That Awful Day
I yawned as my alarm went off.  As I rolled out of bed, I couldn’t help but think of how boring my life has become.  Like every other day, I wake up at 5:45, take a hot shower, get dressed, give Jon and Amelia a quick kiss, and jump in my car to catch the 6:53 train out of F Station.   Living in Queens, there is always a lot of traffic in the morning and today would be no exception.  All the kids are back in school, which means everyone is back to work.  At least it appears to be turning into a beautiful day- one of those late summer days with lots of sun, clear blue skies, and warm temperatures.
     My name is Michelle and I recently turned 32.  I am originally from Massachusetts, but came
to New York to study at Queens College, where I met my husband Jon, and I never left.  Amelia is my 3-year old daughter.  My younger sister Becky, lives with us too while she attends graduate school at NYU.  Becky has been visiting my Dad outside of Boston this week before her classes start back up, and will flying in this morning.   Jon has lived in Queens his entire life and works for the Queens Chamber of Commerce as an accountant.  Fortunately, he helps with Lucas and is able to bring him to and from daycare each day.
As I sit on the train, I am thinking about lunch (I’m always hungry it seems).  Since it is

so nice out maybe I will take the 15 minute walk to Sweetgreen- their salads are worth the long line I will probably have to wait in.  At shortly before 8:00 my train pulls in and I walk to my office on the 17th floor of the North Tower of the World Trade Center.  The elevator ride is
quick; I sometimes wish I worked on a higher floor so that I could  look out at the amazing view of Manhattan.  I work for a small company called Empire Health Choice in the IT department.  The IT department consists of me and Anna Coviello.  Anna is in her 50’s, barely five feet tall, and the funniest person I know.  She usually arrives around the same time as me.  She lives out in Staten Island with her husband and teenage sons. She’s my best friend and a mother figure to me, as I lost my own mother 10 years ago. 
         As I entered my office, I passed the receptionist and walked down the hall to my office, which is actually a small room with two cubicles, one for me and one for Anna.  She was already there, on the phone so I quietly put my purse in my drawer and turned on my computer.   When she was off the phone, we began to plan our daily trip to the Starbucks down the street for our morning break.   We take turns and I was happy that today was my turn because the weather was so nice.  Today Anna wants the Iced Vanilla Latte, and I decide on the Iced Caramel Macchiato. I answered a few emails, then got up to leave to get our coffee.  Although our break isn’t until 10:00, I decided to go early today because our staff meeting is scheduled for 9:00 and I need to get back in time.  As I was leaving Anna called out to me to take something- it was a gift card for Starbuck’s and she wanted to pay for us both today.
     From my office to Starbucks is about a 10 minute walk. I love to walk in the city but I am  always careful to keep my belongings close to my body, although most people at this time of day work in the area and are hurrying along just like me.  There are several large airports near Manhattan, so planes are always flying overhead, so much that I never even notice them anymore.  Today, though, I noticed a plane circling lower than usual, but honestly did not think twice about it. I just assumed that there was a backup at the airport and that they were just waiting to land.  I finally reached Starbucks, a little frustrated because the line was longer than usual, and people were standing around whispering and talking and holding up the line.  I finally ordered, got my drinks and headed back to work.  I checked my watch to see how late I was and hoped I wouldn’t be late for the meeting.  I thought, darn, it’s 8:44, I had better hurry up.  I heard an engine noise above my head that seemed to be getting louder and louder.  I looked up and couldn’t believe it-  a plane directly above my head and moving fast towards the North Tower.  People were standing in the street, pointing at the sky, trying to understand what was happening.  I was hoping in the back of my mind that the plane was going to turn away from the building, but as it got closer and closer I screamed.  My mind was racing and time seemed to stop. Something bad is about to happen, I thought to myself. I began to shake uncontrollably, and right before my eyes, I witnessed the worst thing ever. 
     BOOM, a massive flash of light, and I heard a deafening noise.  Seconds later, flames burst out of the huge hole in the side of the North Tower, and a huge amount of black smoke filled the sky.  I was in such shock that I just stood there for a few minutes watching this tragic scene play out in front of my eyes. I didn't know what to do, and everybody was going frantic trying to make phone calls.  Some people ran toward the building and others began to run away, knocking each other over.  Some people just stood there crying.  I couldn’t move I felt as though I was a
tree planted in the ground.  Sirens were moving toward me in the distance, getting louder and louder until more fire trucks than I have ever seen pulled up in front of the North Tower and firemen came pouring out and into the building to save the people inside.  Everyone was on their cell phones.  I suddenly felt the need to run.  I fled down a narrow lane and into a cafe.  The TV was on people were standing around watching.  A news reporter was saying that an airplane crashed into the North Tower, and that people in the South Tower should stay in the building and wait for further instructions.  I checked my watch again, 9:02.  I kept watching the TV, unable to look away, and saw the second most terrifying thing that day, another airplane crashing into the South Tower.  It was so unreal because as I watched it happen on TV I heard the explosion that was happening down the street. Tears filled my eyes, thinking about Anna, and all of my coworkers that are in the building.  A repetitive cycle of questions filled my mind, “Is everyone okay?”, “I pray that everyone gets out safe”, “Oh my god, this is so scary”, “What am I supposed to do?” these questions just kept running and running through my mind, and I continued to watch the news.  I went back outside and  just stood there, watching the frantic people around me running toward and away from the twin towers. I wanted to help, but I didn't know how. I didn't know what to do. I was hoping that Anna was okay. That is when I remembered that my sister was flying somewhere today. I panicked, but then thought, there are so many planes that go out in one day, there is no way that she is on that plane”.   I wondered, what should I do?  What should I do first?  I need to see my family, and Anna.  I feel warm tears dripping down my face.  I can taste the salt. The tears are endless.
Everyone is yelling and screaming, telling people in the streets to get away, to run away from the building, so I do, pushing through crowds and trying to find some place safe to make a phone call.   I ran into another restaurant that had a TV, and learned that all the bridges and tunnels in New York City were being closed, and that the President was calling this a terrorist attack! 
I must have gone into shock,  because the next thing I knew a police officer was yelling at me to go, and pulling on my arms.  I looked around to see that some of the commotion seemed to have settled down. There weren’t many people in the streets near me, because they were taken to safety by the police. I asked the policeman who was escorting me down the street what was happening now, and he told me that all airplanes have been grounded and that there was just another attack on the Pentagon.  By now I was probably a mile or so from the twin towers.  Again, watching a TV screen, this time in an appliance store.   I watched in horror as the South Tower completely collapsed, sending black thick smoke into the streets and covering people with soot and ashes.  I prayed that the North Tower would fall down too and that Anna had gotten out safely.  I saw a policeman out the window and ran to speak with him.  I asked if everyone got out and he became very serious and said that hundreds of people died including firefighters when the building collapsed, and that the North Tower was still begin evacuated.  I felt speechless, with thoughts in my mind, praying to God that Anna and my sister were OK.  I couldn’t stop crying.. The policeman put me and two other people into his car and drove us to the police station.  They could not take me home because the bridges were closed.
My phone rang, and it was my husband.  Thankfully he was home with Lucas and when he heard my voice he began to cry.  I told him that I was safe, and I would be home soon. He put Amelia on the phone. That conversation was short though, because I couldn't stop crying. 
I checked my watch again- it was only 10:25 in the morning but it felt like days had passed.  I felt safe in the police station at least but was also so terribly worried.  Everyone in the room was so quiet, no one knew what to say.  Suddenly, I hear a lot of commotion in the next room and I jumped up and ran in.  The radios were reporting that the North Tower had just collapsed.  Anna!!  I called my husband again and asked him to check on my sister’s flight number.   He said he would and then call me back.  A few minutes later my phone rang, and it was my husband.  I could tell he was having a hard time speaking.  Finally he said, it was Flight 11.  The airplane that crashed into the North Tower.
     I don’t remember much of the next few hours, just that I walked, and walked, and walked.  I crossed the Queensboro Bridge and finally arrived home.  I was in total shock.  My feet were blistered and my head pounded.  My husband and my three year old were outside and he was pushing her on a swing  When I saw those two precious faces of my family is when I felt my emotions sink in. I ran up to them, and we stood there for ten minutes hugging and crying.  We cried about Becky, and called my Dad, who could not be consoled.  Jon asked me to tell him everything that had happened. He was in a panic, and it was almost as if he had been repeating the questions over and over while waiting for me to come home. I understood though, so being as exhausted that I was, I was loving and caring, because I knew this was a scary and difficult time for him as well.   He told me something funny that Amelia did, and we laughed.  That nervous, stressed, and overtired laugh. By now, it was time for dinner, but I had no appetite, so I just went and layed in bed. I just waited. Waited to learn if Anna and Becky were still somehow alive.
     The next morning I woke up at about 7:30am, from a terrible night’s sleep. Having those visuals of planes crashing into the towers, caused me to toss and turn all night long. My head was still pounding, and I felt bad for Amelia because she could sense that something was not normal, but she didn't know what. I tried my best to comfort her, so that she still felt cared for. As the day went on, the news kept playing video of the airplanes hitting the twin towers over and over.  There were images of people running from the rubble, of people crying, praying and hugging each other.  People were beginning to pin pictures onto nearby buildings of loved ones who could not be found.  Although deep down I knew Becky could not have survived the plane crash, I kept hoping and praying anyway. 
     As the days went on, we learned that hundreds of people were missing, and and that more than 2,000 people may have been killed. We didn’t hear from Becky.  I spoke to Anna’s husband everyday, but he always told me the same thing- nope.  My father drove to Queens and is staying with us, waiting for new like everyone else.  Every day, I just sit by the TV, waiting for news of Anna and my sister, and watching the horrible scenes over and over.  They were not really releasing much new information on the incident, because they were still trying to figure out who did this and why. I was becoming quite anxious, and actually started to become very angry over the matter, because I needed to know.
That night, I saw on the news that the names of those who had been killed would be released tomorrow. That calmed me down, knowing that it wouldn’t be hanging over me, but then I began to get the feeling that I didn't want to know. I was a mess. The feeling of terror in my soul was growing with each and every minute.  All I could really do in this terrible situation was pray. So I did, as often as I could.
      The next day I got up at 6:30 in the morning. I didn’t want to miss anything. I made breakfast for myself and Amelia, and ate in front of the TV.  After what felt like an awfully long time, I heard a deep voice say, “and here are the names of those who are dead or assumed to be dead.  My brain shut down with fear. I walked into the living room, shaking. My husband came down the stairs to comfort me, because he was watching the TV in our room. Then the listing began.  They first named the people that were on the plane. This was it. I was about to find out if my sister was okay. They went down the list, and there it was. My sister had died. My eyes filled with tears immediately, and my vision became blurry.  My husband had gotten out of bed and had quietly sat down next to me, and  I could see tell that he was crying also. I knew it was real, not a dream. I didn't even know how to react, I sat there in shock. Then all of a sudden, I got up and started yelling, and throwing things, and saying “WHOEVER CRASHED THAT PLANE IS SICK!!” I was completely beside myself. I just wanted to punch something. Amelia began to cry.  My husband hugged me, and as I began to calm down. The reporter began to list those who died in the North Tower.  ...Anna Coviello...
                                 My best friend.. I fell to the floor crying. My life was over. My best friend and my sister had died, and whoever did this would not dare face me. I was enraged.  My husband was very upset too, because he also lost a cousin who was a firefighter.  He was very kind to me, and he tried his best to stay as calm as possible, so that I wouldn't get more worked up. I never realized how helpful that was until after.
  More time passed.  We held services for my sister and Anna, and Jon’s cousin.  We tried to get back to normal somehow, but I no longer had a job to go to.  I spent more time with my father and Amelia.   We tried to avoid watching TV.  American flags were everywhere and people seemed to be a lot nicer to one another. 
                                    One day, the week before Christmas, I was doing the laundry.  I decided to wash the skirt I had been wearing the day of the attack, something I had avoided because of the bad memories it brought up in me.  Like I always do, I checked the pockets to make sure I didn’t accidentally wash something important.  I felt something and pulled it out of the pocket.  It was the Starbuck’s card Anna had given me.   
                                    I held that card close to me, because it comforted me. It brought back memories of Anna and the last conversation that we had, just before I walked out of the North Tower to get us our coffees.  I believe it was a sign from her to me that I should move forward, to begin to live again.  Instead of sadness, it may me feel peaceful.  
                                     Now, Instead of thinking about that awful day, I choose to remember all the time I spent  with Anna, hearing her funny stories and laughing with her, all of our inside jokes. I think about Becky and how much I loved her and of all the things we did as children.  I talk about them both to Amelia, and I make sure she will always know about two wonderful women who I had loved, who had lived beautiful lives, and and who had changed me forever.