“Whoa” I said to myself. First day of kinder garden. First day at Freedom School Elementary. First day of starting school for a very long time. I didn’t know how much years it would take for me to finish school as a kinder gardener but I knew it was a lot of years to go. I’m the type of person who doesn’t get shy or nervous so I knew I was going to be just fine.

As I entered my kinder garden class for the first time I saw a very cute boy who I wanted to know. He was sitting down with his group of people he seemed to know. His name was Xavier Ramirez. What really stood out to me the most about him were his spiky hair and his adorable smile. His movement caught my attention. I never felt this before. It was a very strange feeling I couldn’t describe, so I kept what I felt about him to myself.

Growing up I was always a tough little girl due to the fact that I would always play with 3 of my boy cousins, Alex, Angel, Desmond and My older brother Jason because my grandmother would always take care of us. Even outside of my grandmother’s house I would always play with boys. Our first recess was interesting because all the boys were playing away from the girls. As I approach Xavier and his group of friends Robert, Johnny and Brandon. “Hi. My name is Kristen and I don’t like to play with girls so can I play with you guys?” I said confidently. It took them a while to respond as all 4 of them starred at me with confusion. “Just because you play with other boys doesn’t mean you can play with every boy”. Xavier said with a tough look on his face as he seemed to try look tough in front of his friends. Angrily I quickly then kicked Xavier on his ankle which made him fall over slightly. I ran in the classroom, crying with disappointment. It made me feel as if the only thing he cared about was looking like a bad ass in front of his friends.

From then on, I started bullying anyone who hurt my feelings but soon on it became a habit. I guess I wanted people to feel the pain I felt. I then became a very violent bully. I punched a boy in my class named Jesse in the throat. He dropped to the floor gasping for air. “Uh oh” I said to myself in my head. At that moment I began to get scared but luckily he was able to catch his breath. He was a chunky happy kid who always had a smile on his face. I punched him because he told my teacher, Ms. Childers, that i was bullying students. It pissed me off that he rated me out.

Ms. Childers saw the incident of me punching Jesse in the throat and she rushed over and was worried about him. Jesse was fine. He seemed to be scared of me after that. Ms. Childers pulled me aside on a time out and called my parents because she realized it was getting out of hand. “Why are you violently bullying students?” Ms. Childers curiously asks me. “Because...because Robert, Johnny, Brandon and Xavier would let me play with them so I wanted to prove to them that I can be as tough as them.” As I explained to Ms. Childers why I was bullying students she said to me. “Treat others how you would want to be treated.”

I soon then realized bullying wasn’t okay because through communication, people can understand how I feel instead of acting out with violence. My parents arrived at the school to pick me up because I still had to be disciplined for what I did. I understood the circumstances and accepted a one day suspension. My parents were really upset with me but I clarified that I learned my lesson and I didn’t want to put fear in people because I knew how it felt. “I’m sorry mom and dad. I didn’t know I would hurt someone this bad. Ms. Childers and I already talked about it and I promise I will never be a bully to anyone again”.

When I returned to school I apologized to Jesse and he accepted my apology and we became friends up until this day. We look back at it and realize it was just my way of coping with my pain. As of today, I try to be the nicest I can possibly be, giving compassion towards my fellow classmates, teachers, parents, family and most importantly myself. Bye Bye bullying. I am done with you forever, I’m better than that and I love myself for who I am as a person now.