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My Summer Boy
Dear Diary: My Summer Boy
Wednesday 6/9 2:10 pm
I had an eventful morning. I was standing at the library window, watching him from the third floor as he grabbed the mail from the small mailbox on the side of the road. He looked up the street as if someone was coming. I looked too but it was probably just a squirrel. The bright summer sun made him squint. His blond flowy hair sat perfectly on his head, not a single strand out of place. Something about his pink bathing suit shorts and tall, thin frame is attractive to me. He’s pale, but his cheeks are red. They are always red at the start of summer.
I contemplated yelling from my balcony to say hi, but I could tell he just woke up, his hair is messy and it was only nine in the morning. He arrived yesterday, I figured I should give him time to settle in. I don’t want to be too annoying. As walked back, he suddenly looked to his left at the window I was standing in and decided to duck. I pressed my back against the wall and shut my eyes tight, hoping he did not see me staring at him. I sat there until I was sure he’s gone. I slowly peeked through the window and he went inside. Maybe one day I’ll make a move, but today’s not that day. Though I’ve always wondered what his name is.
Thursday 6/10 11:50 pm
The reading nook I sit in has a perfect view of the side of his grandparents house. The vibrant pillows my grandma has decorated this place in the library makes it my favorite. Grandma put up black out curtains in the window because she did not want to see their house. She always talks about how she wishes she had better neighbors. She always rolls her eyes when I talk about the boy next door, I’m guessing there's drama between our grandparents. Last night I could not sleep so I sat in my favorite window in the library and watched the sun rise. I hope to talk to him one day this summer. Mom says I need to get myself out there a little more. I know that he comes the same week I show up, just a few days later. We leave the week before school starts. This summer I came early, the days felt long until he got here on Tuesday. I just turned seventeen and I am ready to be brave this summer. The good girl my parents have always wanted me to be is gone, because they are at home, three hours away. Though my mom does not want me to know it, I know she sent me here to deal with the messy divorce she and my dad are going through. She probably thinks grandma and grandpas big beach house will cheer me up for the summer. My parents have tossed me around and I am ready to make my own decisions.
Friday 6/11 6:35 pm
Today I decided to go fishing off the small dock off the beach that is between our houses. His family’s house is much bigger than mine, meaning they have their own dock. Grandpa set up my lure and reminded me of the technique he’s worked hard to teach me over the years. I love having no responsibilities or worries, it was just me and grandpa at the end of the dock, fishing together. Coming from the direction of the boy’s house, I heard a door close. And of course. It’s him. It made me want to jump in the ocean off the dock and hide forever. He had a fishing pole in his left hand and a small tackle box in the other. I pretended to be busy as grandpa fixed my tangled line. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him walk his way down his dock. I looked away in case he decides to look in my direction again. We ended up both looking at each other at the same time! He smiled, I smiled and he waved. I waved back. His smile was sweet, gentle. Tomorrow I’ll be bold.
Saturday 6/12 9:30 pm
It happened! I finally had a conversation with him today! The sun was setting. I decided to watch the sunset on the dock. The sky was so colorful tonight. I heard the back door to his house close and ignore it. I wasn’t sure if it was him. After a few moments of shallow breathing, I heard his voice. “Hi, can I join you?” I looked over my shoulder and there he was. He was wearing a black sweatshirt and gray jeans. I said, “of course!” With a smile. He walked up and sat next to me at the end of the dock. Our feet almost touched the water because the tide was high. My heart was beating fast, it's just now calming down.
We talked about how good the weather was, and how pretty the sun set looked. He asked for my number so we could text. He always looked me in the eyes. Our conversation felt like two seconds, even though we sat there until there were stars in the sky. We lay on the dock looking at the stars. I swore he could hear my heart beat. I definitely could. I felt like I’d known him forever. He made me feel less alone in my family's problems. He said he had seen me before dancing in my room. The windows to our rooms lineup, I guess I did not think about that when I was frolicking around my room. How embarrassing. But we laughed at me together, it's okay.
We planned on seeing each other again tomorrow. I cannot wait.
Sunday 6/13 12:35 am
Today was the worst day ever. Kinda. I’ll explain. I went downstairs to tell grandpa I was going to go into town to get lunch with the boy next door. He frowned and said “No you’re not.” To which I questioned him, “What do you mean? Why not?” He said “that boy is not good for you. He does not come from a good family.” I rolled my eyes. “Did you just roll your eyes missy?” “No.” I said. He gave me a stern look. “What do you mean he does not come from a good family? He has been so sweet to me.” “Because I said so. His grandparents are greedy, nasty people.” he border-line shouted at me. Then we had this whole argument about the boy next door. Little did I know, his grandparents have something against my grandparents. For years, they have fought about whatever it is that grandparents fight about. Grandpa said it had something to do with the land and what parts they own and what they can do with it. I pushed grandma further to see if I could get more information but she told me to drop it because there was nothing I could do to change it. It became a verbal fight between grandpa and I. I started crying because this boy was the only light in my life. For months, my life has been falling apart at home. I was ready to get here and start over. To start with something, or someone, new. I ran upstairs and cried on the third floor library. I texted him and he understood.
The rest of my day was horrible. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to see him again. Until. Around 10 pm he texted me and told me to look out my bedroom window. He was standing in his room, looking at me. He called and asked me if my grandparents had gone to sleep. They had. He asked me to meet him on his dock. I snuck downstairs and went to his dock. He was already there, waiting for me. When I walked up, he smiled and reached out his hand. I took it, not knowing what he was doing. He pulled me towards him, then slid his arm around my waist. He held my other hand up with his and before I knew it, I was dancing on his dock, with the boy who lives next door. The same boy I’ve watched for the past four years every summer. He held me firm but with a gentle touch, an innocent one. He asked me if everything he was doing was okay. It was, it was better than okay. I loved it, every second of it.
I carefully snuck back inside and up to my room. Which brings me to where I am now. Writing to future me. I am upset that we are unable to openly be with each other, but I am willing to sneak around for him. For us.
Wednesday 6/23 5:25
It has been a few weeks since I’ve written. Here’s an update. We have had to avoid my grandparents. I often tell them I am going into town to meet a friend and just meet him there. We have gotten to know each other very well and he is now my best friend. I used to be my own best friend during these lonely summers, but now it is him. My mom called me a couple days ago. It was not good to hear from her. She immediately started complaining about my dad and how awful he is. She’s actually the awful one. He was my only best friend for a while. He always cared for me. And I know he still does. I tried to talk to her about the drama between the grandparents and she said that they do not think that boy is good for me. How do they know what is best for me? I am sure that I can decide that on my own. His grandparents seem like sweet people, I have even had dinner with them. I don’t see the issue.
That day was tough to get though. I couldn’t see my boy either. He was on a two day fishing trip with his grandparents. Though I know he’ll be back soon.
Friday 8/2 12:40 am
Summer is over. Everything that happened felt like a dream. It was the best summer I’ve ever had. I am not ready to return to my unhappy parents. I hope they have worked things out by now. I don’t want to deal with their issues as well as mine. It’s not like it's my fault they fell out of love. Too bad I fell into it once they fell out. I don’t want to leave this bliss and go home to whatever emotional mess my mom has left for me.
I snuck out to go on a walk with my boy tonight. We talked about what will happen when we both go back to school, hours away from each other. We decided it’s best to stay in touch, but not together the way we were all summer. It hurt like hell. After everything we had, it was gone all because time passed. Now it's only in our memory. The next few days will be rough for both of us. I’ve cried a lot, with him and alone. I’ve never felt ripped apart like this until now.
Saturday 8/3 11:50
Tonight I went to lay on the dock to watch the stars as one last goodbye. I leave tomorrow. I will definitely miss this place. And him of course. The dock was hard and cold, but familiar. It's silent, all I heard was the small waves crashing against the dock. My hands were under my head. I’ve been there many nights before, only not alone. After dozing off, I sat up. Disoriented, I moved to the edge of the dock to watch the quiet and minimal waves. I felt at ease knowing I had a fantastic summer, even if it didn’t end the way I wanted it too. I fell in love with the boy I’d seen all those summers before. He will always be with me, in my heart, forever. There was something special that happened between us this summer. I feel changed in many ways.
I stared at the dark water and looked back at my grandparents house. The lights were off and the house looked asleep, still and silent. Something caught my eye as I turned back to look at the water. It’s him. He was staring at the water too. I wondered if he was thinking about the summer the way I was. I watched his legs swing off the end of his own dock, I wished I was next to him. He looked into his hands in his lap and seemed upset. I hated seeing both of us hurting. He suddenly looked at me, as if he knew I was looking at him. The lights on the edge of our docks gave us enough light to see the expression on each other's faces. He gave me the same smile he first gave me, only sadder. I felt that there was a difference in emotion between us. I felt empty, but content. He looked content, but I knew he was empty.