You wonder why I shut you out / Why I pull doors tightly behind me / Letting knocks go unheard / And voices fade beyond the frame / It’s not to keep myself in, it is to keep you out / You promised I could tell you anything / But I have always felt the weight of that lie / When I take the chance and expose myself / Those rare times of vulnerability when words and confession overflow like spring rivers / I wish only for acceptance / For a gentle ear and words from the heart / But if I wanted to feel beaten down I would've laid myself down on train tracks and prayed for the largest locomotive to barrel through / Because that would’ve been easier / Easier than having you do it instead / Because I know you don’t mean it / You have priorities in mind and a twisted, strange sense of caring beneath your skin / But it hurts nonetheless / I want to feel closer / I want to tighten the strings that hold together our relationship / Like the laces of scuffed up shoes / But when I pull tighter I feel my blood flow stutter to a halt and I lose the feeling of my limbs / So I stop pulling / And return to my life behind locked doors /