so pretty though, but we broke up. I'm a free man and this free man wants his old girl back.”

I couldn’t resist Marcus. Even though what he had done was so wrong, he was magnetic and I was his magenet being drawn back to him. I saw a future ahead, but then I had just gotten myself together and was changing for the better, why was he here? 

“Why are you here and who let you in?”

 “Marcy is my cousin, she told me she had a new neighbor Charlotte and I knew it was you. I had to come by to make amends and get you back where you belong. You’ll love Michagan and I even thought about getting an apartment we can live in together. Please Char I changed.”

I opened my mouth to answer as Marucs reached for my hands.

“Marcus if we’re going to make this work I’m going to need everything from you.”

“Of course, love whatever you want. I should have never done anything with Jess and I am so sorry. I love you so much and I will do anything.”

Marcus stood up and increased the volume of the song. He took my hands and we started slow dancing like the old days when I would go over to his house. I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming, but everything was perfect. I was on cloud 9, but out of the corner of my eye I saw my blinds were closed. 

“Why are my blinds closed?”

“I didn’t want the sun in your eyes.”

“Marcus it’s seven pm and I like them open. I’m opening them.”

“No, don’t please, can we just talk before you open them? I need to explain to you-.”

I opened my blinds and saw my window shattered. Why would he want to break into my house? Then I saw Marcy. She was sitting on her couch all majestic looking. Her legs were crossed like a sawn as she sipped lightly on her coffee. Marcy got up to check on some food and I saw her giant smile painted across her face. Oh my god I thought to myself. What am I doing? Seeing Marcy happy alone made me realize I don’t need anyone to make me happy. I’m only going to be happy if I make myself happy. What am I doing with Marucs? Why am I letting him have a second chance? I don’t want to go through what I had just been through. I wasn’t letting Marcus have any other part of me, he’d taken enough and it was time I put myself first. I pushed Marcus to the side and opened my laptop. I had a dream of going to NYU to become an accountant. I opened my laptop and filled out an application. I might be turning twenty, but I wasn’t going to keep putting my life on pause forever. 

“Marcus, I need you to get out right now.”

“I’m sorry, what.”

“Marcus. I don’t want you here.”

“What just happened? I thought we were good? Jeez if this has to do with what happened on Halloween you don’t have to make it look like what I did was so bad.”

I glared at him.

“Fine, if you don’t want me back I have girls all over me at college.”

“Marcus. Leave me alone.”

That was it, the last time I saw Marcus, he just stood up and left. I finally had authority over him.