Chapter 1: The Mantra

It was a cold summer night, not the kind common in Alabama. The clouds passed under the stars creating a dance of light. Moving so freely and effortlessly, they were mocking me. It was around eleven and I was in my bedroom, lying sore. It was a house, not a home, broken down and filthy. The dishes were still lying in the sink from yesterday and the smell of trash was overpowering the smell of the dead rats. My head started to feel heavy and I started to doze off. Then the sudden slam of the front door woke me up. The stench of alcohol was so strong that one could smell it from miles away. I knew who it was, it was my mother. “Susie, Susie! Come here!” I got up and staggered towards the kitchen. My mother had dirty blond hair that was always tied in a ponytail. She had a square face and a cigarette was always stuck to her mouth. She wore the perfume of alcohol at all times.
Even though I knew what was coming, I finally gathered the courage to ask “Yes Ma’am?” “Where are my pills?” she replied with a coarse voice.
“Sorry Ma’am, I don’t know where they are.”
“So you tellin’ me that you don’t know where my pills is?”
“Sorry Ma’am, I really don’t know”
“Girl, tell me now before I beat the sh*t out of you!”
“Please mama, not again mama, I really don’t know!” I replied with a shrill cry.
“I guess you gonna get what you deserve.”
“No mama, please no mama, I really don’t know!” I recited these words over and over again like a holy mantra until a sharp slap crushed my jaw. My face was now on the cold hard floor as blood from my nose trickled down my cheek. Soon my tears mixed in with the blood. I held my eyes shut because I didn't have the strength to face what was coming. She pulled me up and shattered my soul with a second blow. After that I couldn't hear anything, say anything or do anything. She kicked my chest numerous times until she heard the crunch of my broken ribs. I just laid still in my pool of blood. Soon after, the beating stopped and she left, exactly to where I can not recall. Though I knew I didn't have the strength to kill her, I was still contemplating on how to kill her in the most painful way possible. I imagined myself getting up and getting hold of a kitchen knife. Then I went to her dirty bedroom and pulled her hair back so her fat neck would be fully exposed. I took the knife and ran it down her neck slowly so I could feel every muscle in her neck ripping slowly. Her neck was oozing out blood. The blood ran down my fingers as I felt the throbbing of her cowardly heart. I suppose she would be screaming, I thought to myself and slowly drifted towards unconsciousness.