when I die do I go away or am I omnipresent can I see my loved ones?

do I disappear and all my memories are lost and everyone forgets about me

they will eventually

or did I make a big enough impact on my environment that I changed people's perceptions of the world?

am I trying hard enough to make an impact? 

if I died these would be my last words

Mom, I'm sorry for all of the times that I messed up I'm not perfect but I tried 

Dad, I'm sorry for never being a good enough son for you. I guess I was never good enough

my dying wish is for you to adopt another child the same age as me and raise them up to what I never was

 never will be the best but i tried so hard and i made it work I was given the wrong cards so adopt a child with the right ones when I pass do I deserve to be 

all I'm doing is trying to change the world with a pen and a paper

Before I go I want to change the world and make my life have meaning and virtue

even if it kills me

make the next me the son I never ever was the brother I never wast the person I never was

the person I never became

so if I die I want the memories of trying to change the world to be live

even if nothing I do actually matters, make me matter 

my poems are on my desk and I want you to publish them if I go

these would be my last words.