they find me in the shower
staring blankly into space
they try and talk to me
and say i screamed
or something
they sit me down on the bed after putting clothes on me
and tell me to tell them what is wrong
they had no idea what it could be
when i met a pair of eyes
they saw mine were dead
they said tell them everything
so i looked down
and back up again
and i did
...

my eyes open and i am young

getting my pull-up changed

and my old he is looking down on me

changing me

he scratches me with a menacing grin
it hurts
and it is black

i open my eyes and i am in the shower
but i am not alone
another he who i should trust is there
washing me
i see his privates and he pulls at me
stretches me
we get out
and i close my eyes

i wake up walking out of the bathroom
he is there and sees me
we didn’t have class together this year but i
know him anywhere
he puts his arm around me and we walk
we are next to a pillar and lockers
he moves closer. me back. wall
closed in he kisses me
and pulls at my shirt
leaving his hand
making my stomach tingle
once more then he retracts
i walk into the darkness

i open on a text alert beep
we meet after a weird conversation
his hands go everywhere but his tongue
stays in my mouth
next time my shirt is gone
next time my bra and pants are undone
next time his tongue has passed all over me
next time out comes his, but never in
i looked for an exit, but i was locked in
he grinned
i died
...
i look up and meet their eyes
all in confusion and disbelief
i realize their faces are wet
and mine too
one looks at me, then the others
a spark ignites then fades a little
i am no longer all dead
they see me
not the flaws in what made me
me
they never forget
they know,
i know
i didn’t make it up
and that finally
i might be
ok