Dr.Phillips’s Guide to Preventing Government Mind Control

The governement is using streaming services such as YouTube and Netflix to brainwash and spy on the brain waves of unsuspecting citizens. I, James L. Phillips, PhD, M.D., have discovered a way to prevent this through the use of common household objects. All you need is Crest® brand sensitivity toothpaste (preferably winter green), an 8.5x11” sheet of Reynolds® tin foil, and a plastic kazoo.
Now, in order to fully protect yourself from the brainwashing powers of various media services via government satellite, you’ll need tin foil. The recommended amount is an 88” sheet. Be sure that there are no rips or tears for this could leak some valuable information to the government. After making a thorough investigation of the foil, have a trusted friend or family member assist in wrapping the sheet around your head. Make sure that they wrap it around your head in a way similar to that of a Hershey’s® Kiss with a small point at the top. To ensure that the hat is indeed effective, make a hat for a friend, and have him or her stay with you and watch Netflix. If nothing happens, you have successfully created a mind control barrier.
The second step is probably one of the most important when it comes to heavily protecting your brainwaves. You’ll need a travel sized tube of Crest® Pro-Health Sensitive winter green tooth paste, and your newly created foil mind control barrier. What the toothpaste will do is add extra protection from the satellite because of the xanthan gum, a dissolving agent found in the toothpaste. What the xanthane gum will do is dissolve all mindcontrol waves that come near the hat. Take off your hat, and set it down on a stable surface. To protect your bare head from possible satellite waves, take a big rubber ball, cut it half, and wear it in place of the foil hat. The rubber hat will act as a tempory barrier from the waves because the rubber will reflect the brain waves.
Next, take the toothpaste and apply it in a ring around the entire hat; if there isn’t enough, too bad. After that, grab a paintbrush and rub the toothpaste onto the hat so that it creates a light green layer. Now, there is no known way to test out the effectiveness of the toothpaste barrier that hasn’t led to radioactive poisoning, so it’ll be unknown as to whether or not it works.
For an extra precaution, you can play the kazoo while watching TV. The kazoo will attract the attention of satellites, and provoke them. Studies have shown that the kazoos that are the most effective are the bright red, plastic ones because red is a vibrant, violent color, and it shows the government that you’re not afraid to fight them. You can obtain a red kazoo at your local dollar store. The key to successfully warding off brainwaves is to play the Imperial March as you watch Netflix. This song, made famous by Star Wars, has an intimidating air about it, and when the people running the satellites hear its distinctive soundwaves, they will instantly know that you are not a person to try and control.
Be aware of the fact that people will poke fun and laugh at your attire, but it will be worth it when they are brainwashed by the government, and forced to fight of the alien race.