His fist whooshed by her face, barely missing, and cracked the dry wall next to her.
“I told you woman, I was out workin’!” She noticed his lip tremble. His lip always trembled when he was lying.
“You dirty, lyin’ sack of s***! You think I don’t notice that purple glitter allover you? That’s the glitter of a whore and I aint gonna waste no time listening to them lies!” Blood rioted behind his now crimson cheeks, provoked slightly by embarrassment, but mostly by anger. He knew she was right, but how dare some woman question him. His fist came down hard, this time going nowhere but her left eye. She doubled over in pain as he grabbed her hair and slammed her into the wall.
“God damn it Eva Marie! I don’t know why you make me do this time and time again! It’s like you never learn!” She knew he was right, she didn’t learn, in fact usually she didn’t care, and she felt like she needed Josh, ever since he took her in when she was homeless. But this time, things were different. As she wiped away the blood pouring from her nose, rage like fire freshly accompanied by gasoline roared inside of her. She stood up, and as he turned to hit her back down, she grabbed the wine filled glass and splashed the cheap merlot in his already red face. It didn’t take him long to snap out of his trance after being hit, but it was long enough for her to get out the front door and slam it behind her. The apartment hallway was a fresh breath of air from the smell of stale cigarettes and the ghosts that clung in her building. She had no time to stop and enjoy it, she could already hear the door opening and she knew some sort of payback was on its way. A plate flew past her and crashed to the floor. She ran and ran unsure of where she was going, all she knew is that he would stop chasing her soon enough.
“YOU’LL BE BACK,” he called after her. She knew that meant he was done chasing her, but she wasn’t done running away. She was running from it all; everything from losing her mom to cancer had when she was eight, the pregnancy at fifteen and the abortion not long after, from her dads disowning, from the boyfriend that dumped her time after time, all the way to the rape, and the drugs, and all of the pain. She didn’t know where she was going to go, but she didn’t care. If anything, she was running straight to her death.
She ran and ran until her nicotine craving body couldn’t take it anymore. She reached in one pocket to find the half smoked cigarette still there, unbroken, and a lighter in the other. Relief rushed through her as she lit the refry and continued to walk towards the sea. As she walked by a little house that seemed particularly empty among the unique houses of this town, there stood a cocker spaniel, who looked old and worn, that barked incessantly. As Eva approached the fence, staring at the spaniel with the same accusing eyes that he shot at her, she shouted back,
“Don’t you ever get tired ol’ dog? Don’t you ever learn that the more you bark, the less people want to be around you? Don’t you see what you’re doing to yourself?”
The salty tears rolled down her cheek and settled in the corners of her mouth or sometimes making it to the ground. It felt good to cry. As the tears fell, so did Eva, exhausted. The concrete was ice. She looked up at the moon. Eva loved the moon. She loved the way it shimmered and danced, and even though it was different every night, it was the only thing that had stayed by her side through all the hard nights for all her 20 years. She looked back up at the dog, took a deep breath, and said to him in a tone so peaceful, she wasn’t sure it was her own,
“I think this is it for me,” she smoked as she talked “I’m tired of barkin’, I’m tired of always fighting these battles, and playin’ this silly game, I’m gonna live up with the moon.” She had always pictured heaven that way, all of our souls playing among the stars. The dog opened his mouth to bark again, but only this time he whimpered, almost in pleadingly. Eva stood up, leaned over the fence, and kissed him on the nose.
“Thank you,” She whispered.
She walked numbly, and without thought until she reached the sea. When she arrived, she inhaled so deeply she could taste the salt in the air. Piece by piece she took off her clothes and marched into the water. Once she was nose deep, she surrendered, completely giving up. Her body was now the oceans to carry away.