I think back sometimes to the things that I did
The people I've hurt, the doors I've broke down
The pain in their eyes from their jaw contacts a fist
The echoing from a skull slamming into the ground
The mothers who had to care for their young adults
As if they were children
The fathers who purchased firearms
For the fear, I’d once again come back to tear up their building
Because to me, it was never a home
It was a bank account for me of what others had owned
It was an easy payday guarded by innocents
All I needed was my head on a swivel and it’d make no difference
Though, they say the worst thing that I did
Was danger these families, loving homes filled with kids
I’d argue until my lungs collapsed
That what I took away was much deeper than that
A normal man now filled with rage and grief
Put them through trauma few have faced
They now live scared and anxious because of thieves like me
They now feel the pain but for me it’s just a taste
My feeling should mean nothing for the times I’ve done this
Something changes in your head when you break fragile minds to nothing
I know I’ll never make up for it, I’ll never scratch the surface
My punishment for this is to live with the guilt cutting
Inside my head like a scalpel
And every time I look in the mirror being disgusted
I know the evil people can possess so I’m never trusting
Fists clench at the smallest thing like a loved one touching
Always on lookout because I feel someone’s hunting
This is how I am to live with myself
Leave my achievements disintegrating on a shelf
Hearing hundreds of times a meaningful farewell
It’s the burden that I carry but I put myself in this hell