My version of New Moon | Teen Ink

My version of New Moon

April 16, 2010
By fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments

As I sat in Jake’s cramped garage, I felt strangley whole. As if his bright, white smile and easy laugh had glued together the broken pieces of my shattered life. I felt a unknown love for this young boy who was telling me about something a subsitute teacher last week, a wide, easy grin upon his face. Something about him and his warm despite the rain and his personality drew me in like a drug. A drug that I knew I was addicted to. I needed him as bad as I needed food. He was the only thing that would keep me whole and I grasped tightly and selfishly to him.

Suddenly I heard a honk outside the garage and turned my head. “Pizza,” Jake said, standing up.

“I’ll get it,” I murmured. “You keep working.” I paid the pizza guy hurridedly, anxious to get out of the rain and back to Jacob.

“You like anchovies on your pizza?” I asked quizzically, once I was sitting next to him again.

“Of course. What you don’t?”

“Oh, yeah, I love dead nasty smelling fish. Who wouldn’t?” I joked.

“Ah, you just can’t apperaite their sheer tastiness.” He smiled, cranking something on the bike.

“You know, you are the only person I know that likes anchovies. I didn’t even think pizza places had them anymore.”

“Mhm. Well, most people don’t even try them. Hey, could you hand me a ball pin bracket?”

“Um...?” I asked feeling stupid. His returned smile was like sun breaking a storm.

“The little thing that looks like a paperclip. I think it’s the third drawer, left side.”

“There we go, thats more of my vocabulary,” I smiled and his thundering laugh was like a present on Christmas day.


That was the last time I saw him. Well, no, he didn’t die. But I did. Inside. Again. Just not as bad. For three weeks I called twice a day. When I attemped to go to his house his dad told me he was sick. Everytime it was something different. Either, Jake is at a friends, or he has mono, or something. At first it wasn’t too bad but as time went on I got more and more crazed for his presence.

I hadn’t realized it but I had slowly begun to fall back into my old habits. Nightmares, waking up sweaty. My days returned to its old routiene- attempt sleep, wake up, school, try to eat, homework, sleep again. Nothing was anything. I had returned to my depressed walking zombie stage. A moving person. There was nothing left inside me, except the small hope that whatever was going on would stop, and I could go back to the garage. I could go back to living and being with Jacob Black.

It was Saturday and Charlie was out fishing with Harry Clearwater. I had finished all my homework- even went on the school website and saw what my homework would be for the next two weeks- and finished all that, too. I had done laundry, dishes, swept, and mopped, and cleaned everything twice. I now sat on my bed, and I knew what I would do next.

Hurriedly, I grabbed my keys and sprinted down the stairs. I would not spend another day like this- I needed my safe harbor back.

I pushed my truck to it’s limit- 50 miles- and quickly parked infront of Jacob’s house. It was familar and red and just seeing it again brought back his smile. It was pouring rain, and I was debating what to do. I knew if I rang the doorbell I would get an excuse, so I sat in my truck a bit, wondering.

It was then that I suddenly saw him, or was it him? Yes, I would know Jake anywhere.

But he wasn’t my Jacob. His long hair was gone- replaced with a much shorter crew cut. He was wearing cutoff shorts and a ripped up pear of tennis shoes. But the thing that caught my eye was his chest. He was buff, and I mean really buff. Like those teen hearthrobs you see in girls lockers. He had a defined eight pack and strong arms. He was just as tan as I remembered, but all of this could have been normal. Maybe he just got into weights or something.

The weird thing was that he was shirtless, and it was raining. I had on a sweatshirt and jeans and was in a car and yet I was still chilly. Somehow, he looked totally at ease. Except for... once I looked closer, he wasn’t. His fists were clenched tight, his neck strained, and he walked sitffly. He wasn’t cold, but something was very wrong and the urge to make him feel better overpowered me.

When he saw my car he wheeled around and walked the opposite way- back into the forest.

I quickly got out. Here he finally was- I wasn’t missing my chance.

“Jake!” I yelled, “Hey Jacob!” I ran and caught up to him.

“What.” He snapped back around.

His chest wasn’t the only thing that had changed. His face- it wasn’t the face I knew. It scared me. Instead of a cheery smile, he wore a hard mask, one I had never seen. I suddenly felt like I had done something wrong and I was briefly speechless.

“What- what happened to you?” I whispered into the pouring rain. “I thought you were too sick to come outside, or answer the phone,” I murmured weakly.

“Go,” He said, hard and ice cold. It engulfed me.

“What?” I murmured, genuinely confused and hurt.

“Go away,” He said again, just as morosely.

“Did Sam get to you? Is that what this is? You’ve joined his little gang?” I snapped.

“You don’t know anything.”

“Maybe thats because you don’t tell me anything,” I yelled. I tried to sound fearless, but my attempt was feeble.

“Don’t lie to me,” I said, “tell me. What is going on, Jake?”

“Look,” he sighed, and I assumed tried to say this kindly, “we can not be friends.” But it didn’t come out kindly at all. Instead, my stomach dropped and I tried to keep my footing.

“I- I know that I haven’t wanted you, like the way you want me, but I can change. I mean you- you are the only thing- I just. It kills me. To be away from you and I just maybe give me some time or something...” and I let my stupid words fade into the pitter patter. For a milisecond a flash of pain played across his face, and then it was gone, so fast I wasn’t sure if it had really been there.

“Just don’t,” he snapped. “It’s not you...”

“It’s not you, it’s me right? Are you really pulling that classic line? Really?”

“Its true,” He said, “it is me. I’m not- not good for you. I used to be. I’m not now. It dosen’t even matter. This is over.” He snapped cruely.

“You can’t break up with me,” I blubbered, “I mean, you are my best friend. You promised me, you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I know. And this is me keeping that promise. So go home. Don’t come back,” and with that he abruptly turned and ran back into the woods where I saw Sam and the others waiting. They had taken away my beautiful happiness and replaced him with a bitter, arrogant, contumelious stranger and as I watched him run away from me all I felt was pure betrayal. But it wasn’t bad as last time, nothing would ever be. Last time, I had everything taken away from me. This time, I only had the last shred of peace taken away. So I did the only thing I could do, I stood there long after he had gone and let the rain soak through my hair, my clothes, and my soul. Now there was abslutley nothing.

The author's comments:
I was bored one day so I wanted to re-write a part in New Moon. No copyright infragment intended.

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This article has 22 comments.


fairee GOLD said...
on Jul. 29 2012 at 4:07 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments
thanks I apperciate it

fairee GOLD said...
on Jul. 29 2012 at 4:07 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments
thank you!:)

princess yui said...
on Nov. 22 2011 at 2:37 pm
Heyoo!that was a creative way to spred your version of new moon.LOVED it.=p keep on keepn on.Oh  yeah inform me on how you created your own version.

on Apr. 10 2011 at 5:50 pm
aspiringauthor_ BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK Jr.

Thanks! :) Haha, I didn't want to be annoying or anything, so... :)

fairee GOLD said...
on Mar. 28 2011 at 5:54 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments
sure! and i know its hard to get people to view your stuff (:

on Feb. 26 2011 at 9:12 am
aspiringauthor_ BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK Jr.

fair246: Do you think you could check out some of my work? :) I am new ... Well, not really new, but no one views my stories, soooo... I was just wondering. :) Thanks! :)

on Feb. 26 2011 at 9:10 am
aspiringauthor_ BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK Jr.

Wow, bubblee96, you're not nice at all. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. We all get it: You think it's copyright infringement and you think it's bad. And that's your opinion, and that's fine. But what's not fine is the "love you! (not!)." That is just plain mean. So I guess you can just take this like a man, to quote you, and reply appropriately, am I correct? :) Thank you! :)

on Aug. 30 2010 at 11:00 pm
Robsessed PLATINUM, McKinney, Texas
23 articles 1 photo 199 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> "Did you know 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob?" she asked cutting me off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up.'" - Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn

Okay, here is my unbiased thoughts: It's not bad. A bit sloppy with grammar and sentence structure, but otherwise it's a decent rendition of those events. The transition from the garage to Bella not seeing Jacob for a while was a bit rushed/cut short. Remember to spell check in future.

Now, here's my TwiHard biased thoughts: Everything starting with "Jake!" I yelled, "Hey Jacob..." is basically a paraphrasment of the scene in the movie, however, you did alter things a bit. I did like how you described Bella's thoughts and feelings though. For someone who says they don't like Twilight "that much" you have a nice way of taking words and creating an emotion with them. I could totally emphasize with Bella. I don't know if it was your intent to take Kristen's and/or Taylor's facial expressions in the movie and translate them into writing, but you did and pretty well too.

What some of the commenters don't seem to understand is that this is a Fan Fiction piece and therefore will have material that is extremely similar to the original work. Yes, you could have made things a bit more your own, but I don't think you plagerized and last time I checked, paraphrasing is perfectly acceptable.


fairee GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 11:26 am
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments
its ok beacuse you gave me constructive criticism, you weren't just being rude to be rude. so thanks for that. 

deka9 said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 6:07 am
*sigh* I'm sorry fair246 but this isn't original. You used quotes from the book/movie and basically paraphrase the rest. You have a very neat idea of rearranging key points to make your own. However, I don't think you have done enough to make it yours, yet. I see that you jumped the time of the friendly Jacob as a memory before the hard Jacob which was good, but the rest was really paraphrasing. Sorry if I sounded harsh. Hope things would go well for you :)

on Jun. 2 2010 at 4:41 pm
Emma.H.96 DIAMOND, Kalamazoo, Michigan
65 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should&#039;ve behaved better. -Anne Lamott, from Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.

so you took the movie and the book and some of your own stuff and call that oringinal? I call that plagerism. I know, I know, it's yours, and you wrote it but I know the movie and book! So just take it like a man and deal with it.

love you! (not!)


fairee GOLD said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 8:14 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments

Jeez your user name says it all! 

Oh and by the way.  I don't even really like Twilight. (: But good try.


fairee GOLD said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 8:12 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments

Thanks (:

I'll check out some of your work


fairee GOLD said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 8:11 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments
There is 11 paragraphs that aren't dialogue. So I'm pretty sure the rest has nothing to do with the movie and those parts are actually mine!  

fairee GOLD said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 8:07 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments
The only this that is the same is the dialogue.  So get your facts straight. And if you don't have constructive criticism than just leave! Thanks. 

on Jun. 1 2010 at 6:41 pm
Emma.H.96 DIAMOND, Kalamazoo, Michigan
65 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should&#039;ve behaved better. -Anne Lamott, from Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.

this is just the dialogue from the movie, try to be original next time when you write, it makes it easier to read and publish something thats actually yours!!!!! :-(

on Jun. 1 2010 at 5:24 pm
EllaMcFarley BRONZE, Madison, Wisconsin
4 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;See ya later, Herc, it&#039;s been a real slice.&quot; -Megera from Hercules (my avatar!)<br /> &quot;I can&#039;t turn left!&quot; -Zoolander<br /> &quot;Someone get these mother f***ing snakes off this mother f***ing plane!&quot; -Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes On a Plane (funniest movie ever)

woooooow!!! i don't like twilight, but this is good, even if you kinda copied it from the movie ;) keep writing!! you should write some fanfic of jake+bella!!

on Jun. 1 2010 at 3:48 pm
Drama_Queen13 DIAMOND, Nantucket, Massachusetts
51 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Live Life Like A Song.&quot;

This is a copy of the New Moon movie. Try again Twi-Lover

fairee GOLD said...
on May. 17 2010 at 6:04 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments
I've written LOTS of other pieces but for this this is all I wrote.  I just felt like it was a good stopping point. But feel free to check out my other stuff!! (:

on May. 15 2010 at 6:46 pm
This is really good! I like really love it! Omg did you write anymore??