dear lovebug, | Teen Ink

dear lovebug,

March 10, 2018
By ambivalent SILVER, West Bend, Wisconsin
ambivalent SILVER, West Bend, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. [sylvia plath]

when i was five i learned that if two male
betta fish are placed in the same tank,
they’ll rip each other to complete shreds.


i want to be honest with you
so your fists remind me of betta fish
and i know some folks find this awkward
but i don’t want you to say yes


because you’ve been told saying no
rips your masculinity to shreds


and i know you don’t want me
looking for my virginity in the back of your van,
watching the tape holding your side-view mirror seize


in the wind, but, as for now, we can split the last shot
if you promise to be more boy than betta fish.


you know i can patch a hole in the wall
so long as it’s not from your knuckles – don’t
lie to me.


tell me if your mind changes. it’s okay
if your mind changes. cross your heart
and hope to die. tell me your thoughts, lovebug.


freshman year i learned male dragonflies always mate
with a consenting female, but that’s not true.
tell me your thoughts, lovebug.


the first boys i kissed were liars
but now i sometimes imagine lying
next to you, your eyes no longer glinting
blue to green like scales


and our warmth radiating, sharing –
because i would have told you my thoughts
and you’d have told me yours.


we’d be more human, more humane
than dragonflies –


because i love you,
i want you to feel free to say no.
i want to feel free to say no.


i know i shouldn’t feel the need to thank you,


but thank you,

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