Rosaline; a tragic comedy in seven entries. | Teen Ink

Rosaline; a tragic comedy in seven entries.

September 15, 2010
By Penmaiden BRONZE, Minnetonka, Minnesota
Penmaiden BRONZE, Minnetonka, Minnesota
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn. ~Thomas Gray

The eighth day of the first month, 1595
Dearest Diary,
Tonight, one of the finest balls in the land shall be held at the house of my beloved uncle, Lord Capulet. It is to be a grand affair with musicians, fine delicacies, and, of course, dancing. My mother insists that I wear a mask, as it is to be a masquerade, but I think that will cover my face with a far inferior beauty. How can cloth and beads compare with the soft satin of a perfect countenance? Bah!
An exciting thing – through the reports and rumors that run like rats through the servants’ quarters, I have heard that a Montague, Romeo by name, is strongly attracted to me and desires to make my acquaintance – and perhaps win my love. My mother also heard this gossip and, far from the reaction I expected, was pleased. I was horrified at first. A Montague? But Mother explained to me just how rich this Romeo’s family is and says that such a match is, well, matchless! She says that the wealth alone would be enough to set aside our petty quarrels and form a union between our families through marriage.
And… I have heard that this Romeo is a very handsome man.
I must put down my pen. The servants have come to dress me for the ball and I am blushing most furiously at the words I have dared to pen.
~ Rosaline Capulet

A few hours later…
Dearest Diary,
The ball is but minutes from starting. I can already hear the music playing from where I sit in a small room, scribbling this down. I must hurry.

And here is the reason that I felt compelled to spend these last moments before the ball writing in a small book.
Only seconds after the servants had finished fixing my hair, my mother burst into the room with wondrous news! She has heard (I know not how or from whom) that Romeo Montague is going to sneak into the masquerade tonight with the intent of catching a glimpse of me. Me!
So romantic, is it not?
Mother has taken it upon herself to give me some advice on how to capture him with my womanly graces. She says that it would be best for me to feign indifference in order to make him want me all the more. She calls it ‘playing hard to get’. I’m not entirely sure how this technique will earn me Romeo’s affections, but if Mother says it will, I certainly trust her.
Wish me all the luck under the sun!
~ Rosaline Capulet (soon to be Montague??)

The ninth day of the first month, 1595
Dearest Diary,
I am livid enough to throttle that good-for-nothing, flirting, ditz of a cousin of mine! Always she has been considered to be wittier, lovelier, and more charming than I am, and for long years have I endured it with gritted teeth. But this! This is not to be borne! I flinch away from penning this travesty, but it must be recorded by someone, so here it is.
Juliet Capulet (I spit as I speak that harridan’s name) has stolen the heart of my fair Romeo! Her wiles and flippant games have broken many a heart, but Romeo? I had thought he was above such traps!
Mother says that all is not yet lost. She says that I must be patient and let the affairs calm themselves before I should try again. Patient – bah!
~ Rosaline Capulet

The eleventh day of the first month, 1595
Dearest Diary,
Affairs are most certainly not calming themselves in the least. Quite the contrary of my mother’s predictions, Romeo Montague has not lost interest in Juliet (the conniving shrew!) and a rumor is flying through the servants’ quarters that – can I bring myself to write it? – that Romeo has secretly wed Juliet.
And that isn’t the worst.
Actually I take that back. That is the worst rumor, but there is a truth that is almost as bad as the rumor. My cousin Tybalt has been killed by Romeo. And Romeo has been banished. Oh, my sweet Romeo! How long will Juliet’s love last for you? (the fickle creature!)
~ Rosaline Capulet (and fated to remain, in bitterness, a Capulet.)

The fifteenth day of the first month, 1595
Dearest Diary,
It is over. Everything.
It is rather confusing, but the real point is that Romeo is dead. He killed himself after Juliet pretended to be dead (likely trying to play hard to get!). And then Juliet woke up to find that Romeo was dead, and so she killed herself (I’m surprised that she had the courage!).
Thus… it is over. I shall wander the earth in everlasting sorrow, doomed to be alone as the sun fades into darkness and the moon drops from the sky. Ah, it is a bitter cup we lovers drink! To either die with fulfilled love or live without hope of love.
Mother tries to console me, but I refuse to eat or drink. Perhaps it is for the better – with all the feasting around here, I could do with a few less pounds. But what will it matter when my only love is dead? And he didn’t even love me back. I shall die – loveless. Alone.
~ Rosaline Capulet

The twenty-first of the first month, 1595
Dearest Diary,
Mother has convinced me to attend the funeral of Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet. She says it will do me good. Bah! I shall shed bitter tears for Romeo and look in scorn at the body of my fickle cousin. Much good that will do me!
Mother insists that I wear my finest gown. She says the pale colors will emphasize the pallidness of my thin face and add to my ethereal beauty. Flattery does not heal my broken heart. But I will consent to the wishes of my mother and wear the gown.
Mother says that many people will be there, both from the Capulet household and from the household of the Montagues. It shall only wound me more to see Montagues running around with the features of my beloved. Perhaps I will faint with grief. Or die. That would be tragically dramatic.
~ Rosaline Capulet (perhaps for the last time. So I bit thee fondest diary, farewell!)

The twenty-eighth of the first month, 1595
Dearest Diary,
The funeral was wondrously tragic. I wept a river of tears, and Mother told me that I looked like a ghostly fairy. Just as the music grew to a climax and the two caskets were thrust into the darkness of the tomb, I fainted.
And, imagine my luck! I was standing right across from Benvolio Montague who leapt forward and caught me in his strong arms! When I was revived, he was most concerned with my health and eager to fetch anything that might make me feel better.
I blush as I write this, but… Benvolio is a very handsome man.
There is to be a ball at my uncle’s house in a fortnight. All the Montagues were invited, so I need not fear that Benvolio would sneak in to see me – though I’m certain he would if he had to!
Mother has sought to give me advice, but I turned her away. I think I can handle this without her meddling.
And, I believe that, this time, I will not play quite as hard to get…
~ Rosaline Capulet (soon to be Montague??)

The author's comments:
I love Shakespeare and it was amazingly fun to write a fan fiction off of it. I hope you enjoy it and get a laugh out of it too =)

Similar Articles


This article has 13 comments.

on Jun. 16 2011 at 10:37 pm
TheCoffeeKitten BRONZE, Saugatuck, Michigan
4 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Oh gosh... this was hilarious! We finished Romeo and Juliet in my English a few weeks ago and I was always a little sad that Rosaline didn't get much backstory. You wrote so that it sounded really old fashioned, just like in the play! That's hard to do--Good job!

Also, I'm not sure if somebody already posted a comment regarding this, but wasn't it forbidden for Romeo to be with Rosaline because she was a nun? Other than the little thing there, it was a great story and I loved it!

on Dec. 11 2010 at 4:19 pm
Underhill BRONZE, Olathe, Kansas
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sanity is just another way of describing people with no vision."—Anonymous

Oh my gosh . . . this is so funny.  Ahh, it just so well captures teen drama, and Shakespeare's tragic setting makes an awesome contrast.

on Dec. 11 2010 at 3:16 pm
MysteryHeart GOLD, Thorold, Other
14 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Usted es especial! AKWARD!!! (in an opera like voice), ohhh fasha', what the huh?,who in the name of what?, sanity now!


ams98 said...
on Nov. 16 2010 at 3:59 pm
omg i love romeo and juliet and that was awesome! Serious i loved it!

on Nov. 16 2010 at 7:13 am
Penmaiden BRONZE, Minnetonka, Minnesota
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn. ~Thomas Gray

thanks =D  oops, didn't catch that.  Well, maybe that was part of Rosaline's 'playing hard to get act'.  I think I'll say I planned that. ;)

on Sep. 22 2010 at 8:13 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 430 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

I like this! You made it sound almost modern day! This is a nice spin off the original story, good job!

Dakota said...
on Sep. 22 2010 at 6:41 pm
I really enjoyed this read.  The writing style and story intrigued me.

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 21 2010 at 7:42 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 606 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

This was really funny and well written!  I loved the emotion you put into it, and the fickleness of Rosaline.  Good job!  Could you check out some of my stuff (Duty: To Heart)?  Thanks so much! J7X

Emmaline said...
on Sep. 20 2010 at 3:48 pm
sooo funny!! luved the way u wrought in old language but made it mondern day!!  just amazingly awsum!!

on Sep. 19 2010 at 10:34 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

This would have worked wonderfully if not for the fact that Romeo's woebegone over Rosaline b/c she's decided to be a nun. Just saying. Other than that, this was hysterical; I loved the ending. "I blush to write this, but...Benvolio is a very handsome man." LOL I almost died.

on Sep. 19 2010 at 7:41 pm
Wow, that was great!  You are an awesome writer.  Happy writing!

Golly! said...
on Sep. 19 2010 at 2:12 pm
I just had to say I love the ending where she says "soon to be Montague?" !!!! sooooo funny!

Golly! said...
on Sep. 19 2010 at 2:11 pm
THis is hilarious!!! I love this story! you are such a good writer!