A player? No. I don't expect you or anyone to believe me when I say I'm not, that I don't want to be. I know my expierences and the way I describe myself may lean to it. I actually don't know the straight definition of "Player", but I refuse to believe that's me. I'm aware I hurt people. I'm aware I don't have love to return. No ONE girl made me into whatever you choose to call me. Relationships aren't the only reason I'm this way. I could never let a relationship control me so powerfully.

You're right, though. I am very tired of hurting these people. That's some of my most distant details between me and players. I do care, a lot. I'll always care. Each one is a mark on my heart, marks that I'm not sure if they'll ever go away.

I get attatched, and I don't know how much the recipient feels, I know I suffer a lot from my constant mistakes. Bringing pain to others is the exact opposite of which direction I've wanted to take my life. I've always wanted to help people, when it comes to anything else, or before I became this, I've always put other before my self.

I wish that case was still the same.

The feelings really don't linger. Certain people do, and they still do, but it's me that hurts me. My actions are harmful to me. Guilt is a heavy, heavy weight on my shoulders.

And I tell myself I would feel nothing, but I know what happens when I do walk by them. A smile on my face, and our eyes don't meet. To them, I'm perfectly fine. But no one sees the blade that cuts me in half each time someone like that walks by, and no one ever will.

Yeah, I saw that after I replied. It may have something to do with the discussion being so extensive? Sorry for that. I suppose I've been holding my secrets for a blind man. You don't know me, I am more or less a stranger to you. As for inquiring readers, who may or may not come across my comments; why should I care? I don't know them. So please, do not be at all impressed, for it's the exact contrary.
You genuinely did not have to share that with me. That was not my point in telling you.. I was smiplely sharing my connections to your poem, with you. You certainly don't have to answer this. I don't in fact expect you to, but I can't help to ask, because I don't think I quite savvy.
What I get from it is that this girl made you into a player..? However, you're tired of hurting all these girls and leaving them with a void. If that is the case then how can your poem "Such a Silly Thing", and you being this way coexist? Players aren't specifically concerned who they hurt, get attached or suffer. How is it you suffer if the feelings don't linger? Unless you suffer because you majorly disdain bringing pain to them. Also are you telling me that if you saw one of the last girl you had deep feelings for, you'd feel nothing and keep on walking? Are you saying you don't miss any one of them? If so, you should totally give me pointers. >_<

Unfortunately I don't have another accout like Teenink and don't give out my e-mail. This site is slow too. Even after I get my computer back from the step mother it's still not up. Bummer. :(

~ About the comment errors, at first I thought it was just my computer, but it also happened to you, so I'm assuming it's something with TeenInk that needs a little patch up ;P So If I comment twice, forgive me, I'm trying my best, ha!

 

Wow. You really opened up, didn't you? I'm really impressed, takes a lot of courage to do that, especially on an open forum. Strength, nice. (: I guess I'll give a bit of my story. Maybe you'll be able to search deeper into my poems if I tell you a bit about my expirence?

My first true romance a few years ago. I'm not the type, well not any longer, to hold onto something like that. I'm not obsessive, nor do I linger in it. But I do think about it. And I don't know what's more painful. What I had, what I lost? Or how quickly it went by, those short nine months seemed so lengthly. Anyways, I've only realized recently what effect that girl left. Actually, if I had to put it more accurately, it'd be "take"

I'm in and out of relationships, but I've been trying incredibly hard to stop because I've been hurting people left and right. It's terrible, and I've never felt a proud moment of it in my life, but I've been having such trouble saying "no" and I'm so easily tempted that I take the risk, knowing it's hardly a risk at all but a trap.

Where there's supposed to be a heart, it feels like a black hole. Not in the sense that it's dark, void, etc. A little, but I've still got some light. In a more realistic way, as in it sucks in the hearts of others and keeps them, leaving THEM void.

I'm tired of MY pain causing it to harm others. So whenver I'm feeling weak-kneed, or love-drunk, I throw it all in a poem and try my hardest to seperate myself from the source.

I'm dangerous. :P That's me, that's my poetry.

 

P.S, I'll post my poem today, but Teenink takes awhile to actually upload it. Is there an Email or anything else you would like me to send my Poems to that away you recieve them much sooner?

Of course you can. I mean, that is why I joined. I don't write but I absolutely, enjoy reading and trying to analyze. :) It's substantially sad. There's some really amazing work on here..but most of it I really cannot connect to. It's just simply there, told and not shown. 

I see what you're saying. After the colossal failure of my first "romance", I wanted to give up completely. If I did find a guy I liked it would end badly because I was still so affected by it. I thought that I wouldn't like the boys as much as I did him, think about him more then end up missing him even more; not what I believe fun to be. Or I would like that boy more, falling even more brutally. I gave my all into that, and that's an innocence I don't think I am going to get back. He was the first guy I ever cared so deeply for. I rather still feel this way..so in a sick twisted way it's nice to relate to someone with that, if only a little. I am just sorry you have to suffer to make such a strong poem.

 I would love for you to post more! Don't be nervous, I'm sure if your happy poems are this good your darker ones will be too. Not to sound utterly deppressing, but they do usually have more depth.

Oh, I assure you, I am not the brightest cayon in the box. Just ususally speak my mind, so you most likely will hear more from me. :)

Wait, you won't even tell me if I guess? Unfair! Lol I am set on finding out the deeper meaning of your princess poem. It's bugging me. You know how, when you can't think of the name of something, it's on the tip of your tonge, and it irritates you untill you remeber? That feeling times ten. 

P.S. It may just be my computer acting up, but it seems when you comment back that it post what you type twice.

I think this is my favorite so far. It seems to me, through this poem, you might have had a rough "love" life. I also may be reading too much into it, because I do tend to do that quite a bit, but another thing. It seems you get very emotionally attached to these people you love and that's what makes it hurt worse when it's over. Yet you're still so hopeful and optimistic about it all. :) I think I'm reading into this all wrong, seeing too much of my mind set on things. I understand the bitternest in the beinging of the sonnet. If love is suppose to be this great thing then how can it make a person so vulnerable to hurt, potential hurt, and extreme emotional corruption? Even war. Well, to my belief, there must be a reason people do it. It must be worth it some how to them. Again. I could be all wrong viewing it this way. So, what does it mean then?