Bystanders | Teen Ink

Bystanders

June 14, 2021
By Anonymous

At home (her): 

Each and every night Riley looks at her phone and waits… Every time her phone lights up she reads the name, It's not his. She waits for a response. The anticipation kills like stinging goosebumps. She constantly looks at the clock and watches the time tick by. Each and every minute she feels unimportant and irrelevant. He doesn't think about her as she thinks about him. Riley wonders what he is doing and plans out conversations that they’ll have. She imagines his response but doesn't receive the same energy. Recently he has started to ignore her. Riley lays in bed and thinks about how to act around him and how to look at him. She wonders if she is good enough, if she is, she doesn't feel like it. She gives and gives but never receives. She takes out her notebook and writes about him. She writes:

 


I was falling for you, I'm still falling.

Except every time my face hits the ground 

I scrape it off

“You didn't mean it”

“You didn't know”

I make excuses when I shouldn't have to

 I give too much and gain so little

All I need… all I want is reassurance 

But instead, I got ignored

I let myself go and you let it pass by you

Like it was trash

Like it meant nothing.

I put a smile on my face

Not for me,

But for you.

I tried to be the person you need,

But you never returned the favor

I need to move on 

But you broke me and I can't be fixed.

     There is and never was a fairytale ending to Humpty dumpty.

At home (him): 

James lies in his bed and thinks about her. Her bright green eyes are so enduringly beautiful that they stay in his head all day. And her smile, don't even get him started. You always hear him talking about it. How it “glistens” and how he gets butterflies. To be completely honest his friends get annoyed hearing about it. He sees his phone light up but doesn't respond right away. He is afraid to seem like a “simp” or like he is needy. He waits 20, 40, 1 hour, 2. Soon the notification gets lost in the swarm. James forgets about her response and starts to get busy. James doesn't understand how much this affects her and how she truly feels inside. 

 

At school (him): 

James is in the same study hall as her. She knows what she is doing. Every day she turns around and looks at him. Of course, James pretends he's not paying attention when in reality the feeling in his stomach makes his body float. When the bell rings she finds her friends, leaving him staring into the abyss. As James goes to pick up his bag he notices a piece of paper she must have dropped. He thinks about this being a perfect excuse to talk to her. He picks up the paper and puts it into his bag to read later. 


At home (her):

Getting home Riley realizes that her poem is gone. The one she wrote about the boy she had a crush on, the boy who she was mad at. She took the note to school to show it to her friends. In hindsight that was a terrible idea. Riley sits in bed hoping that the poem didn't get into the wrong hands. She hopes it never gets to him. 


At home (him): 

As James reads the poem as tears form in his eyes. What he is feeling is unexplainable. He had no idea she felt this way. He is breaking on the inside. He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to say. He decided to write her a poem back: 

 


I feel for you

I wanted you too 

I just didn't know how 

I'm stupid 

I'm so so stupid

You told me to leave and I listened

I thought you were okay

I thought you didn't want me

But I know you 

I know who you are 

Your smile lit up the room like a million stars

I didn't want you to do that for me

I didn't know you needed me

You should have told me 

You should have asked for help 

You should have let me help

No more hiding 

No more mask 

If only you had told me 

I would have been there

If only I had known

I'm not a king's horse or a king’s man 

We are so much more than that

There is something here

Just don't let go

stay

 

 


At school (him): 

James sits in study hall, hesitant. He doesn't know whether he should place the note into her bag or not. As Riley gets up to go to the bathroom, James decides to place his note into her bag. It is what she needs to hear and what he wants her to hear. 


At school (her):
He left Riley a note as she read it, she was confused but also overjoyed. How could he be so clueless? She was so so obvious. He never made it clear. Riley decided to talk to him. No more childish games. She wants real things to happen and she hopes he does too. 


The author's comments:

I am a Freshmen in high school. 


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