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New Moon MAG
I tried to give “New Moon” a chance. I tried to forget that it was based on a series of terrible books. I tried to forget the legions of annoying fangirls. I tried to understand why it's a cultural phenomenon. Most of all, I tried to like it. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, it didn't matter. Even with low expectations, “New Moon” still falls just a bit short.
“New Moon” continues the story of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and her sparkly vampire boyfriend, Edward (Robert Pattinson), characters whose most noteworthy feature is their utter lack of personality.
At the start, an accident at Bella's birthday party tears the lovers apart. As a result, the Cullens decide to leave Forks and Edward breaks up with Bella. She responds, as any healthy person would, by spending the next three months in a catatonic state. Thankfully good buddy Jacob is there to help her deal. But just like every man in her life, he has a deep, dark secret ….
I have to give the film credit. It takes the meager material from the book and tries to keep the audience engaged. There's a genuine style to Chris Weitz's direction, and occasionally he manages to put together scenes that dazzle. His skillfully directed action sequences add some much-needed energy, and his ability to avoid taking it all too seriously saves the movie.
The costume and set designs are gorgeous and make the film a visual feast. Add some decent special effects and it's easy to see that “New Moon” is doing everything it can to rise above the constraints of its source material. Unfortunately that's where the whole thing hits a snag.
It doesn't matter how much you pretty it up, a mess is still a mess. And the book really is the problem here, no matter how many copies it sells or how many teenaged girls it intrigues. Stephenie Meyer's stories are bland, cliché-ridden nonsense. The problems that riddle the books are only exacerbated in the movie. Supposedly mysterious plot points prove to be predictable and emotional scenes fall flat, thanks to dialogue drenched in enough cheese to drive the state of Wisconsin out of business. To her credit, screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg makes a valiant effort to clean up the mess, but there's just no salvaging a film where the climax revolves around preventing a character from sparkling too brightly in the midday sun.
The poor script isn't exactly helped by the actors. Stewart continues her habit of staring blankly at the screen, while Pattinson seems to be incapable of doing anything other than taking his shirt off and acting like he's in a Gap ad. Taylor Lautner does his best to make Jacob likable, but he isn't given much to do. The only highlights are Ashley Greene's portrayal of Alice, and Dakota Fanning's perfectly evil Jane, who might have been able to save this film on the weight of her own creepiness if she'd had more than five lines.
In the end, the real heartbreak of “New Moon” has nothing to do with its lead couple. It has everything to do with the film's potential. It's easy to appreciate what this film could have been. The same can't be said for what it is.
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"but there's just no salvaging a film where the climax revolves around preventing a character from sparkling too brightly in the midday sun."
funniest thing I've read all day.