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She sat up gazing around her room. It was still dark outside but she could hear the birds chirping. She stood up and went outside. The crisp clean air bit her lips and she walked to the woods. In a couple of weeks she knew she would never see these gold leaves sprinkling down all around again. She coughed to herself and tried to remember the place she stood. This place is where all her emotions went. She remembered being screaming and hitting the trees when she found out she had leukemia. She remembered after her energy left her weeping silently on the forest ground and curling up into a soft ball. She never felt so unprotected and alone. Her tears were wasteful but she couldn’t stop them, they were like a mighty river growing into an ocean. It was bad enough that her best friend had to move half way around the world. She always a strong girl but when she turned 14 she began getting weaker and weaker. She closed her eyes and let her emotions go. All pain, happiness, hope, and madness go. If she wanted to live the remains of her life in calm peace and joy she would need a different mindset and be content.
Anya gazed up at the white ceiling above her head. Her IV was making her sweat and she needed to get fresh air. She stood up and turned on the light. When she turned on the light she found her deserted, empty hospital room. She rolled her IV down with her to the end of the hall and up the stairs. It was hard carrying the IV but the reward on top of the stairs was worth it. She got her one key she always carried and opened the door on top of the stairs. A gust of wind set her blonde pale hair push away from her face. She walked onto the rooftop where she went on a daily basic when her nurses and doctors stopped fusing with her and leave her alone. This was the thing she looked forward to, the thing that kept her alive. Otherwise all her life would be the hospital and sleep. She touched her hair as she sat down on the ledge looking down at the city lights. She saw teenagers laughing and men stumbling out of bars drunk. Even if they were drunk she wishes she were them. She didn’t care if she fell into the big city from the ledge she was on. Anything was better than just waiting to die. She wrote poems and drew but hobbies got boring after a while. What was it like to die? As Anya touched her hair more strands came out. Her white pale fingers iced over and she layed down. She was exhausted. Any other teenager wouldn’t be exhausted and now she was too exhausted to think. The same old tears came back she closed her eyes listening to the cars and chatter. And she slipped into a deep sense of sleep.
When she woke up it was midday. She hurried back into her room where she found her panicked nurse looking for her.
“Where were you?!” she yelled. Anya passed her slipped onto her bed not saying anything.
“You can never do that again!” Anya stared at her and said quietly, “You’re not the one dying; let me have my moments to myself.”
Her nurse silenced and started to feed her the thick soup from the kitchen.
“This is so tasteless and gross.” Anya complained. Her nurse put the bowl back down onto her tray and put her hands on Anya’s arm.
“Listen Anya, I have something to say and I need you to listen.” Anya sat silent waiting for her to go on.
“We have to try and save you one last time. Which means a different hospital; we are going to move you to a different country. It won’t be bad and you will get to try new foods and a whole new culture and more experiences, so whatcha think?”
Anya sat not knowing what to think. “What country?”
“That’s far away from America. Won’t my family come with? I can’t go alone I am only 16!”
“Honey, your family is spending all their money on you by sending you there so they can’t come.”
It’s not like it would be any different. Anya didn’t get any company anymore; her parents only came on Sundays.
“Okay.” Anya said. Why not? What else was I going to do here?
The nurse looked a taken aback as she got up and walked out the door. She came back with the doctor and the doctor talked to me about my illness for the longest time. Anya ignored him. She didn’t feel like hearing about how sick she was or how all of this was going to go down. She was ready, ready for anything, emotionally wise.
A week has passed and she was at the airport. Her parents stood there. Her mom patted her on the back and her father stood there no saying anything. Anya was in a wheel chair and she had a special place in the plane to go to South Korea. Her mom wore all black like it was the last time seeing her again. Maybe that was it. Her mom squeezed her and tears came down. Her father hugged her and it went by so fast. By an hour or so walking around the airport talking she was in the plane taking off. She didn’t even realize that she was leaving America for a long time. And she was in the air. She sat by a window and looked out it. The city began to get smaller, smaller and smaller until poof it was gone. She was in the clouds. Is this what it’s like what heaven will be like? On top of clouds, but the engine and plane would be gone. She imagined herself in a long white dress that matched everything about her, her hair, her skin. She had angel wings and was looking down almost like when she used to down from the building into the city. She looked back around to her other side where a kid sat next to her on the plane. It was a little girl holding her teddy bear. She had dark brown hair and had ribbons in her hair. Anya touched the little girl’s hair and felt the smooth thick hair. She longed for her hair back because now she was practically bald. Anya cried too much and told herself not to. It was a waste of time and my energy will lack, but she cried anyways. And in her tears she fell asleep.
She woke up to people getting up. The flight attendant came to her after everyone was out and took her wheelchair and got off the plane.
“How long was the plane trip?” Anya asked curious because she slept through the whole thing.
Anya looked around as the attendant kept walking her into the airport. There was light coming down through the windows on the ceiling and people walked by in a hurry not glancing at anyone. There were stores along the way that had great window displays that Anya wanted to go see.
“Can we go into a store?”
The flight attendant pushed her into one and it was full of magazines. Anya took a magazine and asked the attendant would buy it for her. The attendant rolled her eyes like she had better things to do and bought it and quickly went out. She pushed Anya till they reached revolving doors. After going into them, the attendant pointed out a girl and said, “She will take you to your hospital and get you arranged there, listen to her if she says to do something.”
The lady came up to the attendant and something in Korean and took the wheelchair. Anya got pushed all the way to the parking lot and there the woman picked her up and placed her in the backseat. The woman folded the chair and put it in the trunk and slid into the driver’s seat. She quickly sped out and into the city. Anya looked at the city. There were tall buildings, parks, and lots of flowers. The city seemed big and cars swarmed around them as they drove onto the highway. On the highway she saw other people in their cars and looked. They were all Korean; they had straight faces and drove crazy. As she passed them slowly due to traffic she saw a car with 3 teenagers’ in. they looked her age and they were listening to music loudly because Anya could hear it through the car. The driver was smoking and the passenger was moving his head to the rap music. The 3rd guy was in the back seat taking the whole seat due to he spread out his legs. He stuck his foot in front of the passenger’s faces and laughed. The guy in the front seat looked disgusted and took the kid’s shoe off. And from what it looked like it was a bad idea. Both guys rolled down the windows and put their shirts up to their nose. Anya smiled at this childish act; she seemed to want to be in that car with the normal teenagers. As Anya looked at them, the boy in the back seat turned his head and saw her staring at him. He poked his friends and what from it seems it was about her because all of the boys we’re looking at her now. The driver hit the kid in the back seat and laughed. The passenger just shook his head. Then traffic started to pick up and Anya didn’t see them again.