“For when my outward action doth demonstrate the native act and figure of my heart in complement extern, ‘tis not long after but I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at. 
I am not what I am.” --- Othello

????? Makeup, perfume, high heels, dresses, jewelry, I could spend all day on those girl things; spend all my money online just buying a set of lipstick or nail polish; order the latest fashion magazines about the new designs of the world famous fashion designers on Amazon or Barnes & Nobles. My name is Justin Law, 18 years old, a high school senior. My parents and my sister, Olive are all lawyers, “Justice”, is why they named me. In school, I get straight A’s in all subjects, with a 3.89 GPA. My goal is to go to law school after I graduate from high school, and being a lawyer is just a family tradition, it seems that my ancestors are all lawyers, so why shouldn’t I be one? I have many good buddies, I am the top basketball player on the school’s varsity team; I’m 5 foot 8, with gold hair that shines in the sunlight when we are outdoors during gym, blue eyes that have similar color to the ocean. I like girls, they have different ways to show themselves: some are cute, some are attractive, some are quiet with their beauty inside their heart; girls don’t look weird when they are wearing dresses, putting on makeup or acting cute in front of people, it’s just normal “girls” will do. To say the truth, I want to talk to girls, not because I want to show off myself and make every girl think I’m a playboy, is just because I want to talk to them about fashion, I want to share what I know about design and what I think about the newest product, those are the things I want to talk to girls about, that none of my good sport buddies can understand. I’m obsessed with girl things. Yes, I’m a guy, but not a gay.
?
????? ?“Justin! Your dad and I are going to bring Olive to the court, you stay at home and finish your college application okay?” my mom shouts from the first floor.
????? “Yeah sure mom. Have a good time debating in the court Olive Law!” I reply both to my mom and my sister.
????? “You will know how fun it is to debate in the court and crash other people’s lawyers! But thanks anyways bro. You will be a good lawyer one day too.” Olive walked out from her room next to me and said.
????? “Yes, one day I will sis, good luck.” I said with my vivid voice.
????? “Justin, eat dinner yourself boy, as usual, we will be home at about 2,” my dad said.
????? “Of course. See ya dad!” I said.
????? “Don’t let anyone in the house Justin, and do your work okay?” my mom said once again.
? ? ? “Mom,” I sigh, “I’m 18 already, not an 8 year old anymore.”
????? “You are always a baby boy to Dad and Mom, bro.” Olive giggles.
????? “Oh yeah?” I laugh, “So are you, Olive, Dad and Mom’s baby girl.”
????? “Hump, that’s my pleasure!” Olive said while she is running down the stairs.
At this time, you may wonder: What are you going to do when you are home alone? Once I hear my parents lock the door and see the car drive out of the driveway, I take out video game boxes that I hide at the bottom corner of my big bookshelf, but I’m not going to play video games. Inside these boxes I have other things: makeup, perfume; my closets is full of clothes: suits, sweaters, jeans, ties, but also a whole bunch of basketball shoe boxes at the very bottom. You might guess what’s in it already: dresses and high-heels. Although those boxes I secretly hide from my family are in a pretty obvious place, but my parents and Olive all respect me for not checking my room, because of “The Bill of Rights”

????? “Bill of Rights, 4th amendment: Protection against illegal search.” My parents said this all the time to me and Olive, “So we have no rights to search your kid’s private place.”
Maybe it seems a little bit strange for a normal “Family conversation”, but we are a lawyer family, so bear with us. I dump out everything and choose for the outfit I’m going to wear: long white blouse, scarf, and a pair of skinny jeans. Today a new perfume which I had smell from the sample on the magazine just came out, and I’m going to wear my girl's outfit and changed my name into “June” for the time when I’m out. I go to the bathroom and put on eye shadow, eyeliner, false eyelashes, and lipstick, I also put on my green color contact lenses and a shiny smooth brown color wig. I’m really confident about my makeup and how my outfit looks, since I’d been looking at other girls doing these things for a long time; I’d peek on my mom and sister doing makeup in the bathroom, and also I’d search on YouTube to see how other people do their face. The only thing I’m worried about is my height, I have to be tall to be able to play in basketball team, but as a girl, it’s just too tall, but I often use, “I’m wearing high-heels” or "I was born this way." as an excuse when people ask me, and that work all the time. After I finish dressing up, I tip toe to the first floor holding flats in both hands, walk toward the front door and put them on. I look in the mirror of my last check for my outfit today. In the mirror is an 18 year old girl, green eyes with long smooth straight brown hair, there is no one name Justin Law, but a girl name June Lawrence.

????? Walking in the town is fun, whether I’m Justin or now June. Looking at clothes through the display window, smelling the odor of the fresh bread from the bakery, listening to people laughing when they walking toward Starbucks. On my way toward the perfume store I see girls talking about their new clothes or shoes they had just bought, and boys looking at girls, discussing about their physical features. There is a group of guys staring at me for a long time and one of them just walk toward me, I know what was going to happen when I’m out with those outfits, as a girl named June.
????? “Hey are you alone?” the guy asks.
???? ?“No, I’m with someone,” I replied with a polite, calm voice.
????? “Oh, then can I add your Snapchat?” the guy then asks with his phone already on his hand.
????? “I’m sorry, I don’t use Snapchat.” I then smile with my sweetest smile, which I practice a lot at home, and I walk away toward the perfume store. During those kinds of situation when guys ask me to go out or ask for my other information, I always felt awkward because it made me feel like I am a gay – while I’m just simply obsessed with girl’s clothing –?but after a couple of times, I just feel normal, because now I am a girl, not a guy.

????? The perfume store I go to have a strange name, it’s called “Truth”, named by the manager. She said everyone can find the “Truth” about themselves one day, and I can really feel that way at this time as “June”, because no one can change the truth that I like being a girl, I can’t change it either.
????? “June! Long time no see, my pretty young lady! How are you?” the manager of the store said.
????? “I’m great! Thank you, how about you?” I reply with my most joyful tone.
????? “Great, great! Every day is a pleasure to be myself!” she says, and hugs me.
????? She is the only one who know I’m a guy dressing in girl's outfit, she realize that when I first came to the store. She is in her mid-30’s, divorce not long ago, but she is not depress of the divorce, she told me one day: “Within a person’s life, divorce is just one thing you might experience, but no big deal; although you lost your husband or wife, you still got yourself. If you have yourself, you’ve got the world.” Before the day I met the manager, I felt scared and lost about getting interested in girl things, because it’s just abnormal for a guy liking makeup and dresses, and I would never dare told my parents or friends about this, that’s just unbelievable. The attitude that I have toward girl things is like a person who know cigarette will damage his body, but can’t stop stay away from it; to me, I know is totally strange to have a guy put on makeups and wear dresses, but I just can’t keep my eyes off of them. But her word, on that day, gave me strength to be the real me, gave me strength to face the truth that I do like to be a girl.
????? “Coming for the new perfume huh?” She then says, looking at me with an understanding smile.
????? “You must have got them right?” I smile back and ask.
????? “Sure! Who do you think I am?” She laugh out and lead me toward the back of the store.
??? ??At the back of the store are the newest perfumes that have just came out on the market. She pat my shoulder softly and handed me a handful of coffee beans, then left me with a smile. I pick up the box of the perfume, and turn around try on different perfumes after sniffing the coffee beans to take away the smell of the last perfume I’d smell.
????? “Excuse me, may I borrow some coffee beans?”
????? The perfume station I’m now standing is near the man’s section, where cologne belongs, and I hear a guy asking me for coffee bean, with quite a high pitch voice. I looked up, he is a good looking guy, with hazel eyes and curly red hair.
????? “Yeah, sure, take as many as you want.” I reply as I look at him.
????? Although this guy is good looking, but little too short as a guy, he is about 5 foot 6, wearing a white shirt with a high collar. As I look at his shirt’s collar, I touch my scarf in reaction.?
????? “Thanks.” he says, then suddenly I realize that he is reading my face.
????? “Oh God! You are really tall.” He laugh, with one hand holding coffee beans, and another with a cologne. Then finally he asks, “What’s your name?”
????? With no reason, I don’t feel strange talking to him, I feel like I know him, but at the same time, he is a total stranger to me.
????? “June. June Lawrence. What’s yours?” I reply.
????? “June…” he murmured, “That’s a nice name June, my name is Alex Carter, nice to meet you.”
????? “Nice to meet you too, Alex.”
????? “Well, thanks for the coffee beans, June.” Alex rose up his hand with the coffee beans and say.
????? The Next second, he walk close to me and put his hand on my shoulder, he tiptoe a bit and whispers near my ear, “I’ll see you later, Justin Law, have a good day.” I stood there in shock, not able to move or think.
????? I softly asked, “How do you know I’m Justin Law?”
????? Alex replied, with a charming simile, “I’ll meet you in room 306 tomorrow at 7:30 in the morning, then I’ll tell ya.” He then put back the cologne and left the perfume store.
????? After I paid, the manager looks at me, “June, are you okay? You look like you saw a ghost?”
????? “No, I’m fine, just a little bit tired, I’ll see you next time.” I respond her with a quick smile, then I run home, with my mind explode with millions of questions: How does he know I’m Justin Law? Who is he?

????? As soon as I get home, I run up stairs straight into my room and lock the door. I go in the bathroom and remove the makeup on my face, take off my green contact lenses, neatly fold my blouse, jeans and scarf, then put them into empty video game and shoe boxes. After dinner, I sit on the bed with my laptop, staring at the empty word document which I am supposed to be typing my college application on, but everything in my head is messed up with questions that I can’t concentrate.
?? ???“Justin? Dude, it’s 2 in the morning, you have school tomorrow. How can you stayed up so late?” I hear Olive’s voice in a daze, and I suddenly realize my laptop is already in sleep mode. I’d been sitting and staring in space till 2 o’clock when my parents and my sister came back from the court.
????? “Uhh, no, nothing Olive, I’m just working on my application. I’m going to sleep now, good night!” I jump down my bed and turn off the light. The room is dark, just like my mind, like the biggest black hole in space.

????? I woke up at 6 in the morning. I didn’t actually fall asleep last night, I just closed my eyes and kept thinking of Alex’s words, and why he wanted to meet me in school. Why?hadn't I seen?him?and why didn't I?know him? I took a shower and dressed up for school, then?went down stairs to the kitchen and prepared breakfast for my family. I left my house, walked toward school at 7. When I finally got to school, there was?5 minutes left for me to meet up with Alex, I walked in the hallway saying hi to my friends, my heart?was pumping faster and faster when minutes go by. 7:30, standing in front of room 306, it was?a well hide classroom at the end of the hallway. To met up with a stranger who know about my secret made me nerves and uncomfortable, I knocked 3 times then turn the door knob and opened the door. It was?not a big room, nor was a small one; near the window there was?a girl standing.
????? “Hey, what are you doing in here?” I ask, try to talk in a calm voice.
????? “Othello by William Shakespeare, Act 1 scene I, Iago: ‘I am not what I am.’” The girl turns around, and I remember her face, she is Annabelle Collins, one of the attractive looking girl in our grade. She has a copy of Othello in her hand.
????? “Uhh, good morning Annabelle, what are you doing here so early in the morning? Reading Othello out loud for some kind of play or school performance?” I ask awkwardly, trying not to look at her face.
????? “Oh, Justin, you are smart enough to understand what I am trying to say, aren’t you?” Annabelle Collins walked around the room like she was dancing.
????? “I don’t understand… ‘I am not what I am’? What do you wanna tell me about?” I feel cold sweat all over my forehead and back.
????? “We just saw each other yesterday in the perfume store, Justin Law.” She laugh, with a naughty smile, “I’m Alex, don’t you remember?”
????? “W…What?” my mind go blank, “You mean, you are Alex, and you are a girl?”
????? “Why can’t I, Justin? Do you think you are the only one who dresses up like that?” She giggles, “You are Justin Law, also June Lawrence; I am Annabelle Collins, also Alex Carter, nothing wrong with it. I’m just following my ‘Truth’.”
????? I then asked stammeringly, eager to know how she recognized me when I totally changed up myself.
????? “How did you know…?”
????? “Don’t ask me how I’d recognized you, Justin,” she said, “I just feel it, we are the same kind of people, you know.”
????? She stopped for a few seconds, turned her back at me, and looked out of the window. She breathe in, and continue,
????? “I am not what I am; you are not what you are; we are not what we are.” She turned with a smile, and I can clearly remember that charming smile I saw yesterday in the perfume store. I looked at her face for a few second, then I smiled back at her, with my heart full of trust, safe, satisfy,?and calm.