For you, but mostly for me. | Teen Ink

For you, but mostly for me.

April 24, 2017
By mckennaxoxo PLATINUM, Louisville, Kentucky
mckennaxoxo PLATINUM, Louisville, Kentucky
27 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
the role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. -anais nin


You are the greatest
Thing I have ever had.
You were like a
Bold thunderstorm,
A flawless candle,
A gorgeous sunset.
I could have looked
At you
And stayed with you in
All your perfection forever.
But you ceased your rain;
You burnt out;
You set.
And I'm sad but not bitter,
Because now I believe
That wonderful
Beautiful things
Exist.


The author's comments:

The honest truth on March 5 2017. 


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This article has 1 comment.


hwoodruff98 said...
on May. 5 2017 at 10:13 pm
hwoodruff98, Lititz, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world." -Mahatma Gandhi<br /> <br /> "What will your verse be?" -Dead Poets Society <br /> <br /> "Write drunk, edit sober." -Ernest Hemingway

I really like the natural flow of this piece as well. Your poem reads like someone speaking, which is nice. I do have a couple of suggestions, though. I'm not sure if "flawless" is a fitting adjective for the candle. You have "bold" and "gorgeous"... Is there another word that could also be ascribed to a person? I would also suggest the following change in line breaks: "And stayed with you/ In all your perfection forever." It just reads more naturally to keep prepositional phrases together. Additionally, I would suggest writing "But your lightning ceased" rather than "you ceased your rain?" That would fit with the dimming of light/burning out.