"To Be Heard"



The cold air awoke me. Squinting, there was enough light for me to see two shadows talking outside my room. I would've closed the door but it was useless, I couldn't hear anything. I tried to fall back to sleep, cradling my knees to my chest. It was impossible. Everything seemed different. Everything seemed hopeless.
I looked outside my window. The sky was filled with stars that covered the dark blanket above us. The moon's light was caressing me, it was the only thing that comforted me. It stopped the tears in my eyes, it made me forget the suffering. I blinked, and the beauty had slipped away, taking my heart with it. Dawn wiped away the moon and the stars in an instant.
Using all of my energy, I sat up. The blood rushing to my head. My eyes drifted around the room. I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. My long, black hair, my light complexion, my slender, thin body. The price of dancing. Dancing. Something I still loved until now. Was becoming useless like everything else.
I opened the door slowly, remembering that my family might still be sleeping. With my bare feet gliding on the cold, wooden floor, I came to the two glass doors that led to the room with the beautiful, breath-taking view. Something prevented me from turning the golden doorknob. A figure was standing on one side of the room, resting his arms on the marble frames of a desk. It was him. The person who never left me without knowing if I was okay. The best friend that stood by me the whole week I was in pain.
Hayden saw me through the doors. It was too late to turn around. I'd have to face that awkward moment where we needed to say something, but simply couldn't. I took one step back. His light brown skin was flawless and healthy. His face was brighter than ever, and I did not know why he would be at a time like this. As he opened the door, his brown eyes locked on mine, and I let out a laugh. It probably sounded unconvincing, but I wouldn't know.
We both stood there, unsure about what to say. At first, we looked at anything but each other. We turned our heads to the large window, that was letting in the light and colors of daybreak. He tried to force me to dance, taking my hand, and putting his hands around my waist. I pushed him away. His eyes said, " Everything's okay, you can trust me." He wasn't the one I couldn't trust. It was me.
I needed to escape everything. The comfort people tried to push into me. I just needed to be alone. I needed to dance for one last time. One last time. What happened last week took everything away from me. I would have to cope with the frustration forever.
Before I knew it, I was outside, staring at nothing. I walked, tracing the world with my eyes. I was going to have to live like this. Trapped. Limited. I wrapped my arms. Cold as I was, that was only a small part of my problem. The weather would eventually change. But my problem couldn't. I kept walking, becoming more anxious as I came closer to the tall buildings I was used to seeing.
I stopped, took a breath, and walked in. The velvet seats, the hot, bright light, the mirrors, the curtains, the stage. I closed my eyes, I felt it. The music stirring up in me. I threw my heavy jacket on the floor and felt lighter. It wasn't just the jacket that I had taken off, but also the doubt that kept me from going . All my emotions that I felt were finally let out in the swift movements. Dancing made me express what my tongue couldn't. Everything sunk under my tears. My lips were quivering with pain. The drops that fell down my cheek were filled with happiness and relief. I dropped onto the stage floor and sat there, crying. Now I knew what people wanted to tell me. They didn't just try to comfort me. They wanted to remind me that things weren't over. That I could still make it. That I was strong enough. That I was the one making my emotions harder to control with negativity and frustration.
As I pushed the theater's doors open, I didn't feel trapped and limited anymore. I felt that I didn't need to get used to the pain. I felt confident. All of that stopped when I felt someone at my side. He had short, black hair, he wore thick glasses, and he was very skinny but attractive. I could see his mouth moving, but words didn't come out. His facial expressions made him seem confused as I stared at his lips, trying to break down the words. Ashamed, and not knowing what to do, I tried to make signals with my hands, but it only made things more complicated. I tried pointing to my ears, and after a couple of seconds, he was smart enough to realize. I was deaf.
Last week played back in my mind. The day I was in the emergency room. The fear that sparked through my body when I was told I had pneumonia. The days where I could hardly breathe between the coughs. Hayden's worried face, and me reassuring him I was okay. When the doctor said the infection had spread to my ears and that I might lose my hearing. When I woke up to the sound of nothing. When I smashed my ipod on the ground in frustration, thinking the pain would be permanent. Then, my family trying their best to help me through the suffering, and reminding me that I could make it through. That I was strong enough.