I sit in a crowded room, full of people I do not know, too interested in their own conversations to notice someone by themselves. The lights are dimmed, and the music is loud, almost overwhelming. My dress feels tighter and tighter, although it fit perfectly fine when I left the house. The satin is soft, but wrinkles when my hands touch it. My hands are sweaty, and my stomach is in knots, my nerves taking over. The room begins to feel smaller and smaller, and it gets harder for me to breathe.

I get up and go outside, the cool air feels good on my skin. I close my eyes for a moment and lay my head against the brick wall on the outside of the building. Everything about this is overwhelming for me, from the people to the lights to this dress. Why can’t I be like everyone else in there, why do I have to be like this. I watch a couple walk outside, laughing and enjoying themselves. Why can’t I be happy like them? 

I slow my breathing, an attempt at calming myself down. Large social gatherings always drain me emotionally and mentally. I try so hard to fit in with everyone else, but I just don’t belong here. Nobody talks to me, and I always do this at every event I go to. My head swirls with thoughts of hatred and self-loathing, and I try my best to ignore them. 

Breathe. All I need to do is breathe. Why can’t I just breathe?